What If...

I've often wondered how my life would've been different if I had acted crazy. Not like crazy enough to be put in an asylum, but crazy enough to get what I want. Because if there's anything I've learned in 34 years, it is that crazy women get what they want. You all know the type of crazy I am talking about - the women who throw fits and yell in inappropriate places. Women who stalk and harass. Women who lie down in the street to get what they want. Women who drink too much and cry or just turn into the worst version of humanity.

I'm not dumb. I realize these women get what they want because people are a little scared of them (me too!). But I don't understand how some people actually gravitate towards them.

I also want to state that I can be crazy. I over think everything. When I am not thinking about my dissertation and teaching, I am thinking things like, "Why doesn't he like me?" Why don't they like me?" "When did they stop liking me?" "Did I say something wrong?" "Did I say something wrong three months ago?" It's exhausting. Perhaps so exhausting that it never actually occurred to me to start yelling things to get my way or stalk and confront people to get my answer or a version of the answer that is satisfactory.

But what if I did? Would I have more friends than I knew what to do with? Would I have tons of men fighting over me?

I always thought that if I was just myself - which I know isn't perfect, but can be a fun, interesting person - things would fall into place. I also thought that these women outgrew crazy. But, I think I am more wrong about this than right. And some days it is sooo annoying.

Disclaimer - I know some really lovely people that see crazy a mile away and stay away. These are people that are interested in interesting people. But let's be honest - we all know a lot of people who gravitate towards the crazy and can't get enough of it.