December Surprises

When I was in New Mexico in August, I joined a wine club and I thought I was supposed to get my first shipment in September. Well, I was wrong, I get it in December, which is this month. So I've got New Mexican wine. Finally. Yay.

Man, this weather is crazy. It is so warm. The other day I accidentally went out in my winter jacket and I got really sweaty. And of course, with warm weather predicted for the next few weeks, when I give my nephews their snowball makers for Christmas, they won't really be excited at all since there will be no snow to try them out with. But I think I would rather take the milder weather than the excited Christmas looks on my nephews faces. "Yes, I know this present kind of sucks right at this very moment, but I don't have to warm my car up in the morning. Deal with it, life just gets harder."

Speaking of nephews, Norman requested some new pictures of Liam. So here you go.

The kid definitely loves to eat.

I love, love, love this picture. I think he looks hilarious when he is mad. You just can't take him seriously.

I will have picture of the other ones making cookies soon.

Saturday with the Boys

Today was great fun. It was only slightly messy. There was only one instance of almost tears, and one instance of big fake tears. And we made a shit load of Christmas cookies. We made some Christmas trees, and stars and bells and angels and ghosts and roosters and lips and umbrellas and roosters and even a barn or two.

I even got (and this almost made me tear up), "This is one of the best days of our lives."

Oh, sometimes children are wonderful.

And on a side note, I have never seen the movie Mean Girls sober. And tonight is turning into no difference.

Yay beer and laundry.

I just made a total elf of myself

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=29fbc97a7718d3c66136369_20061206

UPDATE...

After you check that out, make sure to look through these. I am not sure which one is my favorite...they are all priceless in my eyes.

Blah, blah, and ahhh

I have a belt and it has holes going all the way around it. Sounds awesome, right? Like I can make it as small as I want? Well, after a certain point the holes aren't big enough to use. What's the point in this belt? It went from awesome to not so awesome in just a few seconds.

I am almost done with Christmas shopping. I just have to get my niece and my nephew something. Liam is so small I keep forgetting about him. I also have to get my mom a few more things (I do my dad's shopping for her). I'll be happy when the shopping is done. But then comes my least favorite part of Christmas presents…wrapping. It's boring, and I am not very good at it. But I do have some cool wrapping paper. But just the thought using it on presents makes me bored and sad. Maybe I'll have a few drinks while I do it. Maybe if I get drunk enough, they will look better.

Yesterday I felt as though I might've been coming down with something, but today I feel ok. I mean, I am not going as far as to say I feel great, because that would be jinxing something I know, but I feel ok. Well enough to go workout tonight. I have to stay healthy because this weekend me boys (Logan and Jack) are coming over to make Christmas cookies. I will mostly need to stay well to keep my strength up. For two little people, they take up a lot of energy and usually drive me to drink.

Miss Clean, Miss Clean

Wow, I just cleaned my home. It took me two hours to dust, sweep and vacuum. And clean out my microwave. And clean out my fridge (I had a lot of outdated food). And do a load of laundry. And iron. And take out lots of trash.

I'm tired.

Snow is kind of flurrying.

I still want to get my Christmas cards started and I still have to go to Borders and get some Christmas presents. Not a real hardship...going to my favorite store, but if you read two lines up...I'm tired.


I hope you all had a good weekend.

If you do not hear from Witnesssuzy after today it is because she has blown away.

It is windy out today. Really, really windy. 50 mph wind gusts windy. And raining. When I got out of my car this morning to come to work, I got really wet. But the good news is that it is turning to wet snow this afternoon. Good news, I guess. Needless to say I will be happy to get home tonight where it is warm and dry. I thought that at 4 in the morning when I was still laying in bed listening to the wind blow the rain against my window. When I first woke up, I thought it was frozen rain, it sounded so hard.

In good news, my life is complete (ok, maybe not complete, complete) but I finally found pumpkin creamer. It is so delicious. I plan on drinking a lot of coffee so I can drink a lot of creamer.

So if the wind hasn't blown me away, or if the rain hasn't drowned me, I will be drinking a pot of coffee with pumpkin creamer tonight under a blanket on my warm, warm couch.

So...

Heather Mills McCartney is have a celebrity shoe auction to benefit...well, I didn't catch what it benefitted... but if the person who wins McCartney's shoes, do they get one of her fake legs too?

Just wondering.

Something (maybe) to Keep Me Warm in the Winter

It was like a warm golden spotlight last night as I pulled into the Meijer parking lot. It was shining on a Chipotle sign. Next to the very grocery store I shop in. It's not open yet, perhaps by Christmas, or maybe the New Year.

But as I drove away from the Chipotle sign, I got worried. As much as I love the burritos and tacos, I know I hardly have any self-control. And I go to Meijer at least once a week. I just counted up the calories in burrito I would eat and it has almost 1100 calories in it. If I ate it for lunch, I would literally have to drink water for the rest of the day. I think perhaps I will have one when it first opens and then I will have to be satisfied with that memory for a while.

Oh well…

It's supposed to be 65 degrees here today, which is nice. It's supposed to snow on Friday, which is not so nice. Although I suppose it is December, so snow wouldn't be really weird. I think I may be one of the few people in the world who could care less if there is a white Christmas.

F*** the snow.

Thanksgiving Hangover

I had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Good food, obviously. The cake was a hit. The boys were funny. Liam wanted dessert so bad, he climbed up his sister's lap and onto the table. Now we know he's a member of my family.

This morning when I went to the gym, it felt as though I was working out hungover, even though I didn't drink. Food is so weird.

I hope everyone had a good time yesterday.

Thanksgiving Edition Tidbits

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a turkey last year at Thanksgiving from my company or wondered what happened to its fate. Well, its fate is to be this year's Thanksgiving turkey. It totally freed up a ton of space in my freezer, except that now it looks so empty.

This year, instead of a turkey, I got a gift card to Kroger. I think it is awesome that they give us something for Thanksgiving. I guess they are just showing how thankful they are. And I think it is awesome that it is a gift card to Kroger. I am going to buy booze and junk food…happy Thanksgiving to me.

I got out of work early and had lunch with my parents. Last year at this time it was snowy and gross and miserable. Today it is sunny and supposed to hit 50 degrees. Tomorrow it is supposed to be the same. I love unseasonably nice weather.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell everyone to have a happy Thanksgiving.

Save the Cheerleader, Save Thanksgiving

So Peter Petrelli saved the cheerleader, but did he save the world? Don't get me wrong, I like Heroes a lot. But every week they say it's the big episode not to miss and every week, it's not as big as I had hoped. I think it would be a big episode if they killed off the slutty mom with multiple personalites, because I don't like her. I like her kid and her ex-husband, but not her. And I wish Peter Petrelli (whom I have finally stopped thinking as Jess from Gilmore Girls) would quit being such a pansy. And I want Hiro to come back to present day...is that so wrong?

Ok, on to real life...

I am really excited for Thanksgiving this year. Much more so than recent years and I am not sure why. I am making a Pumpkin Butter Cake. I'll let you all know how it turns out. Maybe I am excited because I get to go to the gym on Thanksgiving. I know it is a holiday, but I would think lots of people would want to work out if they were in town that day.

I saw the movie, Marie Antoinette this weekend and it was awful. But it made me want to get out my pictures from France. Sometimes I can't believe I ever was in France. But it's been 10 years. I saw the room that Marie Antoinette gave birth in. I saw the blade from the guillotine that beheaded her. I saw many cathedrals and the Mona Lisa. I hadn't looked at these pictures in years, so it was fun to get them out.

The only other thing I have to tell you is that I am putting up my new, old Christmas tree this weekend. I will post a picture, for it is sure to be beautiful.

It's a Mad, Mad Toledo

There are two big events this weekend for the city of Toledo, OH. One being TomKat's wedding; the second being the University of Michigan/Ohio State football game.

Why, you might be asking is Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes wedding a big event for Toledo, OH? Because Katie Holmes was born and bred here. She was always a big deal. One year she was Grand Marshall of the Thanksgiving parade. Toledo obviously loves her, but since she's been with Cruise, one would think she was made of gold. All this week there has been updates on the news about the big wedding. It's in Rome. J. Lo is going to be there. Her family arrived on Thursday. TomKat went out to eat with Suri (who is actually, a really ugly baby). Forget about the war, forget about the trial of the kid who brought flammables to school, forget about Tom Noe's conviction, the real news here is Katie Holmes' first marriage.

When the news is not talking about TomKat, they are talking about the big football game. Toledo is in a weird place for this game. It is right on the Ohio/Michigan border, so the odds are the city is split. Where I work is a perfect example of this. All week these guys have been fighting over who's going to win. And they're so witty. Did you know Ohio State football players give guys blow jobs and then swallow? Me neither, but apparently they do and that's why they are going to lose the game tomorrow.

I hate football. Next to baseball, I think it is the most boring sport EVER! So I don't really care who wins. I think it would be more interesting if Ohio State players gave Michigan players blow jobs on the field instead of playing football on it.

I wonder if all the way over in Rome, Katie Holmes has picked a favorite for the game? Well, whoever her favorite is, Tom Cruise probably chose it for her.

Big Pantsin

One week from today will be the eve before my four day weekend. You don't even know how excited I am. And in more awesome news, my gym is going to be having a Turbo Kick class Thanksgiving morning. I have to pay $5 to take it (the money goes toward saving animals from becoming drug addicted hobos or something), but I think that is pretty awesome. So I will get a workout in before I consume thousands, upon thousands of calories!

Speaking of consuming calories, or lack of consuming, I put on a pair of pants this morning for the first time in several months and they were loose. Actually, they were really baggy in the thigh area. They bubbled out around me. And about a year ago, those pants were kind of tight. It's sort of too bad though, I really like those pants. But it also makes me happy.

Almost as happy as having four consecutive days off in a row.

With Lost not on tonight, I am not sure what I am going to do with that free hour.

I Kind of Wish It Was 10 Days in the Future

I wish it was a more appropriate time to put up my Christmas tree, but I believe in holiday boundaries. Of couse, Thanksgiving needs to happen before it is officially the Christmas season. But I am excited this year because I have a new, old, full-size Christmas tree. I also have some new ornaments; a cowboy Santa, courtesy of Norman and as of today I now have a Santa Bear and a Santa that looks as though it is jumping rope. Oh, a proper Christmas tree top. Maybe I am also prematurely in the Christmas spirit because a local radio station has started playing Christmas carols on the weekends...until Thanksgiving, when they play carols 24, 7. That's when I start to hate Christmas carols and quickly lose the Christmas spirit.

I spent some time with my mom today. My parents are getting new carpet and my mom is back into a minimalist looking home. She wants to get rid of extraneous stuff and said I could take whatever I wanted. So I took the bowl I made in 8th grade wood shop and a piece of pottery and a sculpture. What is funny about the pottery and sculpture is that these are things I gave my mother for Christmas one year. They were made by NMSU art students. I had forgotten that and my mom made fun of me. "You're taking back things you gave me." But in the end it seemed appropriate. And now I have some awesome pieces of art.

One last funny note, for those of you who think my nephews are funny. Jack was teasing and trying to wrestle with Logan and Logan yells out, "Get off of me, Farticus!" Kids are way too funny. They really can think of the cleverist things. It was funnier too, later, when Jack let one disgusting-sounding fart rip. I asked him to check his pants to make sure he hadn't shat himself. And he laughed, a wonderful, giggly, kid's laugh. Oh, I do love those boys.

PS. So I have a crush on Alec Baldwin and I am watching him host SNL and he just picked Tina Fey up itno his arms and I was a little jealous. I love the Baldwin.

If You Have Not Watched Lost and Plan To, Stop Reading

Good-bye Lost. I look forward to our reunion in February. I already have February 7 circled on my calendar, not that I would ever forget.

You do worry me. You put two important people in the line of fire; my first love and my new love. My first love, Sawyer, did sort of piss me off last night by sleeping with Kate, my archenemy. I don't think anyone is going to die though. Both Sawyer and Ben are popular characters and they just killed Echo, another popular character. I don't know if the audience could take any more death. As Locke said last night, the camp had been to a lot of funerals. I feel as though I am a member of the camp (albeit a cooler member who gets to go off with Sayid and Locke on adventures) and I am tired of Lost funerals. Put their lives in danger, but let them live!

I am glad I have Heroes to fill the void of weird, metaphysical television.

"Bye bye"

VOTE

I hope everyone is going out to vote today. I unfortunately, forgot to register in enough time to vote in Toledo.So I suppose I cannot complain too much about the state of affairs surrounding the state of Ohio. Fortunately, I can still complain about Bush. Today's election day weather is much like the last election day weather, chilly and rainy. I am so happy the election season is coming to an end. I cannot take another campaign ad.

Last night I went to iTunes and put together a mellow, fall CD mix. iTunes is a wonderful thing. I enjoy it often. Last night, however, I couldn't find the two songs I really, really wanted to put on the CD. What were they, you ask? "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" by Beck and "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison.
But it turned out ok anyway. What did make it on the CD, you ask? The list is as follows:

"I Have Dreams to Remember" Otis Redding
"Breathe Me In" Sia
"The Greatest" Cat Power
"Blind Doctor" Emily Haines
"Mushaboom" Feist
"Stardust" Muse
"I Think It's Going to Rain Today" Norah Jones
"Sail Away" David Gray
"Fernando" Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins (not so much meloncholy, but I needed to back it up, so there it is )
"Where is My Mind" The Pixies

You Tell Me

As many of you know, I enjoy yoga. I like the way it makes me feel and I look forward to it. A couple of weeks ago the instructor showed us some partner poses and we tried them with partners. Now normally, hearing the words, "find a partner," would make me bolt for the door. I mean, we're sweaty and breathing heavy and your bare feet touch and most importantly, I don't know these women (I only like to get sweaty with people I don't know in a different capacity and that is only occasionally :)) But that night in yoga, I thought I would give it a chance. It was kind of cool and I showed one to Laura and did it with her because she is my friend and I don't mind doing a yoga pose with a friend.

I thought the partner poses was a one time thing in class, but apparently it is not. And now I lose my focus and I can't relax and the class is kind of ruined for me halfway through. I can't even enjoy corpse pose at the very end. Yoga for me is just for me. I look at it as a very SINGULAR activity.

So you tell me; am I the weird one? Am I being close-minded? Should I try to be more open to this? I mean, everyone else in the class seems to be ok with it. I need some advice people. Help me.

I Am

never going to see the movie I have been awaiting for a year...Little Children. Every weekend I get sadder and sadder.

But you want to know what makes me happy? 30 Rock...that show is hilarious. I love Alec Baldwin...he's awesome. Like, I am watching it now and laughing and laughing.

I love to laugh.

That damn Alec Baldwin....gets me every time!


P.S. I got to eat leftover Halloween candy today. I had my first Baby Ruth. Not bad, not good.

Happy Halloween

Friday Night Tidbit

I went to Howard's with Ashley to hear some bands and saw some people I have not seen in a long time. A few points of interest:

Mitch Ranie: Funny, but hilarious with a guitar. "Jesus invented atari with his some help from his friends, the Japanese."

The nicest thing I have heard in long time, "You're someone I realize I miss when I don't see you all the time."

An altogether very nice evening.

Picture #2

Picture #1

HIGHlarious

I was listening to this story on NPR today and it was about a family dog.... a cocker spaniel. She had a fondness for sucking toads. Sucked them white. And laid around stoned all day. In the winter when the cold scared the toads into hiding, the dog had withdrawals. When the dog finally got over her withdrawals, the family thought that the dog had conquered her problem, but the summer came and the toads returned and then turned up white again. The dog had a drug problem, plain and simple.

Here, check it out, read or listen.

Weekend

It is always so hard to go back to work after a three day weekend. Especially when there is sort of a dry spell of important work at work.

I took Friday off because it was my birthday and I didn't really say anything to anyone I worked with. I knew a couple of people would know because they see me on MySpace. When I got back this morning, my boss asked if I had a good weekend. And I said yes. And then he asked if it was relaxing, and then I kind of laughed because I understood where this line of questioning was going and told him that it had been my birthday and that since it was on a Friday that I would take it off and told him about my pedicure. But word of my birthday had definitely got around on Friday; when I returned a message to our advertising agency, the guy wished me a belated happy birthday. What's funny is that if I hadn't taken the day off, nobody would've known and never said anything.

I went to the Henry Ford Museum this weekend and had a good time. I haven't been since I was very young. There were a lot of changes. Obviously there wasn't an IMAX theater 20 years ago. But I remember Thomas Edison's signature in concrete and what I remembered as an old McDonalds, but is really just a diner near the old McDonalds sign. I saw the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile and bought my nephews Weiner Mobile Cars. Now I am excited to go to Greenfield Village when the weather is warm again. Because it certainly isn't very warm today.

Fun Wednesday Tidbits

Here ere are my new glasses. It is so awesome to be able to see clearly again.

UPDATE....as requested, a before and after.


Before



Sorry it is kind of blurry.

And after


They are similar, yet they are different. These are the first new pair of glasses I've gotten in...I think six years...might be longer, but not sooner.

Reheat and Re-eat

Reheat and Re-eat
I went to Carrabbas last night and I only ate half of everything (except the salad...I did eat the whole salad). Of course, I brought the other half home and ate it for lunch. This is the beauty of leftovers, or reruns, as my dad calls them. If I have something substantial left on my plate while eating out, it's coming home. I even reheat things with lettuce on it, like a taco or a sandwich that was hot to begin with. Some things don't taste as good the next day, but some things taste almost better.

Over Labor Day when I was visiting Laura, we went to a seafood restaurant and Laura wouldn't take any of her leftovers home. We had this whole conversation about leftovers and basically, Laura doesn't do leftovers, which lead to all of us teasing her, because that is always fun. I took my leftover fish back to her house and not only ate it the next day (because as I remember correctly, Laura was taking forever to get ready and I was starving...the teasing of Laura never ends), but I didn't reheat it. I ate it cold, which lead to another teasing session for Laura, because the question had to be asked; could she take home leftovers and eat them if they weren't reheated?

Anyhoo, what I am trying to get to here is what are everyone's leftover rules? Obviously, I have none, or, I have one...I am not really into eating leftover salads...but everything else is fair game. I mean, if it was delicious once, it'll be delicious twice.

My Friday Night

After work I went to the gym for an hour. Talked to Norman for an hour and a half. Cleaned my bathtub. Took some boxes and bike to storage (goodbye for a few months bike, I look forward to riding you again in the spring). Ate dinner. Did two loads of laundry. Dusted the corners of my ceiling. Cleaned my coffee pot. Cleaned my fridge. Uh...I can't remember what else. But it was a lot.

Doesn't sound exciting at all, but it was really needed. And my place looks presentable again.

It Just Snowed Really Weird Snow

So quick Lost thoughts; I don't think I have ever seen Sayid be wrong. And when he is wrong, boy is he wrong. Also, I wonder what Ben is going to ask Jack to do? Laura thinks he is going to ask Jack to have sex with Juliet. I am not so sure about that theory. But I am excited to see the resolution to the Locke, Echo and Desmond story next week. Or as much as a resolution as you can get on Lost.

It's cold out. Last winter, the weather was all I seemed to blog about. I can't help it; it is so distressing sometimes. People take for granted just leaving their homes with no thought to letting the car warm up, cleaning the car, shoveling around the car...even putting on a coat and some gloves takes time. At least this morning I didn't have to clean any snow. But we are supposed to have flurries today. When I was growing up and lived in northwestern Michigan, I remember it snowing a couple of times on my birthday.

And the cold weather definitely makes people cranky. One woman I work with was especially cranky today and I am blaming that on the weather. I try not to be cranky so early, because if I started with it now, I would be a homicidal bitch by March. So I just blog about the weather. Maybe Crany Work Lady should get a blog and write about the weather and then she wouldn't have to have her nickname.

Not How I Wanted to Start the Week

My car was broken into last night, or perhaps early this morning. I went down to my car to go to work and noticed that my ashtray was on the passenger seat, and then I got in and saw that my glove compartment was open. I looked around and noticed my backseats had been put in the upright position, whereas yesterday they were down, and my electric ice scraper had been put in the backseat. I looked in the back, but nothing had been taken. So while I was freaking out, I knew there was nothing I could do because nothing, but maybe a dollar in change, had been taken. Then I noticed my rear passenger window was broken and that was when I started to feel a little sick.

The girl who parks next to me, her car was broken into too. Her car had been broken into before. I didn’t have a lot of cd’s in my car, but they were all there. Apparently these assholes don’t have very good taste in music or else they would’ve taken mine. And they must not know what an electric ice scraper is because they surely would’ve taken that. No, they break open my window to take my change. And there weren’t even any quarters, I had taken them out a couple of months ago to do my laundry. And they dropped a dime on their way out.

I am referring to them, like there were multiple people, but I don’t know that.

So I call work to tell them I will be late. They were veryunderstanding and told me what would probably happen when I called the insurance. And they were right…my deductible is $500 and the window won’t cost that much, so I have to pay for it myself. Then I call the police even though they won’t be able to do anything about it. Then I get plastic and duct tape and make an appointment to get it fixed. I got teary eyed a couple of times, but haven’t really cried or anything. I just feel weird.

And what is really weird is that I never have nightmares, but last night I did. I dreamt that some of my friends and I were walking down railroad tracks and a car was driving after us and we would run off the tracks and the car would drive off the tracks to follow us. Finally, they pass us, and one friend (one of those faceless, nameless dream people) kicks the car as it drives past, and the car stops and a guy gets out and runs after us and one friend gets stabbed in the leg and I got stabbed in the hand.

It’s just a weird, weird day and a totally shitty way to start the week.

Weekend Rundown

Jenny Lewis was amazing. She sounded just like the cd, which is a rarity. She is so cute and petite and the Watson Twins had some choreography. She played some new songs that totally rocked. I want her to put out a new album pronto, which I know she won't since she is getting ready to record again with Rilo Kiley.

And of course going to Detroit was an experience in itself. There was a crazy parking lot guy who kept saying he was going to be my eyes and a girl at the concert in leopard print made fun of my jacket and didn't think I could hear. Well, I guess the last part wasn't particular to Detroit...but worth mentioning, none the less. Also, the venue turns into a nightclub around 10, so the show ended early and they kicked everyone out...even though I had just ordered a delicious Stella Artois. I just took it into the bathroom where there was even more funny drunk girl banter to be heard.

Today my parents brought over a couple of boxes of my things and in one of them was my grandpa's hat. I put it on and well, it fits, but not that well. It is a little small. So I called my mom to ask whether I had a big head or if my grandpa had a small head.

"Well, he had kind of a small head and you have kind of a big head."

I have to love my mother for her honesty...I guess.

Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins in Detroit

I like almost all Fridays, but today is extra special. It’s Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins Day! Hooray! Hazah! I think it’s going to be awesome. It’s been so long since I have been to a concert.



So I am heading to Detroit this evening, which is a city that I think has gotten a bad rap. Don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t want to live there, but I think people think it’s SUPER dangerous and that you can’t walk anywhere without being jumped or something. And that just isn’t true. As long as you’re careful, it’s no more dangerous than any other city. Besides, let’s look at the facts; it’s the home of the Red Wings, the greatest hockey team in the world, it is the birthplace of Motown (there is a museum in the small house Motown Records started in…very interesting), cars used to be made there (I think some still are), it has Greek Town (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides is based there) and Jenny Lewis is going to be there tonight. What more could you ask for in a big city only an hour away?

Actually as a kid, it reminded me of Chicago like in Adventures in Babysitting. And FYI, it’s where I ate fried alligator.










UPDATE...Yeah, Detroit's awesome. So awesome that the Tigers are in a playoff game against the New York Yankees tonight. It is going to be pure madness.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Lost starts again tonight. And while last year I had been eagerly awaiting the day, this year, it snuck up on me. Maybe because the first week of October seemed so far away for so long. And now it is here. I don’t want to ruin too much out of respect for PTT who has not seen all of the second season yet, but this year we are supposed to find out who Kate chooses (I hate Kate, I hope Jack and Sawyer both dump her ass), and apparently we meet some of those people that walk around in the background. You know, the other survivors who aren’t others. It should be exciting.

As I stated before, I am going to get new glasses and contacts. I am excited, because I will be able to see better, but I actually hate picking out glass. It is very complicated for me. I don’t know the shape of my face and I see other people’s glasses that I like, but I don’t know if they would look good on me. And glasses are expensive. And invariably, I am going to really like the most expensive pair. So I need all of you to wish me luck that I find good-looking glasses. It is an important matter.

Getting My Eyes Fixed So I Can Roll Them Come Christmas

I am taking the plunge…I am going to the eye doctor this week. I have no vision insurance so I was putting it off, but I am tired of squinting and getting headaches that stem from my eyes. I am getting the whole kit and caboodle…glasses and contacts. So hopefully in a few weeks I will have headaches from being able to see too good.

I have been getting ready to do my company's holiday newsletter and it reminded me of the holiday form letter that people put in their Christmas cards. Do any of you get them? Please don't tell me you send them…those letters are a huge pet peeve for me. They are so impersonal and insincere and I didn't think the holidays were a time for insincerity, except for when you get a present you don't like and have to act like you do ("Oh my gosh, thanks for the mounted fish that talks…I LOVE it."). Besides, these letters are usually filled with information I don't care about. So what, so your 12 year old son's soccer team came in 7 th in the league? When I read that, I think, "Wow, what a loser."

David Sedaris has this great story written like one of those letters called, "Seasons Greetings to Our Family and Friends" and it is hilarious. It is featured in both Holidays on Ice and Barrel Fever. I highly recommend it. And trust me, it is so much better than reading an actual form letter.

Time for a Pumpkin Ale

I was listening to an online radio station today and heard a song by someone named Meghana Bhat. I just wanted to share, for obvious reasons.

I officially hate my job this week and every person who works here. I hope I don't hate it so much on Monday when I have to come back.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

But I Want to Be A Scrapbooker

Tonight I went to a scrapbooking party. It was like a tupperware party, but with scrapbooking supplies and stuff.

I am not a scrapbooker and don't want to be. I like throwing pictures in a box. I don't like keeping momentos because I love the feeling of throwing away trash.

I went because the one girl at work I really like invited me. She had invited me to a party before and I didn't go and I don't want to stop being invited places, so I went. And had a nice time.

I did not buy a scrapbook or all of the corresponding accessories.

I did buy some Christmas cards I have to put together. So check your mailboxes closer to the holidays. You may have a homeade Christmas card from me.

Now I am off to finish watching the episode of Everyone Loves Raymond where his mother makes a sculpture that looks like a vagina.

Check My I.D. and My Doors

I got a new license today. I know, I know…truly exciting. To be honest, I was worried that it would be a terrible picture. But it's not bad. It looks like me. One side of my hair is messy.

I've been having problems with sleeping and noises. Saturday night (or actually Sunday morning around 4) I woke up with a start after dreaming of sweeping up dead, baby mice. It was weird, like I totally sat up in bed startled, just like a movie. And then, when I realized I was ok and laid back down, I heard a baby crying outside…either that or a cat meowing, because the more I listened, the more I had no idea what it was. So I got up and went to open my sliding glass door to see if I could figure it out. I couldn't figure it out because whatever it was had stopped.

But as I was walking back to my bedroom, I thought, "what if it had been a cat…what if it had gotten in my house? What if a rabid, disgusting, crazy cat is in my apartment?" Well, I'm not totally irrational; I told myself I was being silly and went back to bed. But for a while after I went to bed, it felt as though something was touching me.

Then the past couple of nights, I have heard noises like someone trying to enter my apartment. I would turn off my fan and it would go away. I realized last night that the noise is the fan on a poster in my room.

I hope now that I know there is no cat in my home or anyone trying to come in, I will sleep with ease tonight.

My Gift to You

The Office is so funny that even deleted scenes can give you a hardy chuckle.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Spin Doctor

A funny thing happened at work today. Some of the small details in my beautiful brochure that I mentioned in the previous post are not going to be consistent with our price listing and overall program. People are concerned that the brochure says we offer such and such, but in actuality it's not a standard item, it'll be special order…blah, blah, blah…I won't bore you with the details.

And yes, these things should be consistent, unfortunately, the way everyone works around here, consistency does not happen or is even noticed until it is too late.

But I remembered another skill I learned along the way…the ability to SPIN! So what? So what the brochure says we have a Victorian gadgety-do, but we don't stock it. We can get it for them. So what we don't actually offer this. We can get it. This brochure showcases their options. And we should want to give them the world. And they agreed. When I said we shouldn't worry too much, they agreed.

I had forgotten about all those years of PR classes. All those years of thinking on my feet…no time to prepare…no time to get frazzled…covering up mistakes. I am going to try and always remember to spin. Never again will I do anything wrong.

It Took Me Forever to Post This...

I have decided I hate the word diet. I think as soon as the word is used, the action has failed; at least in my case. So I say, watching what I eat. I have been writing down everything I eat every day…twice. Once in an email to a couple of friends (we are our own weight watchers) and once at self.com. Self.com is awesome…you enter your weight and how much you exercise and your goals and they tell you how many calories to eat a day (although in my case it's a lot…I think it might be because I exercise a lot) and every time you enter something in, it gives you a chart. It is a very visual way to lose weight. I love all the graphs. It gets me excited.

Speaking of losing weight…or inches…or whatever, I was watching tv yesterday at lunch and there was a commercial for Dr. 90210 (a reality show about a plastic surgeon on E) and it was about a guy who wanted to have his penis size DECREASED. Holy hell…I mean, how is that done? And for goodness sake, how big is it? I think I might have to watch that one.

So yesterday the very first brochure I designed all by myself came back from the printers. I knew it looked nice when we sent it out, but seeing it on glossy, heavy paper…it looks awesome. It looks so awesome, I can't believe I did it. It was a very gratifying moment for me.

That and This

So everyone, it is rainy and chilly here. Much chillier than they said it would be and I did not bring a coat, sweater, long-sleeved shirt or anything that will keep me a little warmer. But I am thankful that it isn’t 20 degrees and snowing and I forgot my winter coat. But I did only bring a t-shirt and shorts to work out in, so when I leave, I will be even chillier than I am when go outside now. But at least I can go home and warm up.

My car is done and I get to pick it up this afternoon. As much as I enjoyed driving a newer, different car, I am looking forward to getting my car back. I miss it.

I got business cards on Friday and boy do I feel important. Actually, I am not being sarcastic, it is pretty cool. But mostly because I designed them.

Unfortunately, at the moment, my life is lacking in entertaining content, so this is all you get today.

...

I hope everyone has stopped eating bagged spinach. I know I have.

My car is going to be ok and cheap. The only drawback is that is might not be ready until Monday, but I guess I do what I gotta do...whore myself out for rides.

Have a good weekend ya'll.

Wish List and Such

I am taking my car in today to be checked out and there are a few things I hope happen:

Ø That it is covered by my warranty (which I am beginning to doubt the warranty; I think it is false advertising)
Ø If it isn't covered by my warranty, that it is not very expensive
Ø That it doesn't take long (because I am borrowing my parent's car and I don't want to have it forever)

Don't you wish cars could work forever without any maintenance? I do. I also wish it was lunchtime because I am craving some chips and salsa. I also wish it was 4 o'clock tomorrow, because then it would be the weekend. I also wish I was a Christmas tree that you put the star on top. Ok, the last one is really more of Pearl Jam's wish.

Oh and hey, a week from today is the season premier of The Office and Grey's Anatomy. That should be a good time, n'est pas?

Reading is Sexy

My friend Laura (in Seattle) sent me card with an old fashioned poster for Rice Krispie treats. On the bottom it says, "Marshmallow Megan and her marvelous marshmallow treats." She realized the name was spelled wrong but thought it was funny anyway. It is also funny because I cannot stand Rice Krispie treat. I only like the kind that has that super thick layer of chocolate on top…the kind that you can buy. But even then, I usually have to be really in the mood or starving. Otherwise, I stay away from Rice Krispie treats.


Don't you think this shirt is awesome? I would like to get it and spread the word of reading. I want to be reading's prophet. Someone should make a t-shirt with my picture and have it say, " Reading's Prophet." They would make a fortune, I know it.

Do you ever do something, but can't remember doing it? Like today, I know I put my outgoing mail in the outgoing mail slot, but I do not remember doing it. I know I must have because I remember seeing the paper outside my neighbor's door by the mailboxes. But I don't remember putting the Netflix envelope in the slot.

Life is so complicated.

Funny...haha, maybe a little funny/ironic

Today I went to Andersons to stock up on my favorite pumpkin ale that is impossible to find by October and I saw they were selling six packs of Iron City, a beer out of Pittsburgh that my friend in Las Cruces loves. I picked up a six pack to send her.

I called her this evening to catch up (but not tell her about the beer...that was going to be sent as a surprise) and she told me she was pregnant.

So congratulations to her....and to me. I have an extra six pack of beer now. Wooha.

These Dreams

Yesterday I:

> talked about my friend in Ecuador with a woman I work with who knows her as well.

> sent another friend who got a new job an e-card

> thought about my friend Justin

> watched Grey's Anatomy.

Last night I dreamt that I:

> was with my friend in Ecuador and my friend who got new job. My friend who got a new job was using her cell phone while driving with an open window. The cell phone was so small it flew out the window while she was holding it. We had to turn around and try to find it on the road and oddly enough we found a lot of cell phones, but not hers.

> got a voicemail from Justin that was actually quite mean about how he was mad that I had stopped talking to him.

> ended up at a bar and my friends were the people from Grey's Anatomy. Specifically, I was sitting between Patrick Dempsey and Chris O'Donnell.

Dreams are so weird. Sometimes they are really bizarre and funny. Sometimes they are really bizarre and not funny at all. Sometimes they make absolutely no sense (like my Ralph Fiennes dreams).

Oh My

JT is still as smoking as ever. I almost want to hate Cammie D. Almost.

Interesting...to say the least.

"BURIAL PLOTS 4 Sites, Value $2000/each, $1500 for all 4..."

That is the beginning of a classified ad in the weekly city paper. What do you think happened there?

It is 10:30 in the morning. I have already been up, had two cups of coffee, breakfast, gone to the gym and showered. I should get up early more often; I get so much done.

Off to Cincinnati in a few hours. Everyone have a great, long Labor Day weekend.

Funny Story

Yesterday I was in my office and there was a knock at the door. It was a guy who works down on the floor asking me if he hit me with a screw.

I thought I had heard him correctly, but I still said back, "Did you hit me with a screw?"

He said yes, that's what he wanted to know (or something along those lines) and I said, "No, not that I know of."

He said that he and this other guy will throw screws across the room at each other and the other guy had told him that he had hit me with one and he wanted to apologize.

At this point, I am just trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of my job and say, "I don't think you did, but if you did, I didn't feel it."

Then as he walks back downstairs he yells, "I didn't even hit her, asshole."

Well, at least he was going to apologize. That's something, I guess.

Update

My mom is doing fine. She's still in the hospital, but is out of coronary care unit and in a regular room. They are going to give her a stress test and let her go tomorrow.

What happened is that they didn't get all the fluid out after the surgery. They had wanted her to stay overnight on Wednesday, but they were taking so long to find her room, she asked if she could just go home and they let her.

So anyway, it's a combination of fluid from surgery and a touch of pneumonia. But the fluid is going away and her oxygen levels are almost normal.

And she's back to be cranky, which is always a good sign.

I am off to see her again in a little while.

Thanks for the great thoughts everyone! I really appreciate it.

Long Crazy Day

As I so eloquently stated the other day, my mother had gall bladder surgery. It's a pretty common surgery, but when you are 63 and have had diabetes for 20 years, nothing is really common, but she had got through it.

But today, around 1 pm, I saw that I had a voicemail. It was my dad saying:

• My mom couldn't breathe this morning
• They went to the hospital
• They found fluid on her lungs
• His cell phone didn't work in the hospital, he would call when he got a chance

And that is all I heard for three and a half hours.

So I spent three and a half hours doing research on lung fluid, thinking, "No news is good news" and crying at my desk thinking about how my mother might die and about her funeral arrangements (which she eerily told me her wishes about earlier this summer) and being selfish thinking, "I am only 28 years old and am too young to be without a mother.

But I finally got a phone call and my dad said the same thing he said before and that she would have to spend a few days in the hospital and that the doctors didn't seem too concerned...anything that was wrong could be fixed.

I went and saw her and it was comforting. She wasn't hooked up to a million machines and seemed in decent spirits considering.

It was an emotional day. It was a wake up call. Need to feel a change for your life? Go visit a coronary care unit in a hospital.

I just needed to get these things off my chest. Thanks for listening.

A Couple of Things Said Today That Might Be Misconstrued

"No one wants to see my holes"

-My mother who had her gall bladder removed today laborscopically.

"You just pulled that out of your trunk?"

-Some guy in the parking lot of the biking trail after I took my bike out of my car.

Weekend Roundup

I received a "Save the Date" card for my friend Laura's (in Seattle) wedding. It was the most beautiful piece of stationary regarding a wedding I have ever received. It was very simple and elegant and unique, much like Laura.

And even though I chose to open with that titillating piece of information, it was not the highlight of my weekend.

Go see Little Miss Sunshine.

It was one of the best films I've seen so far. It's funny. The ending had me laughing so hard I cried and almost peed a little. And I'm not joking about that. But it isn't like a riotously funny movie. It also had some very moving parts in it as well. I liked everyone in it, but Steve Carrell was really awesome, mainly because he played a character unlike any of his other characters and he does subtle very well.

I found out someone I used to know fell in love with a girl from Australia and is moving there. It's funny where love takes you. I wonder if his girlfriend would mind if I stayed with them if I wanted to visit? HA!

It was also sweet little Jack's birthday party this weekend. He was so sweet when I walked in…but I think it was because I was holding his present. "Hi Aunt Witnesssuzy! Is that for ME?!? Thank you, thank you!" I got him hula hoop and even funnier than watching him actually hula hoop is watching him swivel his little hips around to practice. And what's even funnier than that, is that he half unwrapped a box full of clothes, threw it on the ground and went straight to the next present. I love kid's birthdays. Not enough to have the actual kids, but enough to go to a party here and there.

A Good Survey

I came across this and thought, "Well, I like to read and my readers like to read." So here you go.

One Book I Found Out About By Reading Playboy Magazine:
Well, I’ll be honest here; if I am looking at Playboy I AM looking at the pictures and not the articles. I know that Playboy is actually a great magazine for awesome, insightful, smart articles. And really, the only recent memories of looking at Playboy was at Laura’s and it’s more fun to analyze the pictures or laugh at how Kirsten Dunst doesn’t realize a boob has popped out.

Book I Have Signed By the Author:
I have Barrel Fever signed by David Sedaris. It is actually a really good story that involved him shoving a whole croissant into his mouth and telling my friend Chandy that she had the most white trash name he had ever heard. He also drew a stadium buddy in my book and if you don’t what that is, you need to read some Sedaris.

Books For Which I Am A Sucker:
I am a huge sucker for “chick lit.” You know, stuff by Jennifer Weiner (which are really good…Laura turned me onto her…oh and Laura, she’s got a short story collection coming out this fall) or the Confessions of a Shopaholic series. I also read the really stupid stuff that borders on teen girl books, like Meg Cabot, who also actually writes teen girl books (The Princess Diaries). One book I read of hers, Every Boy’s Got One, was written through character’s emails and journals. And of course the characters write their conversations down as they are having them. Anyhoo, some “chick lit” is totally stupid, but they’re cheap and worth wasting a few hours on.

Books Of Which There Are More Than One Copy in My Home:
I don’t think I have more than one copy of anything in my home. And if I did have a second copy, I would give it away. I like to spread the love of books.

The First Book I Read In a Foreign Language:
Dora Bruder. It is a true story of a German girl in Paris during the Holocaust. I had to read it for a French class I had. I actually read much better in French than I do speak or write. But I also now own the book in English as well. I also have Interview with a Vampire in French, but have never read it.

Book That Most Recently Inspired Me:
Well, I haven’t really read anything that has inspired me. But I did recently read a book that has become one of my top five favorites. It is called Spilling Clarence by Anne Ursu. I think I might have written about it in an earlier post. But it was an amazing book and I mad that I got it from the library and don’t own it (I might’ve written that in the earlier post as well).

Book We Should All Pre-Order on Amazon:
Well, shoot, I don’t know. I don’t usually pre-order books from Amazon. I usually pre-order movie or tv shows. Like I have pre-ordered Arrested Development Season Three and am anxiously awaiting it. But I will tell you what book I would like to read next. It is called Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I am sucker for circus stories.

Funny, funny story

So, I was watching The DaVinci Code today and a couple of rows back are a group of people who would not stop talking. It was pretty bad, and what made it worse was that they were describing the movie, I mean talking about really obvious things. At one point I wondered if they had a brought a blind person.

The movie ends, the lights go up and we get up and leave and walk past the loud group. One guy was wearing sun glasses and gets out a cane.

Someone had a brought a blind person.

I started laughing hysterically. Who brings a blind person to a movie? What blind person wants to go to a movie?

I Flew in at the Perfect Time

Man, I am so glad that I traveled last week. I traveled with a lot of liquids. Besides my various liquid toiletries, I came back with four bottles of wine. I would’ve died if they had made me leave behind or pour out my Viognier, or my Cabernet Sauvignon, or my Chenin Blanc, or especially the Chocolate Port that I got for my dad, because if I hadn’t given him that, he would’ve gotten nothing. Terrorists suck. They not only want to kill people and inflict great harm, but they make it hard to travel.

Yum in the Tum

As many of you know I was really excited to go back to the LC because of all the great food. I was not disappointed. I had Mexican food every day, sometimes twice a day (I know I'm crazy). And even though I got some weird looks, I took some pictures of my favorite meals to share with you.

This is my Santa Fe Grill breakfast burrito with egg, potatoes, bacon, cheese and green chile. It was delicious and a little smaller than I remember.



This is the chicken fajita burrito from El Sombrero (The Hat). It had soft onions and green peppers. Oh my, that really brought back memories. I used to eat their all the time.


Here are my tacos from Chillitos. One had ground beef, one had shredded beef, and one had shredded chicken. They deep fry them for just a second. And they serve their salsa in a Coronita bottle. Aren't they clever?


Ok, this is the piece de le resistance. Chile rellenos from Chopes. And of course, my big Tequate. The rellenos were hot towards the top. But that was probably just because my tongue of steel is a little soft now.

Here's a funny little anecdote: my friend asked me if I was bullimic. I guess because I was in the bathroom for a while after every meal. I am not bullimic. My stomach is just not used to the Mexican food.

Ok, here's a little taste (haha) of my trip. Maybe next time I will tell you about my trip to some wineries and how I became a member of a wine club.

Post Vacation, Monday Blues

I had a lot of fun in New Mexico last week, but I was happy to get home. There is nothing like being in your own pleasant smelling home and sleeping in your own bed. Unless, your body is still on vacation time and you only get a couple hours of sleep before going back to work, which, as you've probably guessed, happened to me last night.

I would've taken an Ambien, but I didn't think it would be a problem. I was soooo tired yesterday, but I wouldn't let myself take a nap. I wish I could take a nap right now, because I just as tired. And although I am lucky I did not return to any catastrophes or anything, I wish I had so much to do that I didn't have to think about how tired I am.

Because I'm really tired. And this day is DRAGGING.

Anyhoo, I took lots of pictures and have some funny stories (none of which I can think of right now), and eventually I will share them with you.

YOGA...YOGA

I've decided why I love yoga so much. It is because it is really the only form of exercise that starts with five minutes of sitting and breathing deep with your eyes closed and then ends with five minutes of lying on your back with your eyes closed. I think all exercise should begin and end with some simple meditation and corpse pose.

Last night I finally was able to do boat pose. It's not really a hard pose (you balance on your ass, or "sit bones" and put your legs in the air, and then your arms and you kind of make a "V" with your body), but I've never been able to do it all at once.

I am also getting better at this pose…I forget what it is called, but ok, you bend over and then you keep foot and one hand on the ground and the opposite leg and foot go up into the air and you rotate your torso. So if you did it up against a wall, it would look like you were splattered there or something.

I did a terrible job of explaining that. Maybe when I see you all again I will do it for you. But not while I'm drunk like the last time I showed off my yoga moves. This one needs major, sober concentration.

Have a good weekend y'all.

Can You Feel the Heat?

Spent two hours converting word files into pdf's; my job is soooo glamorous. But did you know you can insert other pdf's documents together and make one big pdf file? How could I not think that Adobe Acrobat has the power to amaze?

It has been humid and gross for two days now. Yesterday was worse because it never really rained. At least today it has already rained. We're actually supposed to get some severe weather. Anyhoo, all this humidity is so not good for my hair. I get Big Texas Hair. In this weather I get Big Texas Hair regardless of the procedure I follow and product I use to avoid Big Texas Hair.

I am craving chips and a cigarette.

And everybody, let's give a hand to Lance Bass for coming out as a gay man. I think we all kind of knew, but it's still a much better idea to come out, then to have to live a secret. Congratulations Lance. Hope you and your boyfriend (who is like, a hundred times hotter than Lance) are happy forever. Or at least for a year or so.

Another Photo Essay (Photos by NephewJack, Essay by Witnesssuzy)

Let's see the world through a four year old's eyes.


First there is his foot on the kitchen floor. He's tan.


Here's his foot on carpet near a vacuum.


Then there is his brother, who is seven.


Then of course is "Daddy"


And wow, 80 degrees. What a pleasant day that was.


Finally, a self-portrait, with the self-portrait function. I don't know why he isn't smiling. He was happy taking pictures.


I would also like to add that later when his six month old cousin came over, NephewJack asked me why I would want to waste my camera on him.

This blog was hard to post...jeesh

Another Monday…sigh. This week is going to go by slow, I just know it. I just have to soldier through. You might be getting a lot of blog entries from me this week. It'll make the time go by faster.

So, I did go and see Strangers with Candy yesterday and it was pretty funny. Not as funny as the show and they left out some elements that I thought would be integral, like the theme song or the line that Jerri Blank said at the beginning of each show about being a boozer, a user and a loser. I think perhaps, they were trying to make a movie that might stand apart from the show. But it was still pretty good and Bilbo Baggins was in it and Sarah Jessica Parker has a nice trashy turn in it. Another cool part about the whole, Strangers with Candy-movie-going-experience was that I got to see a preview for Little Miss Sunshine, which looks awesome, and it uses Sufjan Stevens song, which would probably make any preview awesome.

Speaking of movies, I read a really interesting article. To summarize, it says that people with Netflix seem to watch comedies right away, yet keep really heavy dramas for months unwatched. While I do not keep Netflix dramas around for months (if I haven't watched it in a week, it's going back), I have experienced similar feelings. Take this weekend for example. I received my three movies; Mrs. Henderson Presents, Just Friends, and The Princess and the Warrior. The first two were comedies (although Just Friends wasn't really that funny…it actually kind of sucked) and I watched those almost immediately. The Princess and the Warrior is a German film and although I don't mind subtitles, I wasn't looking so forward to watching it because I would have to think and stay on my toes. So I can see where people who Netflix movies like, Saving Private Ryan and Schindler's List take forever to watch them. Those films might not require you to read throughout, but they do force you into using your heart, which connects to the brain. So you are thinking.

But I decided I was going to watch it. And in the end, I really liked The Princess and the Warrior. And I knew that I would, obviously I put it on my list). In fact, it was a hundred times better than Just Friends.

Too Good to be True...But it Is

Strangers with Candy, the movie version of the totally funny and completely horrible television show is now playing at a theater near me. I would go today, if I hadn't already made plans to go to the museum with a friend who would not like the movie anyway. I would go tomorrow if I wasn't already busy. I'll have to wait until Wednesday.

DAMN MY BUSY LIFE!

Yeah, yeah...bring on the funny.

Witnesssuzy's Book Corner

just got done reading the most amazing book, Spilling Clarence by Anne Urusu. It is about a small town, Clarence, where there is a psychopharmaceutical factory. One day there is an explosion and a drug lingers in the air. It makes everyone remember everything. All of these people's memories come back with complete details. For some, it is a great thing. One woman can remember how awesome her mother was before mental illness set in. For some people, it is horrible. One man goes into a coma after starting to remember all the terrible things in his life. But whether the memories are good or bad, the people in the town all start to deteriorate because everything is so overwhelming.

But that is what makes the book so great, the way the writer writes, you can feel the confusion of each person's memories and how crazy it must feel. I mean, can you imagine; every number, every song, every flower, every smell, EVERYTHING brings back some memory. And this happens all day long.

Anyhoo, this is going in the top five of my favorite books. And it makes me mad is that I don't own it. It was really hard to find. It wasn't sold in the bookstore and all the libraries had copies that were missing or damaged (now missing I understand, people want to keep the awesomeness, but damaged? That's just wrong). I finally got it from the main library downtown after looking for it for two months. I think I might have to just order it from Amazon or something. It's just too good to not have within my reach.

Rock Hall Photo Essay bu Witnesssuzy

Saturday I went to the Rock Hall and managed to take a few pictures. I thought I would share and then you could feel like you were there.

Saturday was also Harbor Fest, so besides all the great rock and roll memorabilia, I got to see big ships.

Here is the building. I think it is sharp looking. Jeannie did make to observation that they could've made it big enough to hold the induction ceremony. And I think it could've been built a little bigger to hold a bigger Tom Petty exhibit. But what can you do?

This is Steven Tyler. It's a bust from the video for "Pink." I might not sure how the picture ended up looking like this. Could've been the lack of flash or because I took it fast because I was afraid I would set off an alarm or something. But I think it looks cool.

Finally, the Phish fries and coke. What you can't see is that on either side of these is a sign saying "NO photography permitted." So I tried to be really inconspicuous by kind of hiding and taking the picture from my waist. Jeannie also stood in front of one sign, so in case anyone yelled at me, I could say, "What sign?"

Anyhoo, as always, the Rock Hall rocked and I am really excited that Jeannie lives only 20 minutes away so I have someone to go with whenever I want. Oh and I also learned that someone from Jethro Tull became a woman. I love learning new things every day.

Declaration of the Day

I have decided that I am pro-global warming if it means shorter and milder winters.











Don't forget to celebrate Bastille day by eating french fries or french onion soup.

Good News For Me

The UPS man delivered my new camera and guess what...it has a feature to take self-portraits. Now I love that because I love to take my own picture. I can't wait to take my own picture at the Rock Hall this weekend and on vacation.

In other news, I ate some artichoke dip and it was heavy on the mayonnaise and now I feel kind of gross.

This is the creepiest statue ever

Sometimes I Wished I Lived in Brazil

On NPR this morning there was a story about how after Brazil was eliminated from the championship World Cup game last week, people in Brazil rioted and knocked down a statue of the their team captain that was erected just a few years ago after he was named the best soccer (or football) player in the world. This made me laugh out loud. I think the image in my head is probably much funnier than what actually happened.

Anyhoo, on Saturday I went to a bar that did a "Name That Tune" game. I was apart of Team Pocket Sauce and round after round, we were given the hardest questions. It got worse and worse as the night went on and we were almost defeated by the time the game ended. Until we found out we came in second. We're still not sure how that happened, but it was pretty awesome. Especially when the prize was $11 off of our tab.

Don't forget to wish Mr. Wizard a happy birthday. Today he is 89.

Quick Question

I was just watching Stuck on You and I know Siamese twins are separated all the time, but do you think there are any people who would want to be attached? Would that ever happen?

Maybe it's time for a beer.

Some Perfectly Good Blabbering

I work with a woman who gets to work every day between 5 and 5:30 am. Once, I got an email from her at 4:58 am. And then she works until 4 pm like everyone else. While I have been known to occasionally come in early or work a little late or even through lunch, coming in two hours early seems nuts to me.

I wonder if she has that much work to do. And if she does, maybe she should ask for an assistant or something. Because if she needs to spend 10 hours doing her purchasing work just to get it all done, that is a lot of purchasing, maybe too much purchasing.

Or maybe she hates home and comes in to have a few moments to herself; sit back and drink her coffee is peace. Maybe she's an insomniac and comes in because she's awake. I kind of hope she's an insomniac because if she's not, she must have to go to bed at like 8 pm. The sun's still shining then.

I actually wondered on my drive in to work the day after the big storm a few weeks ago if she would make it in at 5 or if she would get in at 7 or God forbid, late. But she was there. I bet she would've driven through lakes to get here at 5. She's hardcore like that.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Vacation...Yay

I turned in my vacation request yesterday and it was signed immediately. He didn't even look at the dates. Let's give it up for a lack of bureaucratic bullshit. Woot, woot. I once had a job where I wanted to take two, unpaid days off and I had to go through a huge paperwork channel. I wasn't even that important of an employee. And one month later I was laid off because the company filed for bankruptcy. Think of how much money was wasted making me fill out paperwork and wait for paperwork. All the paperwork should've been foreshadowing of what was to come. I am suspicious of too much paperwork.

Anyhoo, anyhoo, back to my vacation. I leave three weeks from this coming Monday. My friend who I am staying with is trying to get pregnant and keeps saying things to me like, "If I am pregnant while you're here, you can have fun and drink and I'll just stick to my iced tea." I am a bad friend, because I hear that and think, "Can't you just fucking wait to even try to have your baby until after I leave? Then you can have a million babies and never worry about seeing me again." I know, I know…bad friend. But what I say to her is, "Oh yeah, that'll be fun too." So I am a bad friend, who is good on the outside.

But pregnant or not, she is taking me to this place called Chope's and I am having the worlds best chile rellenos, a ginormous bottle of Tecate and perhaps a shot of tequila.

God, I miss the old days sometimes.

UPDATE...
Here's a picture of Chope's bar.

Embarrased Beyond Words...well except the words I am about to write

Let me share with you an embarrassing story that happened to me today.

I am wearing my glass today because my contacts bothered me. I really need new glasses because one of my lenses always pops out. So it popped out and landed under my desk back towards the wall. So I literally have to crouch under my desk to get it. At the same time I am crouching, my door opens and our website man is here to see me. So I get up off the floor and start talking with him, discussing changes. I decided to leave my glasses off because they only have one lens in. Until I realize that I need at least one lens to see what I need to show him because even one lens is better than no lens because I am blind as a bat. So I go on to discuss this project with him wearing glasses with one lens in them.

So let’s recap.

First of all I never have appointments or see people, but the one day that I do, I am found coming out from under my desk and then wearing glasses with one lens.

I am mortified.

Happy 4th of July

I don't make a big deal out of the 4th of July. It's just a minor holiday. I mean, I get the importance, but I don't get crazy about it. So surprisingly enough, I have some really great 4th of July memories.

One year I took some acid with a friend. We watched the city fireworks at another friend's house. Afterwards, it seemed like the smoke from the fireworks was taking a long time to clear. Then it started to rain. It wasn't smoke, it was clouds. Anyhoo, the whole night was an awesome time. We stayed up all night and laughed a lot, talked a lot, drank a bottle of wine, and drank a pot of coffee.

A couple of years later, I spent the 4th of July in Juarez, Mexico. I got really drunk and a slight case of food poisoning. I guess that's what I get for celebrating my country's independence in a different country.

Have a safe 4th y'all.

Yahoo

I just found out that I have a four day weekend, and I am super, super excited about this. I don't even know what I am going to do with all that time. I guess live a life of leisure or something.

An Easy $100

So, I did get my internet fixed last night (I am posting this from home), but, although I got the ingredients, I did not make the fruit danishes. And I did not get to golf because it was raining. So the question is this: who out there did not cross their fingers?

I realized that I have not yet written about the bet I made with Laura. I hope she hasn't forgotten about it. I bet her $100 that she would have kids before me. And I feel fairly confident that I am going to win this one. More confidant than Laura anyway, who it looked like had to think twice before shaking my hand that I confidently thrusted out. And don't think I wouldn't take that $100 and tell her to keep it and put it towards her baby. I am not above taking money from a child, or a fetus, or its mother.

Friday is so close I can feel it in the air.

Hey, I need some advice. As many of you know, I am going to NM and I wanted to get my friends something Ohioish with me. I am probably going to take some peanut butter buckeyes, but what else can I take them besides a box of candy that they may or may not like? Any suggestions?

Office Part II (kind of)

I just discovered something cool about my three-hole punch: it can be adjusted so that you can punch holes in the middle of the paper, not just on the edge. That is so awesome.

Ok everyone, keep your fingers crossed that my home internet is fixed tonight. And while I wait for the internet guy to show up, I am going to make fruit danishes. Yes, I am that awesome that I know how to make fruit danishes. Make sure to spread the word. Also, if you are trying to tempt a good-looking (hopefully dirty) guy to marry me with the homade fruit danishes, you might want to mention that I will also inherit some land in Arkansas when my dad dies, so I have a dowry.

I would also like everyone to keep their fingers crossed that the internet guy shows up more towards 4:30 and that it does not rain so I can go to the driving range and use my awesome new clubs.

Ok, on the count of three, cross your fingers.

One...

Two...

Three...

FINGERS CROSSED!

Office

When I go home from work, I have ink and marker marks all over me. Sometimes I can figure out how they got there (like I held the pen way down by the tip), but sometimes I have no idea (like how did I get highlighter on the bottom of my forearm?). Once I had a pen mark on my face by my nose. How did that get there?

My three-hole punch arrived today. The old one that was lying around disappeared, so I ordered one just for me. It is awesome. I am going to become the guy from Office Space with his stapler, I just know I am. In fact I think I am going to put in a drawer each afternoon before I go home so no one will take it…or hopefully no one will take it.

In other news, I think that most of my loyal readers are fans of The Office. Well, I Netflixed the original British version. It’s hard to say which is better; I think because I saw the U.S. version first I am more inclined to say that that one is better, but I did laugh pretty hard at some places in the British version. I definitely like Jim and Pam better than Tim and Dawn (although I do like Tim). Dwight and Garrett are about the same, except Garrett is freakier looking than Dwight. As for the Michael Scott/David Brent…well I actually like David Brent better. Well, not really like, but like to hate more. But that’s because the British can get away with more un P.C. humor.

Anyhoo, I guess what I am saying here, is that if you have the chance to check out the original Office, do it just to check it out.

Happy Tuesday or Happy One Week Until the Fourth of July (for which Laura is going to her ranch and never thought to invite me because apparently, I wouldn’t like it).

Summer Time and the Living is Easy

I have my first sunburn of the summer (fist pumping wildly in the air). And it is the kind of burn that should fade nicely into a tan. However, if you had asked me last night how I felt about my sunburn, I would not have been so positive. After a lot of sun, and well, a lot of beer, I was not feeling so hot. I think around 10, I dragged myself from the couch to bed.

Oh, and speaking of beds and sleeping in them, I had ANOTHER dream about Ralph Fiennes. And again, I don’t know where it came from. I haven’t seen him in anything recently. I did watch the British version of The Office this weekend. Maybe all I need to hear is an English accent and my subconscious just thinks “Ralph Fiennes.” In this dream we weren’t friends. He fell in love with me and had my parent’s house redecorated. Weird, weird, weird.

I saw my nephews yesterday. They put on their bathing suits and played with their water toys. At one point Jack yelled out, “Who wants a free willy?” and proceeded to dump two water bottles on his head. I can only imagine Jack in 20 years yelling out the same question. But I have a feeling it just won’t mean the same thing.

Down Came the Rain (and the hail, the thunder, the lightning and the tornado...and more rain for good measure)

Am I alive? Am I alive? Yes, I am, but it was a pretty hairy night. Between the loud ass thunder, lightning that looked as though it was this close to my face, and of course, the tornado warnings, it was not the usual Wednesday night.

I decided that as long as the thunder was noisy, I was ok. It was the calm around 8 that started freaking me out. But don't worry, it just got loud again. At one point, I did get brave and opened my sliding door and looked out, but as soon as I did that, a big roll of thunder happened and surprised me and I kind of tripped backwards into my living room. I might have let out a "holy shit," but that cannot be confirmed.

I could not divert my eyes from the tv, though. Reporters were calling in reports from their neighborhoods and viewers were calling in and everyone was flooding. Cars were being carried down streets and people were getting trapped. I expected to look out and see my car floating down the parking lot. I got really lucky where I live; no flooding, no power outages. My cable went out about 10, but I was kind of tired anyway, so I just went to bed. This morning the news said it went on until about 4 am. I was a little nervous to leave for work this morning, but it wasn't bad at all, although about a mile up the road from work is closed off due to high water.

And it won't really have any time to dry because we are supposed to have a repeat of the weather (sans tornado warnings) tonight.

Sigh…weather's weird.

If I Were A Rich Girl

I enrolled in my company's 401K plan. I am going to be rich by today's standards in 30 years. Or hopefully anyway. Woo hoo. Someday I'll be able to retire and probably move right back into this apartment. If I ever have a reason to move out in the first place.

I ordered specially made golf clubs today. I get a discount when I take the class so, theoretically, if the stock market does well in the next couple of weeks, I should recoup the expense. I think that's how it works. Oh good lord, 401K's always sound so important, but they are kind of a little confusing.

I played like shit today. I asked the instructor if people can just have an off day, and he said, "didn't you hear about Phil Mickelson completely choking at the Master's this weekend?" I felt a little better, but hoped that maybe I didn't get a little cocky from doing so well the past couple of weeks. Golf is complicated. 401K's are complicated.

$*&%*&&)_^$#()_+_(

It makes it somewhat difficult to get work done when I wasn’t connected to the company’s network. This means I couldn’t check my email, print anything or even get to some of my files. And of course, we don’t really have an IT guy, the VP of Operations does all that stuff and he was suspiciously gone all day today. And of course, one of the files I can’t get to, a client needs me to email to him, which I can’t do. At least I think that’s what he was yelling on the voicemail.

And did you know your ears can sweat? Apparently if you take an aerobics class in a gym where the air conditioning doesn’t work, they can.

What a fucking day.

But the weekend was a lot of fun. I drank way too much and was probably pretty stupid, but drunk or not, I laughed a lot. And we watched A LOT of Arrested Development. And Laura discovered she likes Mexican Martinis. A LOT of Mexican Martinis. PTT got the honor of sleeping on butter. And we all learned that Laura’s dog could bite our faces off.

Good times. Good times.

Hazah, Hazah

Laura is coming, Laura is coming, Laura is coming today! Ole!

I bullied her into getting here at 4:30 instead of 6:00. But I haven't seen her in two months, so we have a lot to stuff into two days. I think when you haven't seen a person in a while, you deserve at least 15 hours for every month you have not seen them. There can be some bend in those rules, par example, if someone had to travel far. But Laura only drives like two hours, so these rules stick.

It is supposed to be 95 degrees Saturday. Whooo, that is hot! I hope I don't get too dehydrated from drinking and then get sun stroke at the Botanical Gardens and pass out into a lovely bunch of flowers. I am sure that me being taken away by an ambulance would put a little damper on the weekend.

Last night in preparations of Laura's arrival, I was tidying up and whatnot and at around 10:15 pm, I decided to throw my bathmat into the washer. I read the tag and it said it could be machine washed, but when it was done washing, around 10:50 pm, some of the material was coming off, and some had come off in the washer. It wasn't falling apart, but it had made a kind of mess. So, I run the sopping wet mat to the bathroom and hang over the bathtub and then I go back to clean the inside of the washing machine. By 11:07 pm, when I was heading to bed, I thought, perhaps it wasn't worth all the trouble to wash the bathmat and that I may never do it again. And that was before 11:17 pm when I decided I was really hot and needed to turn on the air conditioner, before finally laying down in bed for good at 11:18 pm.


I'm tired and hot just thinking about all that. Bon weekend et Jour De Pères Heureux.

A little bit of pee

Last night I happened to catch a show on Comedy Central called "Dog Bites Man" or "Man Bites Dog" or something. Anyhoo, it is about a television news team who are verrrrry politically incorrect. On last night's episode they had to attend sensitivity training, because they are completely insensitive. At one point the woman on the team was saying she had a dream about having sex with a black man and wondered if it was racist because the dream guy had a stereotypically large penis.

The best, the best line in the show was when they were talking about a guy who was gay AND in a wheelchair. His nickname was:

Rolaids

I thought I was going to piss my pants.

FORE

My eyes are droopy today. And I even got to sleep a little earlier last night. What gives?

Last night at my golf lesson, the instructor told my dad that I was doing so well, that every time he walked past me, I was hitting the ball really well. Then this older woman (she's the one you have in every class; won't stop talking, tells dumb stories) goes on about how smooth I like when I am swinging. This is very nice to hear, but very funny for two reasons:

The instructor was telling this to my dad and not to me. It's like I am a little kid or something. Last week I thought the instructor was much younger than he really is (I discovered he is probably in his mid to late 30's), this week I think he thinks I am younger than I am. Maybe it's the new baseball cap I got.

I didn't tell anyone that I had had some experience with golfing. I just said thank you. I mean, I barely know these people, why would I share my life history with them.

I have a little bit of sunburn at the top of my farmers tan. Maybe this year I will actually get a tan. That would be kind of cool. Well, maybe shooting for a tan is over-hoping. I guess it would be cool to not look so pasty in comparison to everyone else.

Jouer au golf heureux, bronzage heureux, heureux quoi que vous ayez choisi de faire aujourd.

Is it Tuesday Yet?

Let's give it up for the longest day ever! Woo hoo. This is probably just the beginning of the longest week ever! Woo hoo. I think half of the problem is that I can't get comfortable in my office. I get hot and I turn on the air conditioner and then I FREEZE. It is actually quite amusing; I have a full sized window unit for one room. That's a lot of cool air, my friends.


I got the invitation for my high school reunion and they really needed a tech writer or something for help with their invitations. It had a tiny questionnaire about our lives and the directions were to use this as an RSVP and send it with the money we are supposed to send. And on the questionnaire there is a spot that we are supposed to mark if we are attending or not. But then it says (like three times throughout the whole flyer) to RSVP with money. So if we're not going and not going to send money, should we not RSVP? It is very confusing. Speaking of sending money, although I never had any intention of going, at first I thought, "oh they're asking for money…well that makes sense," until I read that it's only appetizers and a cash bar. I mean, maybe if we had dinner and an open bar, I could see sending money. What is the money the attendees are sending in going towards? And I thought when we graduated there was some sort of fund or something? But obviously the money is very important since it is mentioned so much on one page. Anyhoo, after that invitation, I am really glad I am not going. It is much less complicated to just throw it in the garbage and pretend I never went to high school.

LON-GEST DAY EV-ER!

What's On the Menu Tonight

I am going to try my hand at crab cakes. I hope that they are delicious. I am also making a lemon dill sauce for the crab cakes to be covered in. Or it can be used for the aparagus. It shouldn't be used for the strawberry pizza.

I love it when people come over...I get to cook new things. Although, one day it is going to fail miserably and the food will be completely disgusting. Maybe that night will come next week when Laura is here...hahaha.

Ok, I am off to practice for my next golf lesson. I hope I haven't forgotten everything I learned.

UPDATE...

Ok, so the crab cakes were delicious. Unfortunately, they didn't maintain their cake form, so it was more like crab cake casserole. But like I said, delicious none the less. Everything else turned out perfectly.

!

Apparently if I want to have the one child I think I might, I will have to have it with a young man.

Old Sperm Causes WHAT?!?!?!

Introducing the (supposed) 8th Wonder of the World

So Brangelina released pictures of their baby, Shiloh on People. I suppose that sometimes pictures don’t do justice, but she just looks like a regular baby. Is it just me or did everyone else expect her to be made of gold? I mean don’t get me wrong, unless she got all the ugly genes, someday she will be a very beautiful girl. But what a poor little thing; she raised such high expectations; she’s got a lot to live up to. I almost feel sorry for her.

For one thing, I believe Brangelina had her as some sort of political statement. “We can have an all American baby, but make her tolerant of diversity in the womb.” She’s either going to grow up to President of the World, or racist and ignorant (you know, just to rebel).

Second of all, how pissed do you think her adopted brother and sister are. I mean, Maddox was the most famous celebrity baby of all time and he’s just been totally replaced. And Zahara looks like an alien. I just want to take the little tykes aside and tell them, “Face it kids, Mommy and Daddy are not going to love you as much anymore. A better, more exciting baby actually came from Mom’s womb. You two just came from some third world countries.”




Lastly, I do hope Brangelina learn to live with bodyguards and such, because of all the crazies in the world that thinks little Shiloh holds some sort of magic in her. Also because I do forsee a major breakdown in Jennifer Aniston’s future, you know, once Vince Vaughn leaves her and she is truly alone.

So I would like to direct my parting words directly to Shiloh: Even though you look like any other baby, and you might not be able to walk through walls or over water, I do hope that you can manage to do all your major milestones (like walking, talking, using the potty) like every other kid. But do watch out for your sister. I swear, someday she might try to take you back to her home planet.

Golf Lessons = Life Lessons

I was watching a movie (Where the Truth Lies) the other night and lo and behold, Danielle from Lost was in it. She was clean and groomed so it took me a while to recognize her.

Anyhoo, I started my golf lessons last night and it was fun. It was nice having 100% success hitting the ball. Norman had mentioned that maybe the teacher would be hot and little dirty. Well, he wasn't really hot and golf pros are never dirty. I think it's the first thing they learn. They all wear somewhat baggy, khaki pants, a polo shirt, clean, look-like-new golf shoes and a baseball cap. And when I say they all wear that, I mean THEY ALL wear that. I think it is a required uniform. NMSU was one of the few schools with a professional golf management program and the guys would travel in packs and they looked like robots.

So, where was I? Oh yes, my golf lesson. There is something strange about someone your age (and let me face, probably a little younger) saying, "That's a girl!" when you hit a ball really far. The best part about anything to do with golf is the 19th hole. Although the four beers I drank did not help to hydrate my overworked muscles, so I am a tad sore today. But it is a good sore.

Speaking of Norman (yes, I did mention Norman), that really sucks about your rental house getting hit by the hurricane. Are the people living there still able to live there? What kind of damage has been done?

Theory for Thought

We kind of had a glossic discussion with PTT about that gross Skittles commercial, but here is another thought on what is mono or polyglossic.

So I realize that Public Enemy's "Fight the Power" has been monoglossic for ages. But what do you think of it being used in a Turbo Kick aerobics class. I mean, that's kind of polyglossic. Or perhaps it is the person who put together the routine to the music who is polyglossic. Either way, it's got some potential.

What do you all think?

I Spend a lot of Time at the Gym if the Only Interesting Things I Have to Talk About Revolve Around the Gym

I realized the other day that I read over people's shoulders on the machines next to me. I'll be eliptical training along and then I notice that they are reading Us Weekly or Star or some other glossy entertainment magazine and I am absorbed. I don't think anyone has noticed yet, or if they have, they are a lot nicer than me. If I noticed someone doing the same thing, I would give them a look that says, "There's a whole box of magazines over there...get your own."

I ran into my new mailman yesterday. He is very, very good looking. And of course, of course, I am just coming back from the gym and am sweaty and gross and because I am so sweaty, my already large t-shirt has expanded and hangs on me to my knees, just covering my gym shorts, which although were in the women's section, I am convinced are actually men's shorts because they are so HUGE. In other words, oh yeah, I was hot.

I have been practicing my yoga and I can hold my legs behind my head now. It is supposed to be a really controlled movement and I pretty much...well, I swing my legs back there and prop up my hips. BUT, I can do it.

Oh and this last tidbit, well this is going to throw you right over the edge, Norman. A midget has joined my gym. And although The Station Agent has made me come a long way from my fear of little people, I must say, I was not prepared to see a midget huffing and puffing on the treadmill. I wonder if she will ever try the eliptical trainer. I am not sure she would reach the handles. You know, exercise equipment is very small people friendly. Midgets and dwarves could sue for discrimination and then there would be miniature exercise equipment.

Ok, I've gone to far.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

There are a couple of work vehicles here; not cars, but the things that move things and whatnot. And when they go backward, they make that beeping sound. BEEP BEEP BEEP!

During the past couple of days, somebody has been driving across the entire building BACKWARDS. So for five minutes, all I hear is BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Was it annoying to read all that? Imagine listening to it.

When I was a kid I used to be able to lay flat on the floor and then swing my legs up and over my head and hold them there by pressing on my hips. I didn't realize I was doing a yoga move. But now that I want to do it as a yoga move, I can't anymore. What the frick? I am so going to practice everyday so that when I go back to class next Thursday, I will blow everyone away. I am also going to practice my tree pose while I am doing the dishes.(The instructor says yoga should not be a competition with others or with ourselves. I really just want to blow everyone away for my own personal satisfaction and not as competition.)

Je suis fatigué et affamé et heureux c'est vendredi. Ayez un bon week-end.

Titre

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

This morning I got into my office and I didn't have my coffee. I thought I had left it in my car and then honestly began to wonder if I had remembered to bring it from home at all.

But to end the suspense I just created, I did remember to bring it from home. I had just left it in the car.

I just recently got a four drawer filing cabinet in my office. I don't have to keep my shit in a box. It's awesome. It makes me feel organized, but I don't really think I am. I just put all my files in there without any system. But I don't know how to systematically organize things. Aren't there people out there who do that kind of stuff for a living? Maybe I should hire them to organize my filing cabinet (in which I only truly use two drawers).

In case you happen to not hear through email, various blogs or by phone call, Laura is going to have a baby. Haha…ok, she got a car. But you would think it was a baby. Or at least have a hand to shake. "I want to shake the Focus' hand." HAHAHA. All kidding aside, that is very exciting news. And she's driving me to the botanical gardens.

Au revoir, chacun. Ayez un jour splendide