Junk in my Email Trunk

Our old receptionist, who left to have a baby, sends me at least three email forwards a night. Three at least; that’s on a slow day. I’ve also arrived on a Monday morning and have found 23 emails from her. She used to send us LOTS of pictures of her baby, now she sends us the raunchiest forwards. I’m no prude, but a lot of these aren’t even funny, they’re just gross or dumb. One example:

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he >> is not too experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers >> naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to >> her and tries to be reassuring.>> >> "My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten. >> I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting >> you want. What chou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and >> hoping to impress his virgin bride.>> >> A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for >> her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure,>> "I want to try someting I have heard about... numbaa 69".>> >> More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled >> tone he queries...>> >> "You want... Chicken wiff broccori?"

Besides this kind of stuff, I get pictures of boobs and penises and people having sex. Some of them are of old people having sex. If the AARP set had their own Hustler Magazine, these pictures would be in them.


Then every once in a while we get those super sweet ones, like “you’re my friend and I love you” or “aren’t angels sweet” or some shit like that. I am being attacked by emails.

Oh well. I am tired today. It has been hard to get out of bed this week.