The Reader I Am

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Literate Good Citizen You read to inform or entertain yourself, but you're not nerdy about it. You've read most major classics (in school) and you have a favorite genre or two.
Book Snob
Dedicated Reader
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

A Self-Portrait...

of Jack and me on the occasion of his sixth birthday party.

Priceless

Have you seen the Mastercard commercial where the little boys are wearing backpacks and dancing to "We've got the funk?"

I love it. It makes me giggle every time I see it.

Small Stuff

I've discovered that it is not just midget and dwarf people that weird me out a little, it is midget and dwarf grapes also. They are tart and gross, just like midget and dwarf people.

Just kidding. I actually don't know if midget and dwarf people are tart and gross. They might be sweet and clean for all I know.

I also don't like dwarf or midget cars because they make me think there is an open parking space and there isn't. It makes me want to kick them, just like midget and dwarf people.

Just kidding, I wouldn't kick a midget or dwarf person. To be honest, I probably wouldn't get close enough to kick them.

Suzy at One With Nature

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I discovered a really awesome bike train this summer. It's not just long and flat; it has some hills and dips and curves. It gets me really close to nature. On Sunday I rode my bike with a butterfly by my side for some of the ride. He was my friend.

I also see lots of deer. They are really skinny. I saw a really, really skinny one yesterday. I bet Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows was thicker than this deer. And after seeing all these deer, I don't understand why hunters actually have to hunt. I mean, come on, they're just running in front of me. I could totally shoot one if I had or gun, or really wanted to.

And this bike trail connects and interlaces with horse trails. Yesterday, I was just riding along, minding my own business and I perpendicularly passed a horse and it's rider. I guess I kind of spooked the horse because it looked as though the rider had to work to control it. What the heck? You would think these horses would be used to bike riders. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I almost saw a horse kill a person yesterday.

This is why I don't like horses, they are killers.

Tidbits to Get You Through the Weekend

"To alcohol, the cause and solution of all life's problems." - Homer Simpson.

I just thought I would start my blog with one of my favorite Simpsons quotes because the Simpsons movie comes out today. Did you know that they turned some 7-11's into Kwik-E Marts. I totally would've gone to one but the closest one to this area is Chicago. And I don't like the Simpsons enough to travel to Chicago to go to a Kwik-E mart.

This weekend I am going to Ann Arbor to go to World Market. I love World Market. It's so exotic and international. I am going to get coffee beans! Hooray for beans.

In other news, I got a new phone. My old phone broke in half while I was trying to make a phone call. So I got one of those LG's that plays music. My niece says it looks like an iPod. Anyhoo, it has all of these features...music, television...and I probably won't use any of them. Well maybe I will. I should never say never. But it just seems complicated. Actually, it's probably not complicated, I am probably just lazy. And I tell you, I've been really lazy lately.

Oh, oh, oh, I have to tell you all this. Last night I was at the grocery store and you want to know what I saw...Alouette Light. So of course I had to buy it and try it out. And it tasted just like the regular. There really isn't much difference in calorie count; 50 vs. 80, but it's one of those things where if you are counting calories, every bit helps right?

Alright. I want everyone to have a nice weekend. And just think a week from this weekend, three of us will be seeing each again! Yay.

I am going to talk about Harry Potter...READ at YOUR own RISK!

I was really, really sad when I read the last page. It all of a sudden occured to me, there was nothing to look forward to now (in terms of Harry Potter, not my life).

I want to start with the few things I didn't like. And by no means did the following ruin the book for me; I was just like, whatever.

1. The scene at the end where Dumbledore explains everything to Harry. I guess we needed it, but it seemed sooo heavy handed.
2. Uh, why didn't Harry, Ron, Ginny, or Hermione name their kid Fred?
3. Speaking of Fred...I was not expecting all the death. Mad Eye, Lupin, Tonks, Dobie, Snape, Fred, and of course Voldemort. Well, I was kind of expecting Voldemort, but there was still a lot of death. I thought Rowling said two characters? LIAR!
4. And going back to number 2, speaking of the future, why didn't she tell us what they do? Who is the headmaster of Hogwarts?
5. Didn't you think that Harry's aunt had something more important to play in the overall story? I mean, I thought that was hinted at in an earlier book.
6. And lastly, I didn't not like this, but when Ron left, I was SOOO angry. I felt horrible for Hermione.

But to move on to what I loved...
1. That when Hermione and Ron finally had their moment (or at least the first one we knew about anyway) that it was kind of steamy. I always knew Hermione had it in her.
2. When Harry summoned his mom and dad and Sirius and Lupin to walk with him to what he thought was his death.
3. The final battle at Hogwarts. It rocked.

I thought it was a good ending overall. I liked how all the major characters from previous books made some sort of appearance.

Don't you think this will make a kick ass movie?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter!

So have ya'll caught Harry Potter fever yet? I am on the verge. I am picking up my book on Saturday. I thought for a second of going on Friday, but it sounds like way too much work. Anyhoo, I get my book on Saturday and I may not do anything else for the rest of the weekend. I may just read and read and read. I want to savor the last experience and yet I want to know what happens. I think my desire to know what happens will win out. I've also been avoiding anything on the internet that has to do with Harry Potter. I do not want any spoilers.

I think I am going to go see the new movie this week too. I want to feel caught up on everything.

I also tried to get my mother to buy me Harry, Hermione and Ron action figures. She said no.

Well, everyone if, I don't talk to you again this week, Happy Harry Potter-ing!

For most of my life, I have not liked tomatoes. I have liked tomato flavored things like ketchup or tomato sauce for spaghetti, but never actual tomatoes. I never liked the texture. It seemed weird.

I have gotten better with age. I discovered I liked them on my pizza. Someone told me to eat them with fresh mozzarella and balsamic vinegar. I learned to like BLT's.Over the weekend I was having dinner at my parents house and my mom put out a plate of tomato slices and I decided I was going to have one. And I liked it. I thought it was very tasty.

So tasty that I actually bought some tomatoes and have been slicing them up and having them with my dinner.

I still don't really like them in salads or sandwiches, and I don't really like them cut into wedges, but I feel like a whole new person here. First it was mushrooms, then onions, now tomatoes. I wonder what other vegetables I should try?

Jack Tale #276

Last year Jack liked to run around naked yelling, "Penis Man!"

As he's grown, he's become more modest.

Now he runs around in his underwear yelling, "Underware Man!"

My mother is convinced that he's going to grow up to be a flasher.

Post 4th of July

4th of July in the middle of the week is dumb. I drank too many beers in the hot sun. And then I was tired. So I went to bed at 9:30 pm. I read until 10 and fell into a deep sleep. Until 10:20 when I thought I heard noises that sounded like someone was trying to break into my apartment. But it was actually fireworks.

That is how I lame I am on the 4th of July. I thought fireworks were a burglar.

I Guess I Have a Case of the Mondays or Whatever

Yes, yes it was serendipitous that my power came on exactly as I got home on Friday. But this morning it did me no good. I forgot to reset all of my important alarms. So my alarm clock went off a good half an hour before I usually wake up and I was sleeping GOOD. And my coffee brewed at midnight instead of its time. That actually makes it two work days in a row that I have not had coffee at home. Friday, it went off, but I had forgotten to put the grounds in, so I had hot water.

And today, I forgot to brush my teeth. I am pretty sure I have never done that. I ate an apple because apples apparently help bad breath (another good reason to eat apples) and brushed them while I am at home for lunch.

I think it is the screwy work week. I have Wednesday off. So it's like two little mini-weeks or something.

Serendipitous

Earlier this evening, I was getting ready to go out and was in the shower and my power went out. Thankfully I had less than hour before I was to leave and was sure it would be back on before I got home. I mean, my neighbors are old ladies; I knew that they weren't going to let this go on all night.

But when I came back nearly 4 hours later, it still wasn't on when I pulled in. There was no lights on inside and none of the parking lot lights were on. But as I was walking up the stairs, struggling to find my apartment key, the lights went on. Perfect timing, huh?

But, my question is this: is the food in my fridge bad? It didn't feel hot inside and the beer I pulled out to drink wasn't warm at all. It wasn't freezing cold, but it was drinkable. I am not sure. I do know I have a lot of good food in my fridge. I hope it isn't bad.

Fish...Yay or Nay?

Did you know that some male fish are taking on female characteristics due to water pollution? Weird, and kind of gross. A couple of weeks ago I wanted to go swimming in a lake, but I think I am ok not doing that. In my head it goes like this: I go for a lovely afternoon swim and I come out and all of a sudden I care way too much about sports. And I can't pick up after myself (I admit here, I am stating stereotypes). Or worse, I come out of the lake with a penis.

You want to know what are awesome. Japanese bread crumbs. They are kind of like the breading used on coconut shrimp. You want to know what sounds awesome. Coconut shrimp. I wonder if I should place an order at Red Lobster.

Wait a minute…should I get shrimp? What if the males have female characteristics? Is it ok to eat hermaphrodite shrimp? Do shrimp have a sex?

Damn my inquisitive nature.

Who Knew?

Apparently every sport has its own dangers.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20043882,00.html

Weekend

I'm tired and my body hurts. I feel like I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. I think instead of going to the gym, I am going to go home straight away after work and lay around for the rest of the evening. I should probably go to the grocery store, but I don't want to do that either. A smoothie sounds good. Maybe I will get one of those on my way home.

I had a golf lesson yesterday, hence my body hurting. It was awesome though. The couple of tips he gave me helped immensely. I was hitting the ball straight AND far. Hooray.

I fell out of bed yesterday morning. I rolled over to get out of bed, but I was too close to the edge and just rolled out and onto the floor. I don't remember ever falling out of bed before. Although it is funny in hind site, it is kind of jarring first thing in the morning.

Saturday I was almost run over by a stroller while I was at an art fair. And the woman said, "Wow, I got really close." Not, "sorry" or "excuse me." "Wow, I got really close." Like she was trying to hit me; like I was two points or something. And the people I was with said it did look like she was aiming for me. I hate mothers and strollers. I want to yell, "You are not entitled; people should not bow down to you because you have given birth." I mean really, millions of women give birth every day. It's not that special. I have not given birth, I think that sounds more special.

Oh and speaking of kids and mothers and the art fair. I went to the bathroom and this little boy had pooped his pants. He asked his mother if he was going to have to go the shed. The mother looked mortified and said that he just shouldn't poop his pants. I mean, I know kids say the "darndest things," but you have to wonder about a little boy who is afraid he has to go to a shed for punishment.

See what I mean about needing a weekend for me weekend?

Post Cards

This is going to be a very good year for postcards for me. Norman has already sent me around 10 (I don't know the exact number off the top of my head) detailing her trip to the Bay Area of California. Laura is (or had better) send me one from Hawaii. And Jeannie said she would send me one from Ireland.

I should put together a coffee table book of all the postcards I have received. I have a lot.

Would you all buy a coffee table book of all the postcards I have ever received?

It's Father's Day

I got my dad a pumpkin plant. I figure, he plants lots of weird things, why not try a pumpkin. And because I love pumpkin flavored things and I thought he would think it is funny. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh and I making a blackberry cobbler. I've never made a blackberry cobbler before. I'll let you know how that goes too.

Speaking of dad's, my dad in particular, the other day I went over to my parent's house and my dad had got me a new golf bag. How sweet is that?

The same day I went to my parents house, I went back to a yoga class I went to religiously last summer. I don't know if you remember, but this was the class that I loved, but the woman sometimes had us do partner poses, which I really, really did not love. So after nearly nine months of not going, I go, and she has us do partner poses. Or at least the other people did. I high-tailed it out of there.

I went for my first bike ride of the year yesterday and my ass hurts today.

I am most certainly turning a golden brown. I attended the Jazz Fest yesterday and it was hot and sunny. And fun. And I am the perfect shade to show for it.

I have one last thought for you, and it comes courtesy of a Snapple cap:

"A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon."

Interesting, n'est pas?

Enjoy your Sunday's with your dads y'all.

In Eight Weeks...

I lost

• 4 lbs.
  
• 4.6% body fat
  
• 9 inches

He-yeah!

I did gain a half an inch in each of my arms, but I was told to think of it as gaining strength.

Seriously, check out how freakishly big my tricep looks while Laura and I try to shut this shark's mouth:

Bad News

I just heard on the news that farmers in Mexico are burning their blue agave fields so they can grow corn to meet the US's growing demand for ethanol. You all know what blue agave makes right? Tequila. So all you margarita lovers might want to stock up with a few extra bottles while you can so you can enjoy your favorite drinks when you want them.

My Parking Lot is Weird

Last night, there was a car in my parking lot. It was a white Thunderbird, but an older Thunderbird, from like, 1980's. All of a sudden it starts blaring, "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," but not the classic rendition by (I believe) The Righteous Brothers, but the cheesy 80's version by Hall and Oats. And this guy in the white Thunderbird had his door open and his leg propped up against it and all of a sudden starts singing along with it; really jamming out. I watched, first from inside my apartment, but then I needed to get closer, I needed to see this guy stuck in 1980's. He had frosted blond highlights.

You know how there was the movie, ET and then there was the cheaper, not as good alien movie, Mac and Me around the same time? I thought I was watching the Mac and Me version of Top Gun or something.

In other news, my tagline for the company I work for, "Bring Down the Curtain," was trademarked. I don't know if it is actually that important to be the author of a trademarked phrase, but it feels kind of exciting. Can I list it on my resume? How do I do that?

I Forget

Last week I told you how I forgot to set up my coffee. Well that was just the first in a line of forgetfulness. One day I forgot to set my coffee again, but I noticed in enough time to let it brew. One day I forgot to bring my bottle of water, which was really awful because I like to drink water and a lot of it, and our office is next to a waste management plant and I don't really like to drink the water there. It, for obvious reasons, tastes funny. I've also forgotten miscellaneous office things, which are too boring to list, so I've been leaving myself post-it notes everywhere and writing on my hand. Currently, my hand says "Rent" which is reminding me to pay it today. My kitchen has a note that says "Call Ashley and go to library." And my desk has a note telling me to print something, which reminded me that I needed to print something, so did that post-it note fail?

I saw "Knocked Up." It was hilarious, I highly recommend it. Tonight I am going to see a movie called "Waitress." Last Friday I saw the third "Pirates" movie. Three movies in one week; I'm getting a little movie crazy. Speaking of movies, I did not realize that the next Harry Potter movie is coming out this summer (July 11 to be exact). I didn't think it was coming out until the fall. July is definitely going to be Harry Potter month. I can't wait.

My mom has to get knee replacement surgery. Apparently she will not be getting a baboon's knee which I thought would've been cool, but some sort of porceline or something. And then pretty much right after my mom is healed, my dad has to get a hip replacement (maybe he'll get a baboon's hip). All of these replacements are due to arthritis. It appears to me that getting old sucks. I am going to enjoy being young for as long as I can. And you all should too.


Have a good, young weekend

Something for the Holiday

I completely remember taking off my glasses last night before I went to sleep. I remember because it was dark when I took them off and when I put them on my nightstand, they were half on a book and half on an actual nightstand. However, in the middle of the night, I woke up with my glasses on. This isn't the first time this has happened. It makes me wonder what I do in my sleep.

I also forgot to set up my coffee last night, which I hardly ever do. And by the time I went to get my cup, it was too late to make some. And the coffee I stopped and got left a weird taste in my mouth. I just hope this isn't a foreshadowing of the weekend to come.

Some of you know the little in and out mart down the street that I often go to. I like it. They have a nice selection of beer, they sell my current favorite drink, Cran-Razz Xyience, and they are pretty nice. It's kind of ghetto…ok, so it's really ghetto, but it doesn't bother me. Although maybe it should; I swear the other night I saw two super trashy girls buy crack pipes. It was bizarre. And it took forever, and all I wanted to do was buy a green tea.

I think I am going to go see the movie, Knocked Up at a special preview screening next week. A friend of mine got passes and asked if I wanted one. Hopefully it all works out because I really want to see that movie and to see it free would be even better.

A few other announcements:

I polled two thirds of my audience here and they loved the Lost season finale. I agree with them and I think I speak for all of us when I say we are sad we have to wait so long to see more.

Everyone congratulate Norman because she cut the ties and let her dissertation fly free into Ohio Link.

Also, have a wonderful holiday weekend ya'll. Enjoy the nice weather if you've got it.

Delish Dish

Ok, everyone, go and get an eggplant, two tomatoes, one cup of feta cheese and 4 tbsp of plain yogurt (it can even be low fat if you like). Go ahead, I'll wait while you do this.









Ok, now that you've got all of these things, take the eggplant, slice it, sprinkle olive oil over the slices and sprinkle with salt. And then wait 30 minutes. And you might as well pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees.



Now that you have waited 30 minutes, rinse off the eggplant and then put it in a shallow baking dish that has been coated with cooking spray. Then take your two tomatoes and slice and lay over the eggplant. Then take your cup of feta cheese and sprinkle over the eggplant and tomatoes. Then take your 4 tbsp of plain yogurt and spread on top, over the eggplant, tomatoes and feta, and salt and pepper to taste. Then pop it in the oven to cook for 30 minutes or until yogurt is bubbly and brown.

Do all of this and, trust me, your mouth will thank you. It is delicious. And low calorie too. It makes four servings and each serving is only 95 calories. I made it for the first time last night and almost died it was so good. I am going to make it again this weekend. And right now is a good time to make it: eggplant is in season.

Oh and Happy Last Lost Day Until 2008 Ya'll!

And That's What We Call Stealing the Spotlight

My brother was telling me about the program Jack's school put on. Jack's class sang a song. And Jack sang louder than everyone else, was ahead of everyone else in the song and swayed back and forth while the others stood still.

I still laugh just thinking about it.

If They Mated....

If I had a baby with the awesome Paul Rudd, this is what it would look like:

It's weird that my baby has sprouted a weird patch of hair from it's forehead. Maybe it's one of those placenta babies Norman told me about.

Ten Foods

There are 10 foods that hard to digest for various reasons to numerous to list here according to the food person on MSN.

Chicken Nuggets – Of course chicken nuggets are my favorite food on the menu at McDonalds.

Spicy Foods – Of course I love spicy foods. And the real spicy food, none of the Midwestern bullshit people think is spicy. I am talking about real flavor.

Chocolate Brownies – This just makes me think of the delicious Butterfinger Brownie my local Borders serves. I love it.

Citrus Juices – Finally, one I am safe from. Except when I drink margaritas with my spicy food.

Mashed Potatoes – I have pretty much given up eating potatoes for caloric reasons (of course, I do eat them from time to time). But mashed potatoes are good.

Raw Onion – AWESOME. I only like my onions cooked really soft!

Ice Cream – My goodness, this list is awful un-American. What next, apple pie?

Apple Pie – HA! Just kidding.

Raw Broccoli – I don't mind broccoli, it's not my favorite. I do like cooked with a little butter and lemon juice.

Beans – Another one that I feel pretty good about because I am not a big bean person. Unless they are smothered in something. Or refried. To go with my spicy foods and citrus juice based margaritas.

I thought for sure bagels were going to be on the list because bagels are notoriously hard to digest. I probably still have some of the bagel I ate in March in my stomach.

In other, non-food related news, one of my best friends from college and former roommate, Patti, had her baby. Ripley weighed 8 lbs, 8 oz. It still blows my mind that my friends are mothers and fathers.

Sunday Musings

Every time I hear a car alarm go off, I hope the car is being broken into. I cannot think of a more annoying invention.

I got an aloe plant yesterday so now I will be able to heal myself like Claire on Heroes.

"Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore? Quite possibly the third worst movie ever made. Number one: Marie Antoinette. Number two: Crazy/Beautiful. Interesting that those both star snaggle-toothed Kirsten Dunst. (I hate Kirsten Dunst)

It's a nice day out. Sunny. A little chillier than warm. I should probably ride my bike or go to the driving range, but I just want to read and eat chips and salsa. So that's what I am going to do.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, ya'll.

Eating Out

Friday, A and I watched 20/20. I wanted to watch it because the DC Madam was supposed to spill all her secrets. Well, she either has not secrets or wasn't really spilling because it wasn't as exciting as they made it out to be. But we did see a story about why you shouldn't eat out on a Monday. It's because they recycle leftovers from the weekend and this can be really problematic when it comes to fish. Oh, and they put new wait staff out on their own on Monday's, so you might not get as good of service.

So A and I went out to dinner last night and we laughed because we had just watched that 20/20. And sure enough, there was a fish entrée on special (and although normally it might have sounded good, I just couldn't order it last night.

But the waiter was HOT. His name was Pete. I think he was Australian. He wasn't so bad a waiter. He did wrap my dinner before A was even done with hers. I say he has what it takes and after a few weeks of practice, he'll be working on a Tuesday with no problem. And besides, he was hot and had a hot accent; that's all he really needs to make it.

And Jan, It's Not Me, It's You

This morning I tried a Taco Bell breakfast burrito. I got the sausage one and it was ok. I look forward to trying the guacamole breakfast burrito next time, whenever that may be. Then I stopped and got a Cran-Razz Xyience. Those really are so addictive. I think I am glad you can't buy them by the case because I would drink them constantly and go broke. It's better I only get a couple a week.

I was working and I picked up my arm and there was red ink near my wrist. I have absolutely no idea how it got there. I guess I brushed up against a red pen, but I look at the red pen on my desk and I look at my wrist and I can't figure out how they could make contact. But this sort of thing happens to me all the time. I have ink all over my hands and arms. Sometimes I find ink on my clothes. People must think I work for a newspaper, in the bowels of the building where they actually print the paper.

I can't believe I just wrote bowels as a term for basement. And actually, even though I have a degree in journalism, I am not sure if newspapers are printed in the basement. That's how I picture it though. I suppose some do.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Spring Fever

I love it when the weather is nice.

I spent much of Saturday outside reading. I broke out my lounge chair in a bag so I could get really comfortable. It was awesome. My goal this summer is to just spend more time outside, so hopefully I am off to a good start.

Before I could read outside however, I needed to get some books, so I went to the library downtown and had to parallel park, which I did perfectly because Norman taught me how when she was here a couple of weeks ago. Almost 14 years of driving and my eyes have been opened. I am going to start driving around just looking for places to parallel park.

I got some new pants; some khakis that actually fit.

Yesterday I got sun burnt sitting outside talking with my family. It's up towards the top of my arms and there is a perfect line from where my shirt sleeve was. And there is a stripe of burn on my leg. My face looks nicely colored. That's because I use moisturizer with SPF in it.

Another Monday.

Colons Just Seemed So Today

One piece of advice for you all: don't eat the Kashi Peanut Butter Granola Bars. They have 4g of fiber and 5g of protein and I think that is all I can taste.

I read something very disturbing on the Internet this morning. I read that Alec Baldwin wants to leave "30 Rock" so he can devote more time to his custody battle and that he doesn't want the show to be affected by his negative reputation. This is what I wanted to do out loud when I read it:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I didn't think any differently of AB when I read about his voicemail tirade to his daughter. He was probably frustrated and lost his temper. He's a parent; they lose their tempers. My parents used to get mad and yell pretty comparable things to what AB told his daughter. Do they feel bad when it's done? Yes, but whatever. The only difference between my parents and AB is that they didn't have their comments on tape and released to the public.

I don't want this to take away my favorite show. Apparently he's got a contract for next year and they won't release him, but I want more than just next year. I want years and years of Alec Baldwin and "30 Rock."

I am going to make a t-shirt that says:

I Support Alec Baldwin
(which is really supporting "30 Rock", but I still like Alec Baldwin)

And You Don't Think Politics and Chinese Food Could Mix

David Moyer's said Monday in an interview with Terri Gross on Fresh Air that, "…skepticism was suspended in that time of trauma." He was speaking of how the media was more trusting of our government following 9/11 and into the beginning of the war. I just thought that was an interesting way to put it. I never suspended my skepticism of our government. I probably never will. Not even when the complete idiot leading our country now is replaced with someone I might like. I think our government, no matter who's in charge, is dangerous.

Ok, that's enough about politics, I just thought the quote was interesting.

Today at the gym, I am going to do one of those routines…I can't think of the name but it is when you go slow for a few minutes, the medium, then fast, then medium, then slow, then fast. It makes you burn a lot of calories in a short amount of time, and you burn a lot more calories even after you are done. So I am going to give it a try. I like not having to be at the gym so much. Laura told me over the weekend that she actually likes working out. I may like the benefits and I may feel good after, but I never really like doing it.

Do you believe those rumors about Chinese food actually being made with cat? I don't think I do, but I like Chinese food and hate cats, so I don't really care. In fact, now I am totally in the mood for Chinese food.

Happy Lost Day Y'All.

36 Hours

What a crazy couple of days. Norman came back to Ohio for a whopping 36 hours. But it was an important 36 hours; you can now call her Dr. Norman. And if you have any questions about post 9/11 theory or trauma rhetoric, you should ask her. She can give you answers. Just don't ask her about risk management theory, because that's just a dumb question. Or about the show " Jericho," because she doesn't like that show as much as "Lost," Heroes," and "24."

It was weird to go back to BG because I saw a lot of people I knew, and a lot of pregnant women. I was afraid to get too close, I didn't want to catch it. And I drank bottled water in case it was catching through the water.

And then I sent Norman home this morning around 5. I thought, the earlier the better. No, actually the early part was all Norman's idea, and she may have regretted it a little when she woke up a little hung over and with only like, 2 hours of sleep. But she'll get home and hit the hay early tonight I am sure. And I think I might too, even though I got a little more sleep than she did.

I think I am going to start saying "hit the hay" more often. Much like I have been using some form of f*ck. I realized yesterday that I describe things as "f*cking" a lot. When did it become my favorite adjective? I mean, I swear, but it just seemed like that has been my favorite word lately.

Ok, so I am going to relax a little for the next day and a half or so and then it is round two of friends coming. Laura will be here for…well…probably only about 36 hours too.

My Day Thus Far

It's a good thing I don't really see many people during the day because I noticed I was wearing a dirty shirt.

I am feeling better (knock on wood). The cough is almost gone. My nose is still stuffy and alternately runny, but I would rather have that than a cough and a sore throat.

I got the most awesome pair of tennis shoes last night. They are gray and pink. I tried to find a picture of them, but I couldn't. Anyhoo, if the two of you who regularly read this want to know what they look like, I can show you both next week. That's awesome.

I am going to go wash my sink. It's dirty.

Psychology and Nutrition

Here's what I'm think: how can you actually diagnose a child with Tourette's Syndrome? I mean, all kids say weird, inapproriate stuff all the time. They look at people weird and make weird noises and don't really know how to control themselves. It seems to me as though they all have Tourette's Syndrome.

I bought a king size bag of M&M's today and I am 98% sure that you are really only getting about three more M&M's than a regular bag. What the frick, man? I am now officially peeved enough that I may never buy another bag of M&M's, neither regular or king sized, again. Now will some one be kind enough to remind me of that when I want M&M's again.

Currently obsessed with poached eggs. Love them.

And I tried cabbage rolls for the first time on Easter and I gotta say: loved them.

Now, I am off to see if my heat is turned up because I am hot.

Good day.

I said, good day.

Random Memory Day

When I was in college, I tripped out on some acid on the 4th of July. After the fireworks, my friend Ryan and I were still hanging out outside and this girl came up. I totally forget her name, but she lived up the street and was a little younger than the rest of us and had been sleeping with our friend Mark and she was trouble with a capital T. While she was sleeping with Mark, she was also sleeping with her ex-boyfriend, Clint (I don't know why I remember his name) and about a month before the 4 th of July, she told them both she was pregnant and wanted money for an abortion.

Anyhoo, she came up and she was wasted and mad at Clint, whom she had gotten back together with (and I think she might've been still pregnant…but later we all wondered if that was true at all). She saw her ex-boyfriend walking up the street and she ran into the house. Clint came up and he was wasted too and he looked sad and he asked if we could tell her that he was outside and he wanted to talk to her. Ryan went in to find the girl and I stayed outside with Clint and all of a sudden, Clint bursts into tears and starts telling me how much he loved her and how he just wanted to be with her and how he would forgive her for anything. And then the girl comes out and she starts yelling at him that she hates him and to leave her alone and he yells back that he loves her. Eventually he walks away and she runs after him and they go home.

And I can't even imagine what Ryan and I looked like, but I am sure our eyes were almost completely bugged out and our jaws were probably on the floor, because remember, we were TRIPPING OUT ON ACID.

The girl would eventually move away, but I would see Clint again and he would always be soooo nice to me. I feel kind of bad in hind-site, because there he was crying and pouring his heart out to me and I was totally tripping out. I told that story to Mark several years later. He of course, hated Clint for obvious reasons. But he would say, "Well, at least he was nice to you."

I don't know why I thought of that today.

Bleh

For the past few weeks I have been spelling female, femail. I usually notice and fix it, but I can't stop doing it.

I drank too much last night. I drank too much and then didn't drink any water or eat a snack or anything that I would usually do to make a work day more workable. And I am paying for it today. I wouldn't say it's a horrendous hangover, just a dull ache. And I had to go to the gym today to get my health assessment for the "Slim Down for Summer" program. Ironically enough, the person doing my health assessment is the friend I went out with last night.

Right now I am doing laundry and waiting for an appropriate time to go to bed. I mean, if I went now, I would wake up in the middle of the night, but I do need to go to bed early. And I have a new book to read...I can't wait to go to bed.

Drinking on a weekday makes me feel old.

The Departed

Before I get to the main point of this blog (see title), I have to ask a question. What is up with Sanjaya? So, I don't watch American Idol, but I watch a lot of other tv, so I know who Sanjaya is and what I don't know, is that if people hate him so much, why is he there? His hair scares me.

Ok so back to The Departed. It rocked and I thought I would bullet point why I liked it.

• Mark Wahlberg rocks. He is really funny. And he's a bad ass. And I am pretty sure he knows it.
  
  
• Alec Baldwin. Enough said.
  
  
• I kept saying, "Poor Leo," because Leonardo DiCaprio really gets fucked in this movie. But he's tough and deals and while I have always like Leonardo DiCaprio, I really, really liked him in this.
  
  
• Jack Nicholson looked super old.
  
  
• Did I mention Alec Baldwin?
  
  Today was also my nephew Logan's 8th birthday party. I made him his vanilla on vanilla cake and put Star Wars action figures on it. And I got him Happy Feet. He loved them both. And it was the most heartwarming moment. I love him and his brother. They are the best kids and I hope the kids I might have are half as awesome as them.
  
  It gave me a good layer of love to watch The Departed with.
  
  Alec Baldwin.

And a Belly Full of Pasta

When you guys were just starting out in elementary school, were you graded on handwriting? I was and I got C's. And I was told I held my pen/pencil wrong. Looking back it seems like such a silly ability to grade, because I went on to have nice handwriting. In fact, I have actually been complimented on it. It also seems silly because I don't really judge people on they're writing. I mean, sometimes I have come across people whose writing I can't read, but I just think, "Jeesh, I wish I could read what they were writing."

I wonder if they even grade handwriting anymore. Especially since people use computers and such for everything. I hand-write very little…a check here and there, a card once in a while, a grocery list. If they do still grade handwriting, and if I have a child and he/she brings home a C in handwriting, or even an A for that matter, I am going to tell them it doesn't really matter, it doesn't form their personality and that every other skill is more important. And then I am going to tell them to tell their teacher I said that. And then I will tell the teacher myself at a parent-teacher conference.

I have a new crush at the gym and if you guys saw him, you would be really surprised because he's pretty clean-cut and HUGE. My god, he's got some big guns. He's probably like, 21 and a complete asshole, but he sure is pretty to look at when he runs on the treadmill.

One last thing – I can't even tell you how excited I am to see Blades of Glory. I don't really like Napolean Dynamite, but the one-two punch of Will Ferrell AND Gob from Arrested Development is enough to make me laugh without even seeing it. But I will see it.

Spring Fever

I had a green teani this weekend that was very delicious. It tasted just like green tea. And it was a perfect compliment to my sushi dinner.

I bought some new shirts this weekend. It was kind of weird to try on clothes since I've lost about 16 pounds. I try things on thinking they won't really fit or might not look right, but they do. And then I tried on a pair of old pants last night, a pair of pants that two and half years ago did not fit at all, that a year and a half ago, I could wear, but would have to wear them with a loose shirt to cover how tight they were, but last night, they were a little loose. Anyhoo, I guess the point of this little paragraph is that if you're looking for an esteem booster, lose some weight and go clothes shopping.

It's supposed to be close to 80 degrees today. I started my morning with my freshly ground Costa Rican coffee and it was delicious. Thanks for the grinder Norman, it's awesome. I will never be able to drink pre-ground coffee again.

And I met a sexy, sexy man today; the photographer taking pictures of our showers. I like to picture him in a shower.

Movie Recommendation

I know I give a lot of recommendations here, but I think you all should see "Gates of Heaven." It is a documentary made in 1980 about pet cemetaries. It is hard to explain; maybe bizarre is a good word. But bizarre in an awesome way.

It's a really moving film. It was sad to hear stories about people and their pets and how much they miss them, but it was also sweet to see them honor them.

It's also really funny...unintentionally funny. But it never mocked these people. It's just funny, what some people say. Like to guy who names "the pill" as the main contribution to the rise in pet ownership. Apparently, even though women work and don't have children, they still need to come home and fondle something.

It sounds like a weird movie, and it is. But it is SO worth it.

Do Not Tag Along with Tag-Along Ice Cream

You guys know about those peanut butter girl scout cookies? The ones that are peanut butter covered in chocolate? The ones apparently called Tag-Alongs? Well, the lovely people with the Girl Scouts and the lovely people at Edy's Ice Cream got together to make Tag-Along Ice Cream. If you ever see it, I beg you to run the other way. Do not look that evil carton in the eye.

I made that mistake.

I bought some and I couldn't stop. Well, ok I did. I had enough brains to stop myself around a third of the way in. And when I told myself to stop, I told myself to throw it away immediately.

So now I have a around 2/3 a carton of ice cream melting into my garbage. But I am ok with it. Even with all the starving people everywhere. Let Brangelina help them.

OH weird

It is only 35 degrees outside right now. 24 hours ago it was 70 degrees. Weather is so weird. There was snow on the ground this morning…not much, but enough to piss me off after nearly a week of experiencing nice weather.

So, I like to reflect over things…sometimes, I reflect over what happened a week ago. Yesterday I was reflecting over OKC a little more and I remembered a moment when Norman and I were driving and we saw a homeless guy. A really cute homeless guy and because she knows I like dirty, smelly guys, she mentioned that he probably did smell bad. And at first I said, probably too smelly for me. But then I thought about how much stank I could withstand and thought that maybe the homeless guy wouldn't be too smelly for me. And this made Norman LAUGH.

But Norman, I've thought about it more…and I was reminded of a student I had, who was not homeless, but smelled REALLY bad, and if the hot homeless guy smelled like the student, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Tata for now.

Back in OH

Well, I am back home, back at work, back at boring again.

I had a really good time in OKC, OK. Actually, it was Norman, OK, just outside of OKC, OK. I stayed well-hydrated with Sonic drinks. I slept REALLY good. I had a nice summer day and a nice spring day with thunder and lightning storms. It was also educational. I learned that James Garner and Mickey Mantle are from OK. And that contemporary dance can be boring, strange and cool, sometimes all at the same time. And I learned that I might be getting to airports a tad too early.

It was good to see Norman and Kayz. We laughed a lot. And I will get to see Norman again in about a month. And I am getting ready to write cover letters to jobs in OK, so maybe we'll see each other always soon.

Today it is supposed to be 70 degrees, so it's almost like I didn't really leave OKC, OK weather-wise.

Sad Day

Someone near and dear to our academic hearts died yesterday in Paris.

RIP Jean Baudrillard

He introduced me to what was hyperreal. But his death just seems real.

Several Things...

First of all, I saw Katie Holmes' mom at the mall. I think that I may now officially be six degrees from Kevin Bacon.

I was sick today, not so sick, but I decided not to go to work so I could get lots of rest and hopefully better before my trip OKC, OK. And I do feel better. Knock on wood, it lasts and only gets better.

Lastly, I got an email from a friend from college and it contained a link to her wedding pictures. She looked beautiful and it looked like a lot of fun, but what struck me was that this was at one time, one of my best friends, someone I have still managed to keep in regular touch with in the past six years, and she got married surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. It was weird, it was almost like looking at a stranger's wedding pictures.

Being sick, but not being too sick, has made me eat a lot today and I actually feel kind of sick. I am going to continue to lie still.

Choose or Spank

I have not made any decisions about who I am voting for in the 2008 presidential election. I mean, it's only early 2007 and a lot can happen in the next 20 months. I mean, I am still holding out a little bit of hope for Bill Richardson from New Mexico. Let the little guy rise to the ranks!

Ok, so obviously, I have thought a little bit about it. And I do have opinions, but I have no idea who I will vote for.

This morning, NPR interviewed Barack Obama and they were talking about someone who defeated him in previous race and Barack said, "He didn't defeat me, he spanked me." And you want to know what? I like that Barack said "spank."

But I hardly think that's a reason to vote for him.

Unless he says "spank" a lot more in the next 20 months.

Have A Weekend as Good as Mine Might Be

I have big, big plans for the weekend. Well, I guess not big, big, but I am looking forward to them. Like tomorrow night I am going to this fundraiser for a friend from work's boyfriend's softball team. It might sound silly or whatever, but I paid $35 and I can drink and eat all night long. Or from the hours of 6 to 12, which is when the fundraiser is. That's cheaper than dinner and drinks.

I also finally get the chance to see the film adaptation of Little Children. I really, really hope it is good. I loved the book so much I would be really disappointed if the movie sucked, but I have not read or heard a bad review so I think it might be ok and that I shouldn't worry.

On Sunday I am finally getting my Christmas massage. I am really excited about that because I love massages. Also on Sunday is my version of the Super Bowl, the Oscars. I don't think it will be as interesting because I think I know who is going to win and there won't be any surprises. But I would like to see the grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine win best supporting actor over Eddie Murphy. Not that Eddie Murphy wasn't good in Dreamgirls, but I like the grandpa better. AND, as Laura I learned a few weeks ago, the grandpa wrote "The Banana Boat" song. Anyhoo, I think the Oscars will be fun to watch because Ellen Degeneres is hosting and I like her. And as I told Laura the other night, I trust her, whereas I don't trust Juliette from Lost and Laura doesn't know who to trust.

I hope my weekend meets or even exceeds my expectations. And I hope all of your's does to.

I Hate The Kid at Best Buy (But Love 2 Week Winters)

Just yesterday I was thinking that while it was not awesome at the time, in hindsight, it was awesome that I literally only experienced two weeks of hardcore winter. Scientists weren't exaggerating about how global warming was making winter shorter. Anyhoo, I definitely think I spoke too soon because we are supposed to have snow next Monday. As of now I don't think it is supposed to be anything major, but if I've learned anything from these hard two weeks of winter, it is that weather can change in a second.

Last night I had to go to Best Buy to get a new charger for my iPod and the kid who was helping me made some lame joke about me wanting to strangle my kids. I'll tell you what kid I did want to strangle…THAT KID! Excuse me, but do I look like somebody's mother? Do I look like two somebody's mother? Do I have a mom haircut? I definitely wasn't wearing mom jeans. Why would buying an iPod charger make me somebody's mother? Thinking about it now is depressing. I am not even 30. Uh, I am never going to Best Buy again. And I am going to wish that kid ill will.

Weekends

My beautiful graduation watch is dead and not even a battery will bring it back to life. Oh, I can have it fixed...for $70, but I think it would probably cost just as much to get a new watch. RIP watch.

I had some fun with my boys this weekend. Jack is so tough, but has the cutest little face and voice. And Logan is way too smart for his own good. Well, I guess they both are really. I spent almost five dollars on two miniature bottles of grape and orange Crush that was actually filled with grape and orange Crush flavored jelly beans. It's a good thing I am just an aunt and only see them every couple of weeks or so. I would go broke keeping them in the lifestyle of which they have become accustomed to.

I saw a pretty good movie on Friday. It's called Half Nelson and it's about a junior high history teacher, who's a really good teacher, but does cocaine and smokes crack at night. The story really begins when one of his students catches him high in the bathroom. Sounds weird, but I thought about it for a long time after it was done. The guy who plays the teacher is really good, but the young girl is really, really good. Check it out one day if you get the chance.

I am excited to hear that the weather is going to get warmer, but that means there won't be snow days and I won't be able to use the cold weather as an excuse to be lazy.

Death Becomes Denny

I did some flipping last night. I flipped between Scrubs and 30 Rock and Grey's Anatomy. Let me recap what I saw on Grey's Anatomy (because that is what I saw the least of): Yang mad at Meredith because she wasn't there; Izzie drilling holes in the guy's head (and perhaps a glimmer of admiration/attraction in McSteamy's eyes when he was listening to her over the phone); Addison wondering if anyone would miss her if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; Izzie saying she was a rock star; McDreamy emerging from the water with a very blue Meredith; Alex saying he would miss Addison if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; the attendings working to bring Meredith back from the dead and Meredith waking up and finding out she was dead.

I might go to television hell for saying this, but I was kind of glad that 30 Rock ends a few minutes before Grey's Anatomy because I liked being surprised by the exploded guy and Denny Duquette in heaven. And is it just me, or does Denny look really good dead? I mean, I always thought he was hot, but there was something in the 20 seconds he was onscreen last night that made me mad they killed him off.

I think that I am going to have to watch it again tonight. Sounds like a lame way to start the weekend, and it probably is, but it's cold and I am getting up early tomorrow to go to the gym, so there.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

You Can't Say I Am Not Determined

The weather is pretty bad. It's cold and snowing and the wind is blowing, causing big drifts. It is so bad that we were actually sent home from work. And you want to know what I did when I got off? I went to the gym! I thought, what the heck, I'll do it now before the roads get really, really bad.

So now I am home and I think there is a 50 percent chance I won't see my car tomorrow. There is so much snow coming down and blowing about, I think it will be completely covered. I figure in the mean time, I'll just do some laundry and drink some wine.

Yay for snow days. They rock even more when you're 29.

UPDATE: There is a blizzard warning. The last time there was a blizzard warning was 1978. We are under a level 2 alert, which means, don't go out if you don't have to. Wow, the weather is baaaad. Laura's got ice; so pretty much, Ohio sucks right now. BGSU actually closed for the first time in four years.
I can barely see Reynolds Road. It's crazy.







UPDATE 2:














This is out my front door.





This is out my back door. Usually you can see the Toys R Us sign.

Wow.

I Love 30 Rock...Do You?

Last night was another four-star episode of 30 Rock. People, really, you need to give it a shot. Quit saying things like, “Oh it sounds funny.” Or, “It’s awesome that you like it.” WATCH IT.

I listen to a lot of NPR. I learn a lot from NPR. I learn about history. I learn about books (one of my favorite books from last year, Triangle, I heard about on NPR). I learn about music ( I was able to download a live Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins show from their website) and I learn about movies (especially documentaries…just this morning I added a film to my Netflix list. It’s called Gates of Heaven and it is a documentary about pet cemeteries). I also learn a little about television.

Now before I give my parenthetical example of the television show I learned about on NPR, let me tell you that I have never liked Sarah Silverman. She always plays the same characters in movies…a serious bitch. I’ve seen her in some other comedy shows and she was always too in-your-face for me. But I heard a story on NPR about her and her new show on Comedy Central. And it sounded so different. So I checked it out last night and well…it was pretty funny. Not funny enough that I am going to plead with you to watch it like 30 Rock (see above AGAIN), but funny enough to say it was funny enough.

And before I check out for the weekend, can I get a R.I.P for Anna Nicole Smith. Good lord, what a bad end to a bad year.

30 ROCK – THURSDAYS at 9:30 on NBC – Skip Grey’s until Friday night and watch 30 ROCK. God will let you into heaven if you do.

IT'S F****** COLD

I am a firm believer in returning your grocery cart to the cart coral. It's the easiest, nicest thing you can do. Unless it's 15 below zero. Then I put it wherever is closest to my car door.

It's too cold to recycle or even take my trash to the dumpster. So as you can tell, my kitchen looks disgusting.

It's so cold, schools are already posting delays and closing for tomorrow. In certain moments today, I would've given up all the sex, drugs and rock and roll I ever experienced to be a kid and stay home.

And there is nothing colder than putting on gym clothes that you have kept in your car all day. Nothing, I say.

It's cold. I am running out of sweaters.

I Think I Woke Up With Restless Leg Syndrome Last Night

Yeah, at like 1 in the morning, my legs were twitchy and I couldn't get comfortable, but then I just fell back asleep. I hope I don't have Restless Leg Syndrome because it sounds so silly. It would be kind of embarrassing to admit. The only disease more embarrassing to admit that you have is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And my apologies go out to you if you have IBS, but if I had it, I wouldn't admit it. In fact, I might have it now, but none of you will ever know.

It is getting cold here…really cold. Yesterday when the weatherman said it could possibly get to 30 below zero with the wind chill, I didn't think I heard him right. But it was confirmed this morning…30 BELOW ZERO. That is like scary cold. That is like, going outside and having limbs immediately snap off because it is so cold, cold. That is like, not really want to do anything, kind of cold, which is hard when you have to go and work and to the gym and stuff. Although I bet just standing outside for a minute would burn a lot of calories because my body would have to work so hard to stay warm.

Also, while we're all here, I would like some opinions. If you had a job, but interviewed for a new, perhaps cooler job, and they asked you why you wanted to leave your old job, what would you say? You don't want to make your last job sound as bad as it may have been. You also don't want to look like a crazy person who is going to switch jobs every few years. So what do you say?

I Thought Yes, and Then I Thought, NO NO NO

Last night I came home from the grocery store and I was in my parking lot and I had my big Columbia jacket on, and my big ugly boots that keep my feet really warm on and it was really quiet and the snow made the air look like it was glowing and I thought, this is why people like winter; even right in the middle of it, it can be really pretty.

Then I woke up and it had snowed an additional inch and I had to hurry and get ready so I could clean off my car and the news traffic guy said it was really messy on the roads and the weather guy said that we could get another inch to two inches more of snow today and I thought, this is why I hate winter; it just makes life that much harder.

I wish it was spring already.

And this might not make any sense to anyone but Norman, but I think that Nathan Petrelli is Claire's father. It looked like his hairy arm and watch holding the phone on the scene from next week.

Over and out.

Sunday

I am currently living in a winter wonderland. It's nice when I don't have to go out anywhere. Although I did make it to the gym and to the grocery store to buy some lettuce. But before you say, wow, how dedicated this woman is, you should know I also bought a bottle of wine that I am currently really enjoying.

I also made it out to a yoga class. It was really awesome to have a full length class. Yoga's nice because you can practice it on your own, but having someone to tell you what poses to do, and correcting you if you do something wrong can make for a better workout. I am proud to say that I was not necessarily corrected, but helped to go deeper, which can be quite painful. But as John Couger Mellancamp has said, "It hurts so good." It was an interesting class because I went with a girl I work with and we found out about it from the chairman of the board at work. So we were downward dogging it with our 67 year old co-worker/kind-of boss. It is nice to know that if I want to take a yoga class, I can just go up the street and pay a few bucks to do it.

I am just enjoying my Sunday. Looking forward to some weekend trips...one to Laura's in a couple of weeks, and one to Norman's in OK in about six weeks. I hope time goes by fast.

Now...back to wine and cigarettes.

Hey Y'all, It's Wednesday

I know, I know, I have not written in a while. I apologize. Winter makes me lazier than usual. Most of my time is spent staying warm and I am sure stories of me huddling under a blanket for hours at a time would be really exciting for you.

I have been going to my new gym. I am not an official member yet. I have been taking advantage of my trial pass. But I will be an official member on Thursday…hurrah! I have even found a guy to subtly stare at longingly. He goes in around the same time I do. He has a little bald spot.

I also think I may have found a cheap yoga studio. I am going to go and try out a class on Sunday.

You know what I just realized? That it costs a lot of money to lose weight. It seems as though it would cost more money to gain weight, but there is the cost to join a gym or buy exercise equipment, healthier food costs more, if someone has never worked out, they have to buy workout clothes and then they have to buy clothes when they start losing weight. I think I went into the wrong business.

One last tidbit to tide you all over: I went and saw Dreamgirls. It was good. And I bet that girl from American Idol is glad she lost. She is either proof that American Idol was a good idea for a television show because it gets anyone good exposure or it really sucks because people don't need to win it get an Oscar nomination.

And FYI, Jim from The Office had a tiny part in it. He has had a tiny part in a lot of movies I have seen recently. He had a tiny part in For Your Consideration. Then he had a tiny part in The Holiday. When is he going to have a BIG part in a movie? Because I like Jim. He's sexy in Dreamgirls too, because he is kind of dirty and scruffy…just they way I like 'em.

Friday Eve

I know that it is only January and that we've really only had about five days of cold weather, but I am ready for winter to be over. And I am sure all of those who are covered in ice would agree.

Here's an update on the new gym situation: while I am still in the middle of my trial membership, I am pretty sure I am going to join. It's so nice and quiet. And there are some hot guys to look at. And, the other day, I got on a machine that had a television and I was able to watch Ellen. It was awesome.

Hey, did you guys know it was Girl Scout Cookie time? I am dying to get some. I like the chocolate peanut butter ones best. Now I just have to find a Girl Scout and get some. They don't really go door to door anymore. This is definitely the one time of year that I kind of wish Jack or Logan was a girl. Girl Scout cookies are so much better than Boy Scout popcorn.

Good Funny Weekend Stuff

I've always thought that Jake Gyllenhaal was kind of cute, but the clip below proves that he is also very, very funny.

Go, Jake Go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmG2gBAcN-8&eurl

I Want to Get Wireless to Let Down My Firewall on Purpose...ok, Not Really, but...

I had a moment this morning; I started listening to a story on NPR on my way to work and I had to stay in my car and listen to the end before I went inside. And I am so glad I did. It stayed with me all day. I felt so bad for David...and Anna ended up sounding like a total bitch.

I am including the link to the story. Give it a listen and tell me what you think. Would you have responded to David's email?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6809099

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I Am Thinking of Making a Big Change in My Life

As many of you know, I go to Lifestyles, an all women's gym. I started going there in grad school because it had an awesome deal for students. It's also one of those gyms that once you sign in, you get sucked in because it gets cheaper and cheaper.

But cheaper doesn't mean better.

I am starting to hate Lifestyles. The one close to my house moved and now I have to drive at least 15 minutes to get to the two closest to my house. Second, it's always packed. At one Saturday morning class, I counted 46 people. Third, the people who work there aren't really that nice; and I mean both the people who work the counter and the people who teach the class. And once, I saw an instructor take a break in class to put a new piece of gum in her mouth. That's disgusting…no one wants to hear gum chewing through a microphone. Fourth, the hours suck. It's only open a few hours during the weekend, and it closes early on Friday. I personally wouldn't mind going to the gym on a Friday night. And finally, although the idea of a women's gym sounds great, you know how women can be. There are actual cliques at my gym and if you are an odd person out like me, you stand very alone.

So, a girl I work with is an instructor at another gym. It is coed, and it is considerably more expensive, but it is 3 minutes from my house. And it has a wide variety of classes, a juice bar, a spa and the machines that you can put your headphones into and watch television. The girl I work I with says that there is never more than 25 people in a class and that it's never so busy that you can't get on a machine. And I don't know what their hours are, but if they are open even a little more than Lifestyles, I would consider this a plus.

So, I am going to try a class at the new gym on Saturday and I can get a seven day trial pass and then, well, I might make the switch. What do you all think? Am I being crazy?

What a Day, What a Day

Hey, have any of you ever burned a hard-boiled egg? I did. I fell asleep when I was boiling some eggs and an hour and half later there was not a lot of water left in the pot. And they tasted just as you would imagine...burnt.

So, I have a mild case of the flu. I should be back to good shape by tomorrow. I actually feel much better now. I felt very bad yesterday and I went and bought a thermometer to take my temperature and now I am obsessed with taking my temperature. I've taken it a half a dozen times today...and it is always a little different. It's fascinating.

And finally, it is winter here in Ohio. It is really cold and the flakes are swirling in the air. It is winter...until Thursday...when it goes back to the upper 40's. Anyhoo, cold weather always makes me want ice cream. Perhaps I shall get some.

The Stories That Passed in Front of My Eyes Today

This was the first Sunday in a long time that I was able to kind of lay around and watch tv. I didn't have to hurry up and get ready and go somewhere in the morning. It was nice. But I ended up watching a lot of Lifetime movies.

The first one was about a divorcee who fell in love with her supervisor, who was a woman. Finding out you're a lesbian at the most inopportune time makes for really compelling television.

I took a break from Lifetime to go and jump on the Borat train. That is a really funny movie. Disgusting and so, so wrong on so many levels, but really funny, nonetheless. See it. And then tell me if you saw the fat guy's penis. Even though I saw his balls, I never saw the penis.

Then I came back, armed with a Subway turkey and bacon sandwich with extra banana peppers (my new food obsession) and watched a heartwarming Lifetime movie about a woman who autistic twins and because she never gave up on them, they became an awesome musician and a really fast cross-country runner.

Then I ended my Lifetime streak with the very powerful, She's Too Young. This was about 14 year old girls giving blow jobs and getting syphilis. It reminded me of my own high school experience...just kidding. But seriously, if I ever have kids, I am going to make sure they are the biggest dorks. No one wants to suck a dork's dick or have a dork suck their dick. Pretty much dork and dick don't really belong in the same sentence except for fun adult alliteration.

And that was my Sunday. Now I am just hanging out waiting to go to bed.

Where My Head Has Been

It seems like it has been a long time since I have written here, but it hasn't really. There is something strange about the recovery after a holiday. It feels like I am recovering from a major event or something. And then I never really seem recovered until halfway through January because I have my dad's birthday and now Liam's birthday and then it always seems as though a friend is getting married or having a baby. So I go from buying gifts for Christmas to buying gifts right away for random things.

But the good thing is that I got a raise so I can afford all of these extra things I have to buy.

I got my haircut and I really like it. I actually went out and bought a straightener so my hair can look like how it did when I left the salon. It is the first time in long time that I have an actual hair style. The woman who cut my hair was very enthusiastic about the cut and said that when my hair grows out long (which I am trying to do), it will be beautiful. I really liked her. I would've only just liked her, but she asked me if I was just out of high school, so now I really like her.

I had a really fun New Year. Pretty low key, but lots of laughing and drinking and drinking. I had like, three shots that night. But I don't think they really count because they were fruity, girly shots and I like tough, manly shots. However, after I did the first two, back to back, I was a little more lightheaded than I had been. So maybe girly shots are just as good as manly shots.

I don't know…I might have to test that theory further at a later date.

Ahh, a new year already

On the eve of the eve of New Years Eve, I think not about the past year, but about the year ahead. I don't really make resolutions, because as most of us know, they fail. Besides, if I really want to do something, I do it. I don't f*** around, ya know? But I do have secret hopes and wishes for the new year, which I am not sharing because they are SECRET hopes and wishes.

I'll be interested to see what my life will be like a year from now; if there will be anything majorly different or anything. This year is very, very similar to last year. But the year before last, I was still in grad school. So what I am trying to say now, is who knows.

So I am taking down my Christmas tree today. It is always so sad, I mean, I have all this great stuff and I only get to see it for one month out of the year. But a whiskey and tonic and some Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins is making it a little easier to bear.

Anyhoo, I wish you all the happiest of New Years. And I can't wait to see you all in 2007.

Holiday Photo Essay

A few pictures of cookie making.

My Christmas tree.

Logan cutting out cookies

Jack giving his cookie a matching smile

Master cookie makers.

Logan meticulously dropping one sprinkle on his cookie.

My broken heart.

Jack vacuuming up the mess he made.

The finished products.

Quelle heureurs!

I found out the other day that when I was a little girl, I was a freak. Apparently I couldn't see correctly. I knew that I was farsighted and that I had to wear glasses starting when I was 6, but I also couldn't put lines together. My mom and brother couldn't remember what it was called or all the details, but they did remember that they had to build me a special desk.

A SPECIAL DESK!

This time the word, "special" does not have a positive connotation.

After a year I didn't need the farsighted glasses anymore or the desk.

Isn't it weird that I wouldn't remember that?

My friend Patti sent me a Christmas gift. One is a wine stopper and the other (which the tag on it actually said it was from Ringo) is a stuffed chihauhua wearing a pancho and a sombrero and when you press his paw, he sings "Feliz Navidad" and dances. It is hysterical. My nephews are going to freak out!

I love Alec Baldwin and I Think He Might Love Me Back

Check it out:

http://30rock.nbc.com/receiver.php?key=CB4F5C2B00F21885226E510AF60A7D84

(I just want to say that I was trying to post it without the big, long link, but blogger apparently sucks)

December Surprises

When I was in New Mexico in August, I joined a wine club and I thought I was supposed to get my first shipment in September. Well, I was wrong, I get it in December, which is this month. So I've got New Mexican wine. Finally. Yay.

Man, this weather is crazy. It is so warm. The other day I accidentally went out in my winter jacket and I got really sweaty. And of course, with warm weather predicted for the next few weeks, when I give my nephews their snowball makers for Christmas, they won't really be excited at all since there will be no snow to try them out with. But I think I would rather take the milder weather than the excited Christmas looks on my nephews faces. "Yes, I know this present kind of sucks right at this very moment, but I don't have to warm my car up in the morning. Deal with it, life just gets harder."

Speaking of nephews, Norman requested some new pictures of Liam. So here you go.

The kid definitely loves to eat.

I love, love, love this picture. I think he looks hilarious when he is mad. You just can't take him seriously.

I will have picture of the other ones making cookies soon.

Saturday with the Boys

Today was great fun. It was only slightly messy. There was only one instance of almost tears, and one instance of big fake tears. And we made a shit load of Christmas cookies. We made some Christmas trees, and stars and bells and angels and ghosts and roosters and lips and umbrellas and roosters and even a barn or two.

I even got (and this almost made me tear up), "This is one of the best days of our lives."

Oh, sometimes children are wonderful.

And on a side note, I have never seen the movie Mean Girls sober. And tonight is turning into no difference.

Yay beer and laundry.

I just made a total elf of myself

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=29fbc97a7718d3c66136369_20061206

UPDATE...

After you check that out, make sure to look through these. I am not sure which one is my favorite...they are all priceless in my eyes.

Blah, blah, and ahhh

I have a belt and it has holes going all the way around it. Sounds awesome, right? Like I can make it as small as I want? Well, after a certain point the holes aren't big enough to use. What's the point in this belt? It went from awesome to not so awesome in just a few seconds.

I am almost done with Christmas shopping. I just have to get my niece and my nephew something. Liam is so small I keep forgetting about him. I also have to get my mom a few more things (I do my dad's shopping for her). I'll be happy when the shopping is done. But then comes my least favorite part of Christmas presents…wrapping. It's boring, and I am not very good at it. But I do have some cool wrapping paper. But just the thought using it on presents makes me bored and sad. Maybe I'll have a few drinks while I do it. Maybe if I get drunk enough, they will look better.

Yesterday I felt as though I might've been coming down with something, but today I feel ok. I mean, I am not going as far as to say I feel great, because that would be jinxing something I know, but I feel ok. Well enough to go workout tonight. I have to stay healthy because this weekend me boys (Logan and Jack) are coming over to make Christmas cookies. I will mostly need to stay well to keep my strength up. For two little people, they take up a lot of energy and usually drive me to drink.

Miss Clean, Miss Clean

Wow, I just cleaned my home. It took me two hours to dust, sweep and vacuum. And clean out my microwave. And clean out my fridge (I had a lot of outdated food). And do a load of laundry. And iron. And take out lots of trash.

I'm tired.

Snow is kind of flurrying.

I still want to get my Christmas cards started and I still have to go to Borders and get some Christmas presents. Not a real hardship...going to my favorite store, but if you read two lines up...I'm tired.


I hope you all had a good weekend.

If you do not hear from Witnesssuzy after today it is because she has blown away.

It is windy out today. Really, really windy. 50 mph wind gusts windy. And raining. When I got out of my car this morning to come to work, I got really wet. But the good news is that it is turning to wet snow this afternoon. Good news, I guess. Needless to say I will be happy to get home tonight where it is warm and dry. I thought that at 4 in the morning when I was still laying in bed listening to the wind blow the rain against my window. When I first woke up, I thought it was frozen rain, it sounded so hard.

In good news, my life is complete (ok, maybe not complete, complete) but I finally found pumpkin creamer. It is so delicious. I plan on drinking a lot of coffee so I can drink a lot of creamer.

So if the wind hasn't blown me away, or if the rain hasn't drowned me, I will be drinking a pot of coffee with pumpkin creamer tonight under a blanket on my warm, warm couch.

So...

Heather Mills McCartney is have a celebrity shoe auction to benefit...well, I didn't catch what it benefitted... but if the person who wins McCartney's shoes, do they get one of her fake legs too?

Just wondering.

Something (maybe) to Keep Me Warm in the Winter

It was like a warm golden spotlight last night as I pulled into the Meijer parking lot. It was shining on a Chipotle sign. Next to the very grocery store I shop in. It's not open yet, perhaps by Christmas, or maybe the New Year.

But as I drove away from the Chipotle sign, I got worried. As much as I love the burritos and tacos, I know I hardly have any self-control. And I go to Meijer at least once a week. I just counted up the calories in burrito I would eat and it has almost 1100 calories in it. If I ate it for lunch, I would literally have to drink water for the rest of the day. I think perhaps I will have one when it first opens and then I will have to be satisfied with that memory for a while.

Oh well…

It's supposed to be 65 degrees here today, which is nice. It's supposed to snow on Friday, which is not so nice. Although I suppose it is December, so snow wouldn't be really weird. I think I may be one of the few people in the world who could care less if there is a white Christmas.

F*** the snow.

Thanksgiving Hangover

I had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Good food, obviously. The cake was a hit. The boys were funny. Liam wanted dessert so bad, he climbed up his sister's lap and onto the table. Now we know he's a member of my family.

This morning when I went to the gym, it felt as though I was working out hungover, even though I didn't drink. Food is so weird.

I hope everyone had a good time yesterday.

Thanksgiving Edition Tidbits

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a turkey last year at Thanksgiving from my company or wondered what happened to its fate. Well, its fate is to be this year's Thanksgiving turkey. It totally freed up a ton of space in my freezer, except that now it looks so empty.

This year, instead of a turkey, I got a gift card to Kroger. I think it is awesome that they give us something for Thanksgiving. I guess they are just showing how thankful they are. And I think it is awesome that it is a gift card to Kroger. I am going to buy booze and junk food…happy Thanksgiving to me.

I got out of work early and had lunch with my parents. Last year at this time it was snowy and gross and miserable. Today it is sunny and supposed to hit 50 degrees. Tomorrow it is supposed to be the same. I love unseasonably nice weather.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell everyone to have a happy Thanksgiving.

Save the Cheerleader, Save Thanksgiving

So Peter Petrelli saved the cheerleader, but did he save the world? Don't get me wrong, I like Heroes a lot. But every week they say it's the big episode not to miss and every week, it's not as big as I had hoped. I think it would be a big episode if they killed off the slutty mom with multiple personalites, because I don't like her. I like her kid and her ex-husband, but not her. And I wish Peter Petrelli (whom I have finally stopped thinking as Jess from Gilmore Girls) would quit being such a pansy. And I want Hiro to come back to present day...is that so wrong?

Ok, on to real life...

I am really excited for Thanksgiving this year. Much more so than recent years and I am not sure why. I am making a Pumpkin Butter Cake. I'll let you all know how it turns out. Maybe I am excited because I get to go to the gym on Thanksgiving. I know it is a holiday, but I would think lots of people would want to work out if they were in town that day.

I saw the movie, Marie Antoinette this weekend and it was awful. But it made me want to get out my pictures from France. Sometimes I can't believe I ever was in France. But it's been 10 years. I saw the room that Marie Antoinette gave birth in. I saw the blade from the guillotine that beheaded her. I saw many cathedrals and the Mona Lisa. I hadn't looked at these pictures in years, so it was fun to get them out.

The only other thing I have to tell you is that I am putting up my new, old Christmas tree this weekend. I will post a picture, for it is sure to be beautiful.

It's a Mad, Mad Toledo

There are two big events this weekend for the city of Toledo, OH. One being TomKat's wedding; the second being the University of Michigan/Ohio State football game.

Why, you might be asking is Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes wedding a big event for Toledo, OH? Because Katie Holmes was born and bred here. She was always a big deal. One year she was Grand Marshall of the Thanksgiving parade. Toledo obviously loves her, but since she's been with Cruise, one would think she was made of gold. All this week there has been updates on the news about the big wedding. It's in Rome. J. Lo is going to be there. Her family arrived on Thursday. TomKat went out to eat with Suri (who is actually, a really ugly baby). Forget about the war, forget about the trial of the kid who brought flammables to school, forget about Tom Noe's conviction, the real news here is Katie Holmes' first marriage.

When the news is not talking about TomKat, they are talking about the big football game. Toledo is in a weird place for this game. It is right on the Ohio/Michigan border, so the odds are the city is split. Where I work is a perfect example of this. All week these guys have been fighting over who's going to win. And they're so witty. Did you know Ohio State football players give guys blow jobs and then swallow? Me neither, but apparently they do and that's why they are going to lose the game tomorrow.

I hate football. Next to baseball, I think it is the most boring sport EVER! So I don't really care who wins. I think it would be more interesting if Ohio State players gave Michigan players blow jobs on the field instead of playing football on it.

I wonder if all the way over in Rome, Katie Holmes has picked a favorite for the game? Well, whoever her favorite is, Tom Cruise probably chose it for her.

Big Pantsin

One week from today will be the eve before my four day weekend. You don't even know how excited I am. And in more awesome news, my gym is going to be having a Turbo Kick class Thanksgiving morning. I have to pay $5 to take it (the money goes toward saving animals from becoming drug addicted hobos or something), but I think that is pretty awesome. So I will get a workout in before I consume thousands, upon thousands of calories!

Speaking of consuming calories, or lack of consuming, I put on a pair of pants this morning for the first time in several months and they were loose. Actually, they were really baggy in the thigh area. They bubbled out around me. And about a year ago, those pants were kind of tight. It's sort of too bad though, I really like those pants. But it also makes me happy.

Almost as happy as having four consecutive days off in a row.

With Lost not on tonight, I am not sure what I am going to do with that free hour.

I Kind of Wish It Was 10 Days in the Future

I wish it was a more appropriate time to put up my Christmas tree, but I believe in holiday boundaries. Of couse, Thanksgiving needs to happen before it is officially the Christmas season. But I am excited this year because I have a new, old, full-size Christmas tree. I also have some new ornaments; a cowboy Santa, courtesy of Norman and as of today I now have a Santa Bear and a Santa that looks as though it is jumping rope. Oh, a proper Christmas tree top. Maybe I am also prematurely in the Christmas spirit because a local radio station has started playing Christmas carols on the weekends...until Thanksgiving, when they play carols 24, 7. That's when I start to hate Christmas carols and quickly lose the Christmas spirit.

I spent some time with my mom today. My parents are getting new carpet and my mom is back into a minimalist looking home. She wants to get rid of extraneous stuff and said I could take whatever I wanted. So I took the bowl I made in 8th grade wood shop and a piece of pottery and a sculpture. What is funny about the pottery and sculpture is that these are things I gave my mother for Christmas one year. They were made by NMSU art students. I had forgotten that and my mom made fun of me. "You're taking back things you gave me." But in the end it seemed appropriate. And now I have some awesome pieces of art.

One last funny note, for those of you who think my nephews are funny. Jack was teasing and trying to wrestle with Logan and Logan yells out, "Get off of me, Farticus!" Kids are way too funny. They really can think of the cleverist things. It was funnier too, later, when Jack let one disgusting-sounding fart rip. I asked him to check his pants to make sure he hadn't shat himself. And he laughed, a wonderful, giggly, kid's laugh. Oh, I do love those boys.

PS. So I have a crush on Alec Baldwin and I am watching him host SNL and he just picked Tina Fey up itno his arms and I was a little jealous. I love the Baldwin.

If You Have Not Watched Lost and Plan To, Stop Reading

Good-bye Lost. I look forward to our reunion in February. I already have February 7 circled on my calendar, not that I would ever forget.

You do worry me. You put two important people in the line of fire; my first love and my new love. My first love, Sawyer, did sort of piss me off last night by sleeping with Kate, my archenemy. I don't think anyone is going to die though. Both Sawyer and Ben are popular characters and they just killed Echo, another popular character. I don't know if the audience could take any more death. As Locke said last night, the camp had been to a lot of funerals. I feel as though I am a member of the camp (albeit a cooler member who gets to go off with Sayid and Locke on adventures) and I am tired of Lost funerals. Put their lives in danger, but let them live!

I am glad I have Heroes to fill the void of weird, metaphysical television.

"Bye bye"

VOTE

I hope everyone is going out to vote today. I unfortunately, forgot to register in enough time to vote in Toledo.So I suppose I cannot complain too much about the state of affairs surrounding the state of Ohio. Fortunately, I can still complain about Bush. Today's election day weather is much like the last election day weather, chilly and rainy. I am so happy the election season is coming to an end. I cannot take another campaign ad.

Last night I went to iTunes and put together a mellow, fall CD mix. iTunes is a wonderful thing. I enjoy it often. Last night, however, I couldn't find the two songs I really, really wanted to put on the CD. What were they, you ask? "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" by Beck and "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison.
But it turned out ok anyway. What did make it on the CD, you ask? The list is as follows:

"I Have Dreams to Remember" Otis Redding
"Breathe Me In" Sia
"The Greatest" Cat Power
"Blind Doctor" Emily Haines
"Mushaboom" Feist
"Stardust" Muse
"I Think It's Going to Rain Today" Norah Jones
"Sail Away" David Gray
"Fernando" Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins (not so much meloncholy, but I needed to back it up, so there it is )
"Where is My Mind" The Pixies

You Tell Me

As many of you know, I enjoy yoga. I like the way it makes me feel and I look forward to it. A couple of weeks ago the instructor showed us some partner poses and we tried them with partners. Now normally, hearing the words, "find a partner," would make me bolt for the door. I mean, we're sweaty and breathing heavy and your bare feet touch and most importantly, I don't know these women (I only like to get sweaty with people I don't know in a different capacity and that is only occasionally :)) But that night in yoga, I thought I would give it a chance. It was kind of cool and I showed one to Laura and did it with her because she is my friend and I don't mind doing a yoga pose with a friend.

I thought the partner poses was a one time thing in class, but apparently it is not. And now I lose my focus and I can't relax and the class is kind of ruined for me halfway through. I can't even enjoy corpse pose at the very end. Yoga for me is just for me. I look at it as a very SINGULAR activity.

So you tell me; am I the weird one? Am I being close-minded? Should I try to be more open to this? I mean, everyone else in the class seems to be ok with it. I need some advice people. Help me.

I Am

never going to see the movie I have been awaiting for a year...Little Children. Every weekend I get sadder and sadder.

But you want to know what makes me happy? 30 Rock...that show is hilarious. I love Alec Baldwin...he's awesome. Like, I am watching it now and laughing and laughing.

I love to laugh.

That damn Alec Baldwin....gets me every time!


P.S. I got to eat leftover Halloween candy today. I had my first Baby Ruth. Not bad, not good.