A Hurricane a Day Keeps the Hurricane Away

Happy Mardi Gras Ya’ll. (That’s, Happy Fat Tuesday everyone, for those who don’t speak New Orleaneans.) I, of course, have not really celebrated Mardi Gras since I was an undergraduate. It just gave me a more festive reason to drink on a Tuesday evening. I don’t plan to celebrate it tonight either. But today, and today only, you can watch New Orleans on CNN’s Pipeline web player for free. So, I’ve occasionally clicked over to see the hundreds of people out on Bourbon Street walking around, harrassing the reporter out on the street, and drinking. The drinking part seemed cool; I was thinking I could go for a 7-11 type frozen drink that could knock me on my ass.

And then I looked at the clock and it said 10:14 am. That made me enjoy the coverage even more. I can’t wait to see what it is like at let’s say, 2:14 pm.

I think I am going to give up candy for Lent. Not chocolate altogether, that would just be foolish. But I do tend to grab a candy bar in the checkout line and I do love Easter candy, specifically, Cadberry Eggs. So I think I shall just nip that in the bud and save the actual eating of Easter candy for Easter.

The last time I gave something up for Lent, I have up bread, not carbs, just bread. I wouldn’t eat pizza. I was living with my parents at the time and they ate a lot of pizza and my dad would get so annoyed with me. But I went six weeks without it.


I use Lent as a diet program. Would I go to Hell for that?

Junk in my Email Trunk

Our old receptionist, who left to have a baby, sends me at least three email forwards a night. Three at least; that’s on a slow day. I’ve also arrived on a Monday morning and have found 23 emails from her. She used to send us LOTS of pictures of her baby, now she sends us the raunchiest forwards. I’m no prude, but a lot of these aren’t even funny, they’re just gross or dumb. One example:

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he >> is not too experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers >> naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to >> her and tries to be reassuring.>> >> "My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten. >> I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting >> you want. What chou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and >> hoping to impress his virgin bride.>> >> A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for >> her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure,>> "I want to try someting I have heard about... numbaa 69".>> >> More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled >> tone he queries...>> >> "You want... Chicken wiff broccori?"

Besides this kind of stuff, I get pictures of boobs and penises and people having sex. Some of them are of old people having sex. If the AARP set had their own Hustler Magazine, these pictures would be in them.


Then every once in a while we get those super sweet ones, like “you’re my friend and I love you” or “aren’t angels sweet” or some shit like that. I am being attacked by emails.

Oh well. I am tired today. It has been hard to get out of bed this week.

Failing At a Life I've Already Lived

I’ve been reading The Historian. It is a lot like The Di Vinci Code except that instead of people chasing after Jesus and Mary and their secret child, people are chasing after Dracula, because he’s real and still roaming the earth. It is really interesting, but it is very long. And because it is a new book, I can only have it from the library for two weeks. Actually, it is due a week from Thursday. So I really need to kick ass and read this book.

Over the weekend I gave myself a reading deadline. By the end of the weekend I was to be half way through the book. I thought it would be fun and would remind me of being in school when I had a reading assignment.

But by 11:15 last night, I was tired and decided to stop, 30 pages from my goal. I wouldn’t make a very good student anymore. And while I am sure that I will get the book done by the time I have to return it, I feel slightly disappointed in myself that I was 30 pages shy. I could’ve not watched Grey’s Anatomy and probably been well past my goal.

Who am I kidding? There is no way I was going to miss Grey’s Anatomy and seriously, it’s just a book. If I really want to accomplish something, I’ll set my goals a little higher than reading a book.

I just like to eat food. I just ate an egg.

I don’t know if any of you have seen a movie called Junebug. It has a Family Stone-esque storyline in that a guy brings his wife home to meet his family, with less than awesome results. It was nice movie. Actually, the actress who plays the pregnant sister-in-law was nominated for an Oscar for it.

Anyhoo, anyhoo...there is a scene where the pregnant sister-in-law says something about wanting to swallow a bottle of nail polish. And the other sister-in-law says something about how that is Pica and that she’s heard about how sometimes pregnant women get this.

Pica is when people, mostly children, have this uncontrollable urge to eat things that shouldn’t be eaten. Like dirt or nail polish. It’s more than an urge really, they actually do consume these things.

Anyhoo, anyhoo, that scene, and well, Pica in general, reminds me of a student I battled with. He was writing a speculating about causes paper about why kids eat glue. And one of the causes he wanted to speculate about was Pica. But you can’t really speculate about something that’s been proven. But of course when dealing with students, you don’t often get an ok, you know best. You get the, why not? I don’t understand, it is like you came from a different planet to each English.

I wonder how that kid knew about Pica? Maybe he was afflicted by it himself.

And that’s all for today’s edition of Witnesssuzy's movie/memory spotlight.

Waiting for Tropical Winds

It’s 54 degrees out right now. Tomorrow it will be like, 25 degrees. Weather astounds me. It’s so manic-depressive.

I was almost impaled by this guy carrying aluminum earlier. The first thing I saw was the aluminum and I was like, “Whoa!” and then he saw me and he was like, “Whoa.” And he was kind of cute so I gave a kind of laugh to let him know that it was cool, I didn’t mind being almost impaled by him. But he did not laugh back. (And fuck you Hillary Duff’s sister, people totally say “whoa” still. Maybe if you did real work instead of being chewing ice gum, you would know).

Oh and just in case you were wondering, I don’t think I am too sick anymore. Just a kind of stuffy nose, but otherwise A-ok. I even want a cigarette, but I don’t want to get sick again, so I am not smoking.

Airborne to the left, Sudafed to the Right and Hand Sanitizer Directly in Front of Me

If I had known what a pain in the ass leaving xanga behind would be, I would’ve never done it. Ok, I probably would’ve done it anyway.

So I am feeling a tad ill today. Mainly a stuffy nose and some aches. I think my glands might be swollen. The sides of my neck hurt and that’s where the glands are, right? I don’t know anything about being sick except that it makes me feel bad.

But it doesn’t make me feel so bad that I should not come to work. So that is either good or bad. But it does make me feel bad enough that I don’t want to go to the gym, which is bad...in my opinion. Oh well, if I don’t go to the gym, I will get better faster and then I can get back to the gym quicker. Yeah, yeah, that’s the ticket.

Ok, here is a gross story. A couple of hours ago I was having trouble with my contact and I started trying to carefully rub my eye. And then I was convinced that my contact was inside my head. Then I looked down at the floor and there it was. So I picked it up, squirt some solution on it and threw it back in my eye.

Still brain storming big 30th plans. It will not be running a marathon because (A) I hate, hate, hate running and (2) I already have a job for Laura’s marathon; I throw the water at her in a paper cup. I was thinking something along the lines of becoming a yoga master or a vegetarian. I don’t know, but I am open to suggestions, so keep them coming.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Currently listening to Ringside…a new CD that I LOVE! Favorite song: “Tired of Being Sorry.”

Ok, so I’ve been thinking. I wasn’t really looking forward to turning 30, well I’m still not really, but I can’t stop it. And really, it is a momentous age. So I am going to quit being a baby and use this to do something exciting. Change something about myself. Do something I’ve never done before. I realize that I have like 20 months until I turn 30, but I think I might need all those 20 months to prepare, both physically and emotionally. So, uh, ok, I am looking forward to this. Yeah, it might not be so bad after all.

Any suggestions on what should be the big thing to do for 30?

I'm Here to Learn You

I said I was going to get renters insurance by the end of the day yesterday and I did. I am a woman of her word…sometimes…if I feel like it.

I am also going to be purchasing my tickets to Las Vegas within the week. I am monitoring prices. You know those commercials that say “Fly to Las Vegas as low as $99.” Well that must be the cost when you fly in from Reno, because I am paying significantly more than $99 for three days of fun. But I do get the pleasure of taking a red eye flight. I think it’ll be weird. But a good weird.

I am also determined to take care of myself in flight like one is supposed to, to make sure I do not dry out and turn to dust. I will drink lots of water and make sure my moisturizer is handy. I think there are some other tips, I will look for those and keep you posted. I don’t have to worry about drinking while flying because it literally makes me ill. I picked up my friend Justin from the airport once and he had had four beers mid-flight, which equals to eights and well, long story short, he was shitfaced. I believe we had a fight on the way home from the airport.

Anyhoo, some more useless information about me. Don’t you feel more educated or something?

What Was I Doing? Oh yeah...uh...what?

There was a huge fire in an apartment complex about a mile away from me last night. What will be done by the end of the day today? I will get renters insurance.

And when I left for work this morning, I couldn’t remember if I blew out a candle last night. Of course, a fire would happen the day I decide to get renters insurance. Murphy’s Law and all.

Then I think, if it was still burning, wouldn’t I have seen it this morning when I walked past it to open the curtains? In any case, I think I will be going home for lunch a bit early. If there is a home to go home to.

I wonder why it is that I remember all the small stuff that doesn’t matter. How someone was once mean to me. To at least look at the bananas in the store, but not necessarily buy them. To get a package of post-its when I still have a whole pad left. But I forget to blow out a candle at night. I forget to lock the door. I forget to make an important work phone call.

Maybe it’s a good thing I bought that extra pack of post-its. I’ll have to put more up to remind me of more things that need to be done.

A Quickie to Start the Week With

My parents make fun of me and say my apartment is too cold. My dad told my brother that I have electric heat and my bill last month was still only $60. And this does not bother me, because I am comfortable. I live on the second floor, so heat rises and I am probably saving the environment or something grand like that.

But of course when something mentions something, one tends to think about it. Like this morning, I kept hearing the heat go on and I was afraid I forgot to turn it down before I went to bed. It never occured to me that it was just that cold outside and needed to run. Maybe when it is 19 degrees overnight, I could turn the heat up a few degrees to 62.

You want to know what would fix this issue? Summer.

(Snow Update: There is nothing to update. We got a dusting and that was it. I was never so excited to wake up and see a little snow in all my life.)

No News of Good News

It’s back. It often times incapacitates people at the worst moments. Makes it hard to live…you know, the day to day stuff. When it happens, it is all I can manage to think about. You’ve heard all about it here before. It’s been a few months and I’ve gotten used to it not being here. Too used to it.

Yes, the snow is back and it is to snow tomorrow and Sunday, pretty much snow and snow and snow. While I am thankful it’s on a weekend so I don’t have to get up early shovel and so forth, I was supposed to go to my parent’s house for my brother’s birthday. I was going to see the new kid and so forth. But snow makes the deliberation to go so much harder. “Do I want to get stuck at my parent’s house overnight? NO! Do I want to not go because this snow could end up being nothing? Not really.”

And perhaps like so many other things in my life, I might be worrying a little too early. Maybe I should wait and see what tomorrow brings.

In other noteworthy-only-to-me news, I am mad at Netflix right now. Not mad enough to cancel it or anything, but just annoyed. And really, half of my annoyance should go to the Post Office. Whatever they do to cause people to go into these places and shoot people should stop because it fucks with my movie watching. Netflix doesn’t receive my movies for three days (Post Office’s fault) and then Netflix doesn’t send me a movie until the next day (Netflix’s fault). I just want to get my movies and watch them. Am I asking for too much here?

Cut the Cheese...Literally

When Laura left my house on Sunday, she left a ginormous block of cheese. It had not even been open. So you want to know what I did with that cheese? I started eating it. And eating and eating...worse than a fucking mouse. So last night I threw almost half a block of ginormous cheese away, as well as a ginormous box of crackers. I freed myself. And really have no desire to eat cheese.

But I think trashing the cheese added some extra oomph to my life. I woke up early and full of energy. I am having a good hair day. The pants I put on felt a little better than they did the last time I wore them. The shell successfully came off my hard boiled egg this morning. The amount of work I have to do is making the day go by quickly.

It just all feels too good. Something has got to happen to really piss me off. And you want to know something else, if it does, I will throw more food in the trash. I mean, if I have to sacrifice eating for good joo joo, I will.

Reevaluating My Priorities

I give myself very little time to get ready in the morning. This is because I try to get as much ready the night before, including laying my clothes out, filling my water bottle, setting up the coffee. I have to be at work 7 and sleep is very precious to me. Usually I can get ready in the 30 minutes I allow myself. It is really easy now that I wear jeans to work.

But today was one of those mornings. My contacts didn’t want to work and I decided I didn’t want to wear what I set out and my hardboiled egg that I eat while putting on my shoes was a little bitch to de-shell. Then, when I took off my ring to put lotion on my hands, I dropped my ring and couldn’t find it.

Here’s the kicker to the story; I never had a chance to blow my nose this morning. I always do. It made me reevaluate my schedule. If I don’t have enough time to blow my nose, on any morning, it might not hurt to get up a few minutes early.