Introducing the (supposed) 8th Wonder of the World

So Brangelina released pictures of their baby, Shiloh on People. I suppose that sometimes pictures don’t do justice, but she just looks like a regular baby. Is it just me or did everyone else expect her to be made of gold? I mean don’t get me wrong, unless she got all the ugly genes, someday she will be a very beautiful girl. But what a poor little thing; she raised such high expectations; she’s got a lot to live up to. I almost feel sorry for her.

For one thing, I believe Brangelina had her as some sort of political statement. “We can have an all American baby, but make her tolerant of diversity in the womb.” She’s either going to grow up to President of the World, or racist and ignorant (you know, just to rebel).

Second of all, how pissed do you think her adopted brother and sister are. I mean, Maddox was the most famous celebrity baby of all time and he’s just been totally replaced. And Zahara looks like an alien. I just want to take the little tykes aside and tell them, “Face it kids, Mommy and Daddy are not going to love you as much anymore. A better, more exciting baby actually came from Mom’s womb. You two just came from some third world countries.”




Lastly, I do hope Brangelina learn to live with bodyguards and such, because of all the crazies in the world that thinks little Shiloh holds some sort of magic in her. Also because I do forsee a major breakdown in Jennifer Aniston’s future, you know, once Vince Vaughn leaves her and she is truly alone.

So I would like to direct my parting words directly to Shiloh: Even though you look like any other baby, and you might not be able to walk through walls or over water, I do hope that you can manage to do all your major milestones (like walking, talking, using the potty) like every other kid. But do watch out for your sister. I swear, someday she might try to take you back to her home planet.