It's Almost Time to Travel South

I always forget how quickly the semester goes after we get back from spring break. And I am so looking forward to this semester ending for many reasons:

1. It has kind of sucked. I work and work and feel like no progress gets done.
2. I'm going traveling this summer!!

I have a conference in Raleigh, NC towards the end of May and then I am going to rent a car and:

1. Go to Charleston, SC so I can see an ocean (the Atlantic) for the very first time!!
2. Then go to Savannah, GA and see all the awesome things I read about in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil which is an awesome book and a terrible movie. Go with the book.
3. Make a pit stop in Ashville, NC where I hear some hot, dirty hippies live. Perhaps I'll snag one.
4. Head up through Kentucky and stop to see my friend Jen.
5. Stop in Cincinnati and possibly see my friend Laura (if you're reading this Laura, I will email you soon!)
6. Then go to my parent's house, which is actually my least favorite part of the trip.

I just need to get through, like six more weeks. I can do it. I can do it.

Spring Break (or as I like to call it, Work from Home Week)

It's Spring Break time, but it doesn't feel like it at all. Last week the weather felt like spring break weather - it was sunny and warm. Yesterday we had a dust storm that resulted in a brown out. No one could see the mountains and everyone stayed home. Today, it was windy and hailing. It is supposed to get a little better as the week goes on, but more than annoying, it is weird. It really does feel like the apocalypse.

I've also been working like a dog. I think I've worked more so far this week than I normally do in a week. This dissertation business sucks. I thought I would like being out of coursework and doing my own work. But it doesn't feel like my work anymore and I have no real emotion about it. All I want is to get it done. It's also the most isolating work I've ever done. It's hard to talk about with anyone who isn't right in the midst of doing it. I work on it and then I think about it and thinking too much, ironically, gets me into trouble. For once, I actually miss having conversations with people about ideas and what kind of work to do. Now I get ready to write alone and get done writing alone. And nobody is every going to read it anyway.

Some days it all feels like bullshit.

But before you feel too sorry for me, or think I am turning into a whiny, little bitch, I did have a great day in Albuquerque on Saturday. And I have plans to go golfing tomorrow (if the weather doesn't continue to be biblical). Maybe I'll see 21 Jumpstreet. I mean, who knows. It's supposed to be Spring Break.

What If...

I've often wondered how my life would've been different if I had acted crazy. Not like crazy enough to be put in an asylum, but crazy enough to get what I want. Because if there's anything I've learned in 34 years, it is that crazy women get what they want. You all know the type of crazy I am talking about - the women who throw fits and yell in inappropriate places. Women who stalk and harass. Women who lie down in the street to get what they want. Women who drink too much and cry or just turn into the worst version of humanity.

I'm not dumb. I realize these women get what they want because people are a little scared of them (me too!). But I don't understand how some people actually gravitate towards them.

I also want to state that I can be crazy. I over think everything. When I am not thinking about my dissertation and teaching, I am thinking things like, "Why doesn't he like me?" Why don't they like me?" "When did they stop liking me?" "Did I say something wrong?" "Did I say something wrong three months ago?" It's exhausting. Perhaps so exhausting that it never actually occurred to me to start yelling things to get my way or stalk and confront people to get my answer or a version of the answer that is satisfactory.

But what if I did? Would I have more friends than I knew what to do with? Would I have tons of men fighting over me?

I always thought that if I was just myself - which I know isn't perfect, but can be a fun, interesting person - things would fall into place. I also thought that these women outgrew crazy. But, I think I am more wrong about this than right. And some days it is sooo annoying.

Disclaimer - I know some really lovely people that see crazy a mile away and stay away. These are people that are interested in interesting people. But let's be honest - we all know a lot of people who gravitate towards the crazy and can't get enough of it.