Choose or Spank

I have not made any decisions about who I am voting for in the 2008 presidential election. I mean, it's only early 2007 and a lot can happen in the next 20 months. I mean, I am still holding out a little bit of hope for Bill Richardson from New Mexico. Let the little guy rise to the ranks!

Ok, so obviously, I have thought a little bit about it. And I do have opinions, but I have no idea who I will vote for.

This morning, NPR interviewed Barack Obama and they were talking about someone who defeated him in previous race and Barack said, "He didn't defeat me, he spanked me." And you want to know what? I like that Barack said "spank."

But I hardly think that's a reason to vote for him.

Unless he says "spank" a lot more in the next 20 months.

Have A Weekend as Good as Mine Might Be

I have big, big plans for the weekend. Well, I guess not big, big, but I am looking forward to them. Like tomorrow night I am going to this fundraiser for a friend from work's boyfriend's softball team. It might sound silly or whatever, but I paid $35 and I can drink and eat all night long. Or from the hours of 6 to 12, which is when the fundraiser is. That's cheaper than dinner and drinks.

I also finally get the chance to see the film adaptation of Little Children. I really, really hope it is good. I loved the book so much I would be really disappointed if the movie sucked, but I have not read or heard a bad review so I think it might be ok and that I shouldn't worry.

On Sunday I am finally getting my Christmas massage. I am really excited about that because I love massages. Also on Sunday is my version of the Super Bowl, the Oscars. I don't think it will be as interesting because I think I know who is going to win and there won't be any surprises. But I would like to see the grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine win best supporting actor over Eddie Murphy. Not that Eddie Murphy wasn't good in Dreamgirls, but I like the grandpa better. AND, as Laura I learned a few weeks ago, the grandpa wrote "The Banana Boat" song. Anyhoo, I think the Oscars will be fun to watch because Ellen Degeneres is hosting and I like her. And as I told Laura the other night, I trust her, whereas I don't trust Juliette from Lost and Laura doesn't know who to trust.

I hope my weekend meets or even exceeds my expectations. And I hope all of your's does to.

I Hate The Kid at Best Buy (But Love 2 Week Winters)

Just yesterday I was thinking that while it was not awesome at the time, in hindsight, it was awesome that I literally only experienced two weeks of hardcore winter. Scientists weren't exaggerating about how global warming was making winter shorter. Anyhoo, I definitely think I spoke too soon because we are supposed to have snow next Monday. As of now I don't think it is supposed to be anything major, but if I've learned anything from these hard two weeks of winter, it is that weather can change in a second.

Last night I had to go to Best Buy to get a new charger for my iPod and the kid who was helping me made some lame joke about me wanting to strangle my kids. I'll tell you what kid I did want to strangle…THAT KID! Excuse me, but do I look like somebody's mother? Do I look like two somebody's mother? Do I have a mom haircut? I definitely wasn't wearing mom jeans. Why would buying an iPod charger make me somebody's mother? Thinking about it now is depressing. I am not even 30. Uh, I am never going to Best Buy again. And I am going to wish that kid ill will.

Weekends

My beautiful graduation watch is dead and not even a battery will bring it back to life. Oh, I can have it fixed...for $70, but I think it would probably cost just as much to get a new watch. RIP watch.

I had some fun with my boys this weekend. Jack is so tough, but has the cutest little face and voice. And Logan is way too smart for his own good. Well, I guess they both are really. I spent almost five dollars on two miniature bottles of grape and orange Crush that was actually filled with grape and orange Crush flavored jelly beans. It's a good thing I am just an aunt and only see them every couple of weeks or so. I would go broke keeping them in the lifestyle of which they have become accustomed to.

I saw a pretty good movie on Friday. It's called Half Nelson and it's about a junior high history teacher, who's a really good teacher, but does cocaine and smokes crack at night. The story really begins when one of his students catches him high in the bathroom. Sounds weird, but I thought about it for a long time after it was done. The guy who plays the teacher is really good, but the young girl is really, really good. Check it out one day if you get the chance.

I am excited to hear that the weather is going to get warmer, but that means there won't be snow days and I won't be able to use the cold weather as an excuse to be lazy.

Death Becomes Denny

I did some flipping last night. I flipped between Scrubs and 30 Rock and Grey's Anatomy. Let me recap what I saw on Grey's Anatomy (because that is what I saw the least of): Yang mad at Meredith because she wasn't there; Izzie drilling holes in the guy's head (and perhaps a glimmer of admiration/attraction in McSteamy's eyes when he was listening to her over the phone); Addison wondering if anyone would miss her if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; Izzie saying she was a rock star; McDreamy emerging from the water with a very blue Meredith; Alex saying he would miss Addison if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; the attendings working to bring Meredith back from the dead and Meredith waking up and finding out she was dead.

I might go to television hell for saying this, but I was kind of glad that 30 Rock ends a few minutes before Grey's Anatomy because I liked being surprised by the exploded guy and Denny Duquette in heaven. And is it just me, or does Denny look really good dead? I mean, I always thought he was hot, but there was something in the 20 seconds he was onscreen last night that made me mad they killed him off.

I think that I am going to have to watch it again tonight. Sounds like a lame way to start the weekend, and it probably is, but it's cold and I am getting up early tomorrow to go to the gym, so there.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

You Can't Say I Am Not Determined

The weather is pretty bad. It's cold and snowing and the wind is blowing, causing big drifts. It is so bad that we were actually sent home from work. And you want to know what I did when I got off? I went to the gym! I thought, what the heck, I'll do it now before the roads get really, really bad.

So now I am home and I think there is a 50 percent chance I won't see my car tomorrow. There is so much snow coming down and blowing about, I think it will be completely covered. I figure in the mean time, I'll just do some laundry and drink some wine.

Yay for snow days. They rock even more when you're 29.

UPDATE: There is a blizzard warning. The last time there was a blizzard warning was 1978. We are under a level 2 alert, which means, don't go out if you don't have to. Wow, the weather is baaaad. Laura's got ice; so pretty much, Ohio sucks right now. BGSU actually closed for the first time in four years.
I can barely see Reynolds Road. It's crazy.







UPDATE 2:














This is out my front door.





This is out my back door. Usually you can see the Toys R Us sign.

Wow.

I Love 30 Rock...Do You?

Last night was another four-star episode of 30 Rock. People, really, you need to give it a shot. Quit saying things like, “Oh it sounds funny.” Or, “It’s awesome that you like it.” WATCH IT.

I listen to a lot of NPR. I learn a lot from NPR. I learn about history. I learn about books (one of my favorite books from last year, Triangle, I heard about on NPR). I learn about music ( I was able to download a live Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins show from their website) and I learn about movies (especially documentaries…just this morning I added a film to my Netflix list. It’s called Gates of Heaven and it is a documentary about pet cemeteries). I also learn a little about television.

Now before I give my parenthetical example of the television show I learned about on NPR, let me tell you that I have never liked Sarah Silverman. She always plays the same characters in movies…a serious bitch. I’ve seen her in some other comedy shows and she was always too in-your-face for me. But I heard a story on NPR about her and her new show on Comedy Central. And it sounded so different. So I checked it out last night and well…it was pretty funny. Not funny enough that I am going to plead with you to watch it like 30 Rock (see above AGAIN), but funny enough to say it was funny enough.

And before I check out for the weekend, can I get a R.I.P for Anna Nicole Smith. Good lord, what a bad end to a bad year.

30 ROCK – THURSDAYS at 9:30 on NBC – Skip Grey’s until Friday night and watch 30 ROCK. God will let you into heaven if you do.

IT'S F****** COLD

I am a firm believer in returning your grocery cart to the cart coral. It's the easiest, nicest thing you can do. Unless it's 15 below zero. Then I put it wherever is closest to my car door.

It's too cold to recycle or even take my trash to the dumpster. So as you can tell, my kitchen looks disgusting.

It's so cold, schools are already posting delays and closing for tomorrow. In certain moments today, I would've given up all the sex, drugs and rock and roll I ever experienced to be a kid and stay home.

And there is nothing colder than putting on gym clothes that you have kept in your car all day. Nothing, I say.

It's cold. I am running out of sweaters.

I Think I Woke Up With Restless Leg Syndrome Last Night

Yeah, at like 1 in the morning, my legs were twitchy and I couldn't get comfortable, but then I just fell back asleep. I hope I don't have Restless Leg Syndrome because it sounds so silly. It would be kind of embarrassing to admit. The only disease more embarrassing to admit that you have is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And my apologies go out to you if you have IBS, but if I had it, I wouldn't admit it. In fact, I might have it now, but none of you will ever know.

It is getting cold here…really cold. Yesterday when the weatherman said it could possibly get to 30 below zero with the wind chill, I didn't think I heard him right. But it was confirmed this morning…30 BELOW ZERO. That is like scary cold. That is like, going outside and having limbs immediately snap off because it is so cold, cold. That is like, not really want to do anything, kind of cold, which is hard when you have to go and work and to the gym and stuff. Although I bet just standing outside for a minute would burn a lot of calories because my body would have to work so hard to stay warm.

Also, while we're all here, I would like some opinions. If you had a job, but interviewed for a new, perhaps cooler job, and they asked you why you wanted to leave your old job, what would you say? You don't want to make your last job sound as bad as it may have been. You also don't want to look like a crazy person who is going to switch jobs every few years. So what do you say?

I Thought Yes, and Then I Thought, NO NO NO

Last night I came home from the grocery store and I was in my parking lot and I had my big Columbia jacket on, and my big ugly boots that keep my feet really warm on and it was really quiet and the snow made the air look like it was glowing and I thought, this is why people like winter; even right in the middle of it, it can be really pretty.

Then I woke up and it had snowed an additional inch and I had to hurry and get ready so I could clean off my car and the news traffic guy said it was really messy on the roads and the weather guy said that we could get another inch to two inches more of snow today and I thought, this is why I hate winter; it just makes life that much harder.

I wish it was spring already.

And this might not make any sense to anyone but Norman, but I think that Nathan Petrelli is Claire's father. It looked like his hairy arm and watch holding the phone on the scene from next week.

Over and out.

Sunday

I am currently living in a winter wonderland. It's nice when I don't have to go out anywhere. Although I did make it to the gym and to the grocery store to buy some lettuce. But before you say, wow, how dedicated this woman is, you should know I also bought a bottle of wine that I am currently really enjoying.

I also made it out to a yoga class. It was really awesome to have a full length class. Yoga's nice because you can practice it on your own, but having someone to tell you what poses to do, and correcting you if you do something wrong can make for a better workout. I am proud to say that I was not necessarily corrected, but helped to go deeper, which can be quite painful. But as John Couger Mellancamp has said, "It hurts so good." It was an interesting class because I went with a girl I work with and we found out about it from the chairman of the board at work. So we were downward dogging it with our 67 year old co-worker/kind-of boss. It is nice to know that if I want to take a yoga class, I can just go up the street and pay a few bucks to do it.

I am just enjoying my Sunday. Looking forward to some weekend trips...one to Laura's in a couple of weeks, and one to Norman's in OK in about six weeks. I hope time goes by fast.

Now...back to wine and cigarettes.

Hey Y'all, It's Wednesday

I know, I know, I have not written in a while. I apologize. Winter makes me lazier than usual. Most of my time is spent staying warm and I am sure stories of me huddling under a blanket for hours at a time would be really exciting for you.

I have been going to my new gym. I am not an official member yet. I have been taking advantage of my trial pass. But I will be an official member on Thursday…hurrah! I have even found a guy to subtly stare at longingly. He goes in around the same time I do. He has a little bald spot.

I also think I may have found a cheap yoga studio. I am going to go and try out a class on Sunday.

You know what I just realized? That it costs a lot of money to lose weight. It seems as though it would cost more money to gain weight, but there is the cost to join a gym or buy exercise equipment, healthier food costs more, if someone has never worked out, they have to buy workout clothes and then they have to buy clothes when they start losing weight. I think I went into the wrong business.

One last tidbit to tide you all over: I went and saw Dreamgirls. It was good. And I bet that girl from American Idol is glad she lost. She is either proof that American Idol was a good idea for a television show because it gets anyone good exposure or it really sucks because people don't need to win it get an Oscar nomination.

And FYI, Jim from The Office had a tiny part in it. He has had a tiny part in a lot of movies I have seen recently. He had a tiny part in For Your Consideration. Then he had a tiny part in The Holiday. When is he going to have a BIG part in a movie? Because I like Jim. He's sexy in Dreamgirls too, because he is kind of dirty and scruffy…just they way I like 'em.

Friday Eve

I know that it is only January and that we've really only had about five days of cold weather, but I am ready for winter to be over. And I am sure all of those who are covered in ice would agree.

Here's an update on the new gym situation: while I am still in the middle of my trial membership, I am pretty sure I am going to join. It's so nice and quiet. And there are some hot guys to look at. And, the other day, I got on a machine that had a television and I was able to watch Ellen. It was awesome.

Hey, did you guys know it was Girl Scout Cookie time? I am dying to get some. I like the chocolate peanut butter ones best. Now I just have to find a Girl Scout and get some. They don't really go door to door anymore. This is definitely the one time of year that I kind of wish Jack or Logan was a girl. Girl Scout cookies are so much better than Boy Scout popcorn.

Good Funny Weekend Stuff

I've always thought that Jake Gyllenhaal was kind of cute, but the clip below proves that he is also very, very funny.

Go, Jake Go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmG2gBAcN-8&eurl

I Want to Get Wireless to Let Down My Firewall on Purpose...ok, Not Really, but...

I had a moment this morning; I started listening to a story on NPR on my way to work and I had to stay in my car and listen to the end before I went inside. And I am so glad I did. It stayed with me all day. I felt so bad for David...and Anna ended up sounding like a total bitch.

I am including the link to the story. Give it a listen and tell me what you think. Would you have responded to David's email?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6809099

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I Am Thinking of Making a Big Change in My Life

As many of you know, I go to Lifestyles, an all women's gym. I started going there in grad school because it had an awesome deal for students. It's also one of those gyms that once you sign in, you get sucked in because it gets cheaper and cheaper.

But cheaper doesn't mean better.

I am starting to hate Lifestyles. The one close to my house moved and now I have to drive at least 15 minutes to get to the two closest to my house. Second, it's always packed. At one Saturday morning class, I counted 46 people. Third, the people who work there aren't really that nice; and I mean both the people who work the counter and the people who teach the class. And once, I saw an instructor take a break in class to put a new piece of gum in her mouth. That's disgusting…no one wants to hear gum chewing through a microphone. Fourth, the hours suck. It's only open a few hours during the weekend, and it closes early on Friday. I personally wouldn't mind going to the gym on a Friday night. And finally, although the idea of a women's gym sounds great, you know how women can be. There are actual cliques at my gym and if you are an odd person out like me, you stand very alone.

So, a girl I work with is an instructor at another gym. It is coed, and it is considerably more expensive, but it is 3 minutes from my house. And it has a wide variety of classes, a juice bar, a spa and the machines that you can put your headphones into and watch television. The girl I work I with says that there is never more than 25 people in a class and that it's never so busy that you can't get on a machine. And I don't know what their hours are, but if they are open even a little more than Lifestyles, I would consider this a plus.

So, I am going to try a class at the new gym on Saturday and I can get a seven day trial pass and then, well, I might make the switch. What do you all think? Am I being crazy?

What a Day, What a Day

Hey, have any of you ever burned a hard-boiled egg? I did. I fell asleep when I was boiling some eggs and an hour and half later there was not a lot of water left in the pot. And they tasted just as you would imagine...burnt.

So, I have a mild case of the flu. I should be back to good shape by tomorrow. I actually feel much better now. I felt very bad yesterday and I went and bought a thermometer to take my temperature and now I am obsessed with taking my temperature. I've taken it a half a dozen times today...and it is always a little different. It's fascinating.

And finally, it is winter here in Ohio. It is really cold and the flakes are swirling in the air. It is winter...until Thursday...when it goes back to the upper 40's. Anyhoo, cold weather always makes me want ice cream. Perhaps I shall get some.

The Stories That Passed in Front of My Eyes Today

This was the first Sunday in a long time that I was able to kind of lay around and watch tv. I didn't have to hurry up and get ready and go somewhere in the morning. It was nice. But I ended up watching a lot of Lifetime movies.

The first one was about a divorcee who fell in love with her supervisor, who was a woman. Finding out you're a lesbian at the most inopportune time makes for really compelling television.

I took a break from Lifetime to go and jump on the Borat train. That is a really funny movie. Disgusting and so, so wrong on so many levels, but really funny, nonetheless. See it. And then tell me if you saw the fat guy's penis. Even though I saw his balls, I never saw the penis.

Then I came back, armed with a Subway turkey and bacon sandwich with extra banana peppers (my new food obsession) and watched a heartwarming Lifetime movie about a woman who autistic twins and because she never gave up on them, they became an awesome musician and a really fast cross-country runner.

Then I ended my Lifetime streak with the very powerful, She's Too Young. This was about 14 year old girls giving blow jobs and getting syphilis. It reminded me of my own high school experience...just kidding. But seriously, if I ever have kids, I am going to make sure they are the biggest dorks. No one wants to suck a dork's dick or have a dork suck their dick. Pretty much dork and dick don't really belong in the same sentence except for fun adult alliteration.

And that was my Sunday. Now I am just hanging out waiting to go to bed.

Where My Head Has Been

It seems like it has been a long time since I have written here, but it hasn't really. There is something strange about the recovery after a holiday. It feels like I am recovering from a major event or something. And then I never really seem recovered until halfway through January because I have my dad's birthday and now Liam's birthday and then it always seems as though a friend is getting married or having a baby. So I go from buying gifts for Christmas to buying gifts right away for random things.

But the good thing is that I got a raise so I can afford all of these extra things I have to buy.

I got my haircut and I really like it. I actually went out and bought a straightener so my hair can look like how it did when I left the salon. It is the first time in long time that I have an actual hair style. The woman who cut my hair was very enthusiastic about the cut and said that when my hair grows out long (which I am trying to do), it will be beautiful. I really liked her. I would've only just liked her, but she asked me if I was just out of high school, so now I really like her.

I had a really fun New Year. Pretty low key, but lots of laughing and drinking and drinking. I had like, three shots that night. But I don't think they really count because they were fruity, girly shots and I like tough, manly shots. However, after I did the first two, back to back, I was a little more lightheaded than I had been. So maybe girly shots are just as good as manly shots.

I don't know…I might have to test that theory further at a later date.

Ahh, a new year already

On the eve of the eve of New Years Eve, I think not about the past year, but about the year ahead. I don't really make resolutions, because as most of us know, they fail. Besides, if I really want to do something, I do it. I don't f*** around, ya know? But I do have secret hopes and wishes for the new year, which I am not sharing because they are SECRET hopes and wishes.

I'll be interested to see what my life will be like a year from now; if there will be anything majorly different or anything. This year is very, very similar to last year. But the year before last, I was still in grad school. So what I am trying to say now, is who knows.

So I am taking down my Christmas tree today. It is always so sad, I mean, I have all this great stuff and I only get to see it for one month out of the year. But a whiskey and tonic and some Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins is making it a little easier to bear.

Anyhoo, I wish you all the happiest of New Years. And I can't wait to see you all in 2007.

Holiday Photo Essay

A few pictures of cookie making.

My Christmas tree.

Logan cutting out cookies

Jack giving his cookie a matching smile

Master cookie makers.

Logan meticulously dropping one sprinkle on his cookie.

My broken heart.

Jack vacuuming up the mess he made.

The finished products.

Quelle heureurs!

I found out the other day that when I was a little girl, I was a freak. Apparently I couldn't see correctly. I knew that I was farsighted and that I had to wear glasses starting when I was 6, but I also couldn't put lines together. My mom and brother couldn't remember what it was called or all the details, but they did remember that they had to build me a special desk.

A SPECIAL DESK!

This time the word, "special" does not have a positive connotation.

After a year I didn't need the farsighted glasses anymore or the desk.

Isn't it weird that I wouldn't remember that?

My friend Patti sent me a Christmas gift. One is a wine stopper and the other (which the tag on it actually said it was from Ringo) is a stuffed chihauhua wearing a pancho and a sombrero and when you press his paw, he sings "Feliz Navidad" and dances. It is hysterical. My nephews are going to freak out!

I love Alec Baldwin and I Think He Might Love Me Back

Check it out:

http://30rock.nbc.com/receiver.php?key=CB4F5C2B00F21885226E510AF60A7D84

(I just want to say that I was trying to post it without the big, long link, but blogger apparently sucks)

December Surprises

When I was in New Mexico in August, I joined a wine club and I thought I was supposed to get my first shipment in September. Well, I was wrong, I get it in December, which is this month. So I've got New Mexican wine. Finally. Yay.

Man, this weather is crazy. It is so warm. The other day I accidentally went out in my winter jacket and I got really sweaty. And of course, with warm weather predicted for the next few weeks, when I give my nephews their snowball makers for Christmas, they won't really be excited at all since there will be no snow to try them out with. But I think I would rather take the milder weather than the excited Christmas looks on my nephews faces. "Yes, I know this present kind of sucks right at this very moment, but I don't have to warm my car up in the morning. Deal with it, life just gets harder."

Speaking of nephews, Norman requested some new pictures of Liam. So here you go.

The kid definitely loves to eat.

I love, love, love this picture. I think he looks hilarious when he is mad. You just can't take him seriously.

I will have picture of the other ones making cookies soon.

Saturday with the Boys

Today was great fun. It was only slightly messy. There was only one instance of almost tears, and one instance of big fake tears. And we made a shit load of Christmas cookies. We made some Christmas trees, and stars and bells and angels and ghosts and roosters and lips and umbrellas and roosters and even a barn or two.

I even got (and this almost made me tear up), "This is one of the best days of our lives."

Oh, sometimes children are wonderful.

And on a side note, I have never seen the movie Mean Girls sober. And tonight is turning into no difference.

Yay beer and laundry.

I just made a total elf of myself

http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=29fbc97a7718d3c66136369_20061206

UPDATE...

After you check that out, make sure to look through these. I am not sure which one is my favorite...they are all priceless in my eyes.

Blah, blah, and ahhh

I have a belt and it has holes going all the way around it. Sounds awesome, right? Like I can make it as small as I want? Well, after a certain point the holes aren't big enough to use. What's the point in this belt? It went from awesome to not so awesome in just a few seconds.

I am almost done with Christmas shopping. I just have to get my niece and my nephew something. Liam is so small I keep forgetting about him. I also have to get my mom a few more things (I do my dad's shopping for her). I'll be happy when the shopping is done. But then comes my least favorite part of Christmas presents…wrapping. It's boring, and I am not very good at it. But I do have some cool wrapping paper. But just the thought using it on presents makes me bored and sad. Maybe I'll have a few drinks while I do it. Maybe if I get drunk enough, they will look better.

Yesterday I felt as though I might've been coming down with something, but today I feel ok. I mean, I am not going as far as to say I feel great, because that would be jinxing something I know, but I feel ok. Well enough to go workout tonight. I have to stay healthy because this weekend me boys (Logan and Jack) are coming over to make Christmas cookies. I will mostly need to stay well to keep my strength up. For two little people, they take up a lot of energy and usually drive me to drink.

Miss Clean, Miss Clean

Wow, I just cleaned my home. It took me two hours to dust, sweep and vacuum. And clean out my microwave. And clean out my fridge (I had a lot of outdated food). And do a load of laundry. And iron. And take out lots of trash.

I'm tired.

Snow is kind of flurrying.

I still want to get my Christmas cards started and I still have to go to Borders and get some Christmas presents. Not a real hardship...going to my favorite store, but if you read two lines up...I'm tired.


I hope you all had a good weekend.

If you do not hear from Witnesssuzy after today it is because she has blown away.

It is windy out today. Really, really windy. 50 mph wind gusts windy. And raining. When I got out of my car this morning to come to work, I got really wet. But the good news is that it is turning to wet snow this afternoon. Good news, I guess. Needless to say I will be happy to get home tonight where it is warm and dry. I thought that at 4 in the morning when I was still laying in bed listening to the wind blow the rain against my window. When I first woke up, I thought it was frozen rain, it sounded so hard.

In good news, my life is complete (ok, maybe not complete, complete) but I finally found pumpkin creamer. It is so delicious. I plan on drinking a lot of coffee so I can drink a lot of creamer.

So if the wind hasn't blown me away, or if the rain hasn't drowned me, I will be drinking a pot of coffee with pumpkin creamer tonight under a blanket on my warm, warm couch.

So...

Heather Mills McCartney is have a celebrity shoe auction to benefit...well, I didn't catch what it benefitted... but if the person who wins McCartney's shoes, do they get one of her fake legs too?

Just wondering.

Something (maybe) to Keep Me Warm in the Winter

It was like a warm golden spotlight last night as I pulled into the Meijer parking lot. It was shining on a Chipotle sign. Next to the very grocery store I shop in. It's not open yet, perhaps by Christmas, or maybe the New Year.

But as I drove away from the Chipotle sign, I got worried. As much as I love the burritos and tacos, I know I hardly have any self-control. And I go to Meijer at least once a week. I just counted up the calories in burrito I would eat and it has almost 1100 calories in it. If I ate it for lunch, I would literally have to drink water for the rest of the day. I think perhaps I will have one when it first opens and then I will have to be satisfied with that memory for a while.

Oh well…

It's supposed to be 65 degrees here today, which is nice. It's supposed to snow on Friday, which is not so nice. Although I suppose it is December, so snow wouldn't be really weird. I think I may be one of the few people in the world who could care less if there is a white Christmas.

F*** the snow.

Thanksgiving Hangover

I had a fantastic Thanksgiving. Good food, obviously. The cake was a hit. The boys were funny. Liam wanted dessert so bad, he climbed up his sister's lap and onto the table. Now we know he's a member of my family.

This morning when I went to the gym, it felt as though I was working out hungover, even though I didn't drink. Food is so weird.

I hope everyone had a good time yesterday.

Thanksgiving Edition Tidbits

I don't know if any of you remember that I got a turkey last year at Thanksgiving from my company or wondered what happened to its fate. Well, its fate is to be this year's Thanksgiving turkey. It totally freed up a ton of space in my freezer, except that now it looks so empty.

This year, instead of a turkey, I got a gift card to Kroger. I think it is awesome that they give us something for Thanksgiving. I guess they are just showing how thankful they are. And I think it is awesome that it is a gift card to Kroger. I am going to buy booze and junk food…happy Thanksgiving to me.

I got out of work early and had lunch with my parents. Last year at this time it was snowy and gross and miserable. Today it is sunny and supposed to hit 50 degrees. Tomorrow it is supposed to be the same. I love unseasonably nice weather.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell everyone to have a happy Thanksgiving.

Save the Cheerleader, Save Thanksgiving

So Peter Petrelli saved the cheerleader, but did he save the world? Don't get me wrong, I like Heroes a lot. But every week they say it's the big episode not to miss and every week, it's not as big as I had hoped. I think it would be a big episode if they killed off the slutty mom with multiple personalites, because I don't like her. I like her kid and her ex-husband, but not her. And I wish Peter Petrelli (whom I have finally stopped thinking as Jess from Gilmore Girls) would quit being such a pansy. And I want Hiro to come back to present day...is that so wrong?

Ok, on to real life...

I am really excited for Thanksgiving this year. Much more so than recent years and I am not sure why. I am making a Pumpkin Butter Cake. I'll let you all know how it turns out. Maybe I am excited because I get to go to the gym on Thanksgiving. I know it is a holiday, but I would think lots of people would want to work out if they were in town that day.

I saw the movie, Marie Antoinette this weekend and it was awful. But it made me want to get out my pictures from France. Sometimes I can't believe I ever was in France. But it's been 10 years. I saw the room that Marie Antoinette gave birth in. I saw the blade from the guillotine that beheaded her. I saw many cathedrals and the Mona Lisa. I hadn't looked at these pictures in years, so it was fun to get them out.

The only other thing I have to tell you is that I am putting up my new, old Christmas tree this weekend. I will post a picture, for it is sure to be beautiful.

It's a Mad, Mad Toledo

There are two big events this weekend for the city of Toledo, OH. One being TomKat's wedding; the second being the University of Michigan/Ohio State football game.

Why, you might be asking is Tom Cruise's and Katie Holmes wedding a big event for Toledo, OH? Because Katie Holmes was born and bred here. She was always a big deal. One year she was Grand Marshall of the Thanksgiving parade. Toledo obviously loves her, but since she's been with Cruise, one would think she was made of gold. All this week there has been updates on the news about the big wedding. It's in Rome. J. Lo is going to be there. Her family arrived on Thursday. TomKat went out to eat with Suri (who is actually, a really ugly baby). Forget about the war, forget about the trial of the kid who brought flammables to school, forget about Tom Noe's conviction, the real news here is Katie Holmes' first marriage.

When the news is not talking about TomKat, they are talking about the big football game. Toledo is in a weird place for this game. It is right on the Ohio/Michigan border, so the odds are the city is split. Where I work is a perfect example of this. All week these guys have been fighting over who's going to win. And they're so witty. Did you know Ohio State football players give guys blow jobs and then swallow? Me neither, but apparently they do and that's why they are going to lose the game tomorrow.

I hate football. Next to baseball, I think it is the most boring sport EVER! So I don't really care who wins. I think it would be more interesting if Ohio State players gave Michigan players blow jobs on the field instead of playing football on it.

I wonder if all the way over in Rome, Katie Holmes has picked a favorite for the game? Well, whoever her favorite is, Tom Cruise probably chose it for her.

Big Pantsin

One week from today will be the eve before my four day weekend. You don't even know how excited I am. And in more awesome news, my gym is going to be having a Turbo Kick class Thanksgiving morning. I have to pay $5 to take it (the money goes toward saving animals from becoming drug addicted hobos or something), but I think that is pretty awesome. So I will get a workout in before I consume thousands, upon thousands of calories!

Speaking of consuming calories, or lack of consuming, I put on a pair of pants this morning for the first time in several months and they were loose. Actually, they were really baggy in the thigh area. They bubbled out around me. And about a year ago, those pants were kind of tight. It's sort of too bad though, I really like those pants. But it also makes me happy.

Almost as happy as having four consecutive days off in a row.

With Lost not on tonight, I am not sure what I am going to do with that free hour.

I Kind of Wish It Was 10 Days in the Future

I wish it was a more appropriate time to put up my Christmas tree, but I believe in holiday boundaries. Of couse, Thanksgiving needs to happen before it is officially the Christmas season. But I am excited this year because I have a new, old, full-size Christmas tree. I also have some new ornaments; a cowboy Santa, courtesy of Norman and as of today I now have a Santa Bear and a Santa that looks as though it is jumping rope. Oh, a proper Christmas tree top. Maybe I am also prematurely in the Christmas spirit because a local radio station has started playing Christmas carols on the weekends...until Thanksgiving, when they play carols 24, 7. That's when I start to hate Christmas carols and quickly lose the Christmas spirit.

I spent some time with my mom today. My parents are getting new carpet and my mom is back into a minimalist looking home. She wants to get rid of extraneous stuff and said I could take whatever I wanted. So I took the bowl I made in 8th grade wood shop and a piece of pottery and a sculpture. What is funny about the pottery and sculpture is that these are things I gave my mother for Christmas one year. They were made by NMSU art students. I had forgotten that and my mom made fun of me. "You're taking back things you gave me." But in the end it seemed appropriate. And now I have some awesome pieces of art.

One last funny note, for those of you who think my nephews are funny. Jack was teasing and trying to wrestle with Logan and Logan yells out, "Get off of me, Farticus!" Kids are way too funny. They really can think of the cleverist things. It was funnier too, later, when Jack let one disgusting-sounding fart rip. I asked him to check his pants to make sure he hadn't shat himself. And he laughed, a wonderful, giggly, kid's laugh. Oh, I do love those boys.

PS. So I have a crush on Alec Baldwin and I am watching him host SNL and he just picked Tina Fey up itno his arms and I was a little jealous. I love the Baldwin.

If You Have Not Watched Lost and Plan To, Stop Reading

Good-bye Lost. I look forward to our reunion in February. I already have February 7 circled on my calendar, not that I would ever forget.

You do worry me. You put two important people in the line of fire; my first love and my new love. My first love, Sawyer, did sort of piss me off last night by sleeping with Kate, my archenemy. I don't think anyone is going to die though. Both Sawyer and Ben are popular characters and they just killed Echo, another popular character. I don't know if the audience could take any more death. As Locke said last night, the camp had been to a lot of funerals. I feel as though I am a member of the camp (albeit a cooler member who gets to go off with Sayid and Locke on adventures) and I am tired of Lost funerals. Put their lives in danger, but let them live!

I am glad I have Heroes to fill the void of weird, metaphysical television.

"Bye bye"

VOTE

I hope everyone is going out to vote today. I unfortunately, forgot to register in enough time to vote in Toledo.So I suppose I cannot complain too much about the state of affairs surrounding the state of Ohio. Fortunately, I can still complain about Bush. Today's election day weather is much like the last election day weather, chilly and rainy. I am so happy the election season is coming to an end. I cannot take another campaign ad.

Last night I went to iTunes and put together a mellow, fall CD mix. iTunes is a wonderful thing. I enjoy it often. Last night, however, I couldn't find the two songs I really, really wanted to put on the CD. What were they, you ask? "Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime" by Beck and "Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison.
But it turned out ok anyway. What did make it on the CD, you ask? The list is as follows:

"I Have Dreams to Remember" Otis Redding
"Breathe Me In" Sia
"The Greatest" Cat Power
"Blind Doctor" Emily Haines
"Mushaboom" Feist
"Stardust" Muse
"I Think It's Going to Rain Today" Norah Jones
"Sail Away" David Gray
"Fernando" Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins (not so much meloncholy, but I needed to back it up, so there it is )
"Where is My Mind" The Pixies

You Tell Me

As many of you know, I enjoy yoga. I like the way it makes me feel and I look forward to it. A couple of weeks ago the instructor showed us some partner poses and we tried them with partners. Now normally, hearing the words, "find a partner," would make me bolt for the door. I mean, we're sweaty and breathing heavy and your bare feet touch and most importantly, I don't know these women (I only like to get sweaty with people I don't know in a different capacity and that is only occasionally :)) But that night in yoga, I thought I would give it a chance. It was kind of cool and I showed one to Laura and did it with her because she is my friend and I don't mind doing a yoga pose with a friend.

I thought the partner poses was a one time thing in class, but apparently it is not. And now I lose my focus and I can't relax and the class is kind of ruined for me halfway through. I can't even enjoy corpse pose at the very end. Yoga for me is just for me. I look at it as a very SINGULAR activity.

So you tell me; am I the weird one? Am I being close-minded? Should I try to be more open to this? I mean, everyone else in the class seems to be ok with it. I need some advice people. Help me.

I Am

never going to see the movie I have been awaiting for a year...Little Children. Every weekend I get sadder and sadder.

But you want to know what makes me happy? 30 Rock...that show is hilarious. I love Alec Baldwin...he's awesome. Like, I am watching it now and laughing and laughing.

I love to laugh.

That damn Alec Baldwin....gets me every time!


P.S. I got to eat leftover Halloween candy today. I had my first Baby Ruth. Not bad, not good.

Happy Halloween

Friday Night Tidbit

I went to Howard's with Ashley to hear some bands and saw some people I have not seen in a long time. A few points of interest:

Mitch Ranie: Funny, but hilarious with a guitar. "Jesus invented atari with his some help from his friends, the Japanese."

The nicest thing I have heard in long time, "You're someone I realize I miss when I don't see you all the time."

An altogether very nice evening.

Picture #2

Picture #1

HIGHlarious

I was listening to this story on NPR today and it was about a family dog.... a cocker spaniel. She had a fondness for sucking toads. Sucked them white. And laid around stoned all day. In the winter when the cold scared the toads into hiding, the dog had withdrawals. When the dog finally got over her withdrawals, the family thought that the dog had conquered her problem, but the summer came and the toads returned and then turned up white again. The dog had a drug problem, plain and simple.

Here, check it out, read or listen.

Weekend

It is always so hard to go back to work after a three day weekend. Especially when there is sort of a dry spell of important work at work.

I took Friday off because it was my birthday and I didn't really say anything to anyone I worked with. I knew a couple of people would know because they see me on MySpace. When I got back this morning, my boss asked if I had a good weekend. And I said yes. And then he asked if it was relaxing, and then I kind of laughed because I understood where this line of questioning was going and told him that it had been my birthday and that since it was on a Friday that I would take it off and told him about my pedicure. But word of my birthday had definitely got around on Friday; when I returned a message to our advertising agency, the guy wished me a belated happy birthday. What's funny is that if I hadn't taken the day off, nobody would've known and never said anything.

I went to the Henry Ford Museum this weekend and had a good time. I haven't been since I was very young. There were a lot of changes. Obviously there wasn't an IMAX theater 20 years ago. But I remember Thomas Edison's signature in concrete and what I remembered as an old McDonalds, but is really just a diner near the old McDonalds sign. I saw the Oscar Mayer Weiner Mobile and bought my nephews Weiner Mobile Cars. Now I am excited to go to Greenfield Village when the weather is warm again. Because it certainly isn't very warm today.

Fun Wednesday Tidbits

Here ere are my new glasses. It is so awesome to be able to see clearly again.

UPDATE....as requested, a before and after.


Before



Sorry it is kind of blurry.

And after


They are similar, yet they are different. These are the first new pair of glasses I've gotten in...I think six years...might be longer, but not sooner.

Reheat and Re-eat

Reheat and Re-eat
I went to Carrabbas last night and I only ate half of everything (except the salad...I did eat the whole salad). Of course, I brought the other half home and ate it for lunch. This is the beauty of leftovers, or reruns, as my dad calls them. If I have something substantial left on my plate while eating out, it's coming home. I even reheat things with lettuce on it, like a taco or a sandwich that was hot to begin with. Some things don't taste as good the next day, but some things taste almost better.

Over Labor Day when I was visiting Laura, we went to a seafood restaurant and Laura wouldn't take any of her leftovers home. We had this whole conversation about leftovers and basically, Laura doesn't do leftovers, which lead to all of us teasing her, because that is always fun. I took my leftover fish back to her house and not only ate it the next day (because as I remember correctly, Laura was taking forever to get ready and I was starving...the teasing of Laura never ends), but I didn't reheat it. I ate it cold, which lead to another teasing session for Laura, because the question had to be asked; could she take home leftovers and eat them if they weren't reheated?

Anyhoo, what I am trying to get to here is what are everyone's leftover rules? Obviously, I have none, or, I have one...I am not really into eating leftover salads...but everything else is fair game. I mean, if it was delicious once, it'll be delicious twice.

My Friday Night

After work I went to the gym for an hour. Talked to Norman for an hour and a half. Cleaned my bathtub. Took some boxes and bike to storage (goodbye for a few months bike, I look forward to riding you again in the spring). Ate dinner. Did two loads of laundry. Dusted the corners of my ceiling. Cleaned my coffee pot. Cleaned my fridge. Uh...I can't remember what else. But it was a lot.

Doesn't sound exciting at all, but it was really needed. And my place looks presentable again.

It Just Snowed Really Weird Snow

So quick Lost thoughts; I don't think I have ever seen Sayid be wrong. And when he is wrong, boy is he wrong. Also, I wonder what Ben is going to ask Jack to do? Laura thinks he is going to ask Jack to have sex with Juliet. I am not so sure about that theory. But I am excited to see the resolution to the Locke, Echo and Desmond story next week. Or as much as a resolution as you can get on Lost.

It's cold out. Last winter, the weather was all I seemed to blog about. I can't help it; it is so distressing sometimes. People take for granted just leaving their homes with no thought to letting the car warm up, cleaning the car, shoveling around the car...even putting on a coat and some gloves takes time. At least this morning I didn't have to clean any snow. But we are supposed to have flurries today. When I was growing up and lived in northwestern Michigan, I remember it snowing a couple of times on my birthday.

And the cold weather definitely makes people cranky. One woman I work with was especially cranky today and I am blaming that on the weather. I try not to be cranky so early, because if I started with it now, I would be a homicidal bitch by March. So I just blog about the weather. Maybe Crany Work Lady should get a blog and write about the weather and then she wouldn't have to have her nickname.

Not How I Wanted to Start the Week

My car was broken into last night, or perhaps early this morning. I went down to my car to go to work and noticed that my ashtray was on the passenger seat, and then I got in and saw that my glove compartment was open. I looked around and noticed my backseats had been put in the upright position, whereas yesterday they were down, and my electric ice scraper had been put in the backseat. I looked in the back, but nothing had been taken. So while I was freaking out, I knew there was nothing I could do because nothing, but maybe a dollar in change, had been taken. Then I noticed my rear passenger window was broken and that was when I started to feel a little sick.

The girl who parks next to me, her car was broken into too. Her car had been broken into before. I didn’t have a lot of cd’s in my car, but they were all there. Apparently these assholes don’t have very good taste in music or else they would’ve taken mine. And they must not know what an electric ice scraper is because they surely would’ve taken that. No, they break open my window to take my change. And there weren’t even any quarters, I had taken them out a couple of months ago to do my laundry. And they dropped a dime on their way out.

I am referring to them, like there were multiple people, but I don’t know that.

So I call work to tell them I will be late. They were veryunderstanding and told me what would probably happen when I called the insurance. And they were right…my deductible is $500 and the window won’t cost that much, so I have to pay for it myself. Then I call the police even though they won’t be able to do anything about it. Then I get plastic and duct tape and make an appointment to get it fixed. I got teary eyed a couple of times, but haven’t really cried or anything. I just feel weird.

And what is really weird is that I never have nightmares, but last night I did. I dreamt that some of my friends and I were walking down railroad tracks and a car was driving after us and we would run off the tracks and the car would drive off the tracks to follow us. Finally, they pass us, and one friend (one of those faceless, nameless dream people) kicks the car as it drives past, and the car stops and a guy gets out and runs after us and one friend gets stabbed in the leg and I got stabbed in the hand.

It’s just a weird, weird day and a totally shitty way to start the week.

Weekend Rundown

Jenny Lewis was amazing. She sounded just like the cd, which is a rarity. She is so cute and petite and the Watson Twins had some choreography. She played some new songs that totally rocked. I want her to put out a new album pronto, which I know she won't since she is getting ready to record again with Rilo Kiley.

And of course going to Detroit was an experience in itself. There was a crazy parking lot guy who kept saying he was going to be my eyes and a girl at the concert in leopard print made fun of my jacket and didn't think I could hear. Well, I guess the last part wasn't particular to Detroit...but worth mentioning, none the less. Also, the venue turns into a nightclub around 10, so the show ended early and they kicked everyone out...even though I had just ordered a delicious Stella Artois. I just took it into the bathroom where there was even more funny drunk girl banter to be heard.

Today my parents brought over a couple of boxes of my things and in one of them was my grandpa's hat. I put it on and well, it fits, but not that well. It is a little small. So I called my mom to ask whether I had a big head or if my grandpa had a small head.

"Well, he had kind of a small head and you have kind of a big head."

I have to love my mother for her honesty...I guess.

Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins in Detroit

I like almost all Fridays, but today is extra special. It’s Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins Day! Hooray! Hazah! I think it’s going to be awesome. It’s been so long since I have been to a concert.



So I am heading to Detroit this evening, which is a city that I think has gotten a bad rap. Don’t get me wrong…I wouldn’t want to live there, but I think people think it’s SUPER dangerous and that you can’t walk anywhere without being jumped or something. And that just isn’t true. As long as you’re careful, it’s no more dangerous than any other city. Besides, let’s look at the facts; it’s the home of the Red Wings, the greatest hockey team in the world, it is the birthplace of Motown (there is a museum in the small house Motown Records started in…very interesting), cars used to be made there (I think some still are), it has Greek Town (Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides is based there) and Jenny Lewis is going to be there tonight. What more could you ask for in a big city only an hour away?

Actually as a kid, it reminded me of Chicago like in Adventures in Babysitting. And FYI, it’s where I ate fried alligator.










UPDATE...Yeah, Detroit's awesome. So awesome that the Tigers are in a playoff game against the New York Yankees tonight. It is going to be pure madness.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Lost starts again tonight. And while last year I had been eagerly awaiting the day, this year, it snuck up on me. Maybe because the first week of October seemed so far away for so long. And now it is here. I don’t want to ruin too much out of respect for PTT who has not seen all of the second season yet, but this year we are supposed to find out who Kate chooses (I hate Kate, I hope Jack and Sawyer both dump her ass), and apparently we meet some of those people that walk around in the background. You know, the other survivors who aren’t others. It should be exciting.

As I stated before, I am going to get new glasses and contacts. I am excited, because I will be able to see better, but I actually hate picking out glass. It is very complicated for me. I don’t know the shape of my face and I see other people’s glasses that I like, but I don’t know if they would look good on me. And glasses are expensive. And invariably, I am going to really like the most expensive pair. So I need all of you to wish me luck that I find good-looking glasses. It is an important matter.

Getting My Eyes Fixed So I Can Roll Them Come Christmas

I am taking the plunge…I am going to the eye doctor this week. I have no vision insurance so I was putting it off, but I am tired of squinting and getting headaches that stem from my eyes. I am getting the whole kit and caboodle…glasses and contacts. So hopefully in a few weeks I will have headaches from being able to see too good.

I have been getting ready to do my company's holiday newsletter and it reminded me of the holiday form letter that people put in their Christmas cards. Do any of you get them? Please don't tell me you send them…those letters are a huge pet peeve for me. They are so impersonal and insincere and I didn't think the holidays were a time for insincerity, except for when you get a present you don't like and have to act like you do ("Oh my gosh, thanks for the mounted fish that talks…I LOVE it."). Besides, these letters are usually filled with information I don't care about. So what, so your 12 year old son's soccer team came in 7 th in the league? When I read that, I think, "Wow, what a loser."

David Sedaris has this great story written like one of those letters called, "Seasons Greetings to Our Family and Friends" and it is hilarious. It is featured in both Holidays on Ice and Barrel Fever. I highly recommend it. And trust me, it is so much better than reading an actual form letter.

Time for a Pumpkin Ale

I was listening to an online radio station today and heard a song by someone named Meghana Bhat. I just wanted to share, for obvious reasons.

I officially hate my job this week and every person who works here. I hope I don't hate it so much on Monday when I have to come back.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

But I Want to Be A Scrapbooker

Tonight I went to a scrapbooking party. It was like a tupperware party, but with scrapbooking supplies and stuff.

I am not a scrapbooker and don't want to be. I like throwing pictures in a box. I don't like keeping momentos because I love the feeling of throwing away trash.

I went because the one girl at work I really like invited me. She had invited me to a party before and I didn't go and I don't want to stop being invited places, so I went. And had a nice time.

I did not buy a scrapbook or all of the corresponding accessories.

I did buy some Christmas cards I have to put together. So check your mailboxes closer to the holidays. You may have a homeade Christmas card from me.

Now I am off to finish watching the episode of Everyone Loves Raymond where his mother makes a sculpture that looks like a vagina.

Check My I.D. and My Doors

I got a new license today. I know, I know…truly exciting. To be honest, I was worried that it would be a terrible picture. But it's not bad. It looks like me. One side of my hair is messy.

I've been having problems with sleeping and noises. Saturday night (or actually Sunday morning around 4) I woke up with a start after dreaming of sweeping up dead, baby mice. It was weird, like I totally sat up in bed startled, just like a movie. And then, when I realized I was ok and laid back down, I heard a baby crying outside…either that or a cat meowing, because the more I listened, the more I had no idea what it was. So I got up and went to open my sliding glass door to see if I could figure it out. I couldn't figure it out because whatever it was had stopped.

But as I was walking back to my bedroom, I thought, "what if it had been a cat…what if it had gotten in my house? What if a rabid, disgusting, crazy cat is in my apartment?" Well, I'm not totally irrational; I told myself I was being silly and went back to bed. But for a while after I went to bed, it felt as though something was touching me.

Then the past couple of nights, I have heard noises like someone trying to enter my apartment. I would turn off my fan and it would go away. I realized last night that the noise is the fan on a poster in my room.

I hope now that I know there is no cat in my home or anyone trying to come in, I will sleep with ease tonight.

My Gift to You

The Office is so funny that even deleted scenes can give you a hardy chuckle.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

Spin Doctor

A funny thing happened at work today. Some of the small details in my beautiful brochure that I mentioned in the previous post are not going to be consistent with our price listing and overall program. People are concerned that the brochure says we offer such and such, but in actuality it's not a standard item, it'll be special order…blah, blah, blah…I won't bore you with the details.

And yes, these things should be consistent, unfortunately, the way everyone works around here, consistency does not happen or is even noticed until it is too late.

But I remembered another skill I learned along the way…the ability to SPIN! So what? So what the brochure says we have a Victorian gadgety-do, but we don't stock it. We can get it for them. So what we don't actually offer this. We can get it. This brochure showcases their options. And we should want to give them the world. And they agreed. When I said we shouldn't worry too much, they agreed.

I had forgotten about all those years of PR classes. All those years of thinking on my feet…no time to prepare…no time to get frazzled…covering up mistakes. I am going to try and always remember to spin. Never again will I do anything wrong.

It Took Me Forever to Post This...

I have decided I hate the word diet. I think as soon as the word is used, the action has failed; at least in my case. So I say, watching what I eat. I have been writing down everything I eat every day…twice. Once in an email to a couple of friends (we are our own weight watchers) and once at self.com. Self.com is awesome…you enter your weight and how much you exercise and your goals and they tell you how many calories to eat a day (although in my case it's a lot…I think it might be because I exercise a lot) and every time you enter something in, it gives you a chart. It is a very visual way to lose weight. I love all the graphs. It gets me excited.

Speaking of losing weight…or inches…or whatever, I was watching tv yesterday at lunch and there was a commercial for Dr. 90210 (a reality show about a plastic surgeon on E) and it was about a guy who wanted to have his penis size DECREASED. Holy hell…I mean, how is that done? And for goodness sake, how big is it? I think I might have to watch that one.

So yesterday the very first brochure I designed all by myself came back from the printers. I knew it looked nice when we sent it out, but seeing it on glossy, heavy paper…it looks awesome. It looks so awesome, I can't believe I did it. It was a very gratifying moment for me.

That and This

So everyone, it is rainy and chilly here. Much chillier than they said it would be and I did not bring a coat, sweater, long-sleeved shirt or anything that will keep me a little warmer. But I am thankful that it isn’t 20 degrees and snowing and I forgot my winter coat. But I did only bring a t-shirt and shorts to work out in, so when I leave, I will be even chillier than I am when go outside now. But at least I can go home and warm up.

My car is done and I get to pick it up this afternoon. As much as I enjoyed driving a newer, different car, I am looking forward to getting my car back. I miss it.

I got business cards on Friday and boy do I feel important. Actually, I am not being sarcastic, it is pretty cool. But mostly because I designed them.

Unfortunately, at the moment, my life is lacking in entertaining content, so this is all you get today.

...

I hope everyone has stopped eating bagged spinach. I know I have.

My car is going to be ok and cheap. The only drawback is that is might not be ready until Monday, but I guess I do what I gotta do...whore myself out for rides.

Have a good weekend ya'll.

Wish List and Such

I am taking my car in today to be checked out and there are a few things I hope happen:

Ø That it is covered by my warranty (which I am beginning to doubt the warranty; I think it is false advertising)
Ø If it isn't covered by my warranty, that it is not very expensive
Ø That it doesn't take long (because I am borrowing my parent's car and I don't want to have it forever)

Don't you wish cars could work forever without any maintenance? I do. I also wish it was lunchtime because I am craving some chips and salsa. I also wish it was 4 o'clock tomorrow, because then it would be the weekend. I also wish I was a Christmas tree that you put the star on top. Ok, the last one is really more of Pearl Jam's wish.

Oh and hey, a week from today is the season premier of The Office and Grey's Anatomy. That should be a good time, n'est pas?

Reading is Sexy

My friend Laura (in Seattle) sent me card with an old fashioned poster for Rice Krispie treats. On the bottom it says, "Marshmallow Megan and her marvelous marshmallow treats." She realized the name was spelled wrong but thought it was funny anyway. It is also funny because I cannot stand Rice Krispie treat. I only like the kind that has that super thick layer of chocolate on top…the kind that you can buy. But even then, I usually have to be really in the mood or starving. Otherwise, I stay away from Rice Krispie treats.


Don't you think this shirt is awesome? I would like to get it and spread the word of reading. I want to be reading's prophet. Someone should make a t-shirt with my picture and have it say, " Reading's Prophet." They would make a fortune, I know it.

Do you ever do something, but can't remember doing it? Like today, I know I put my outgoing mail in the outgoing mail slot, but I do not remember doing it. I know I must have because I remember seeing the paper outside my neighbor's door by the mailboxes. But I don't remember putting the Netflix envelope in the slot.

Life is so complicated.

Funny...haha, maybe a little funny/ironic

Today I went to Andersons to stock up on my favorite pumpkin ale that is impossible to find by October and I saw they were selling six packs of Iron City, a beer out of Pittsburgh that my friend in Las Cruces loves. I picked up a six pack to send her.

I called her this evening to catch up (but not tell her about the beer...that was going to be sent as a surprise) and she told me she was pregnant.

So congratulations to her....and to me. I have an extra six pack of beer now. Wooha.

These Dreams

Yesterday I:

> talked about my friend in Ecuador with a woman I work with who knows her as well.

> sent another friend who got a new job an e-card

> thought about my friend Justin

> watched Grey's Anatomy.

Last night I dreamt that I:

> was with my friend in Ecuador and my friend who got new job. My friend who got a new job was using her cell phone while driving with an open window. The cell phone was so small it flew out the window while she was holding it. We had to turn around and try to find it on the road and oddly enough we found a lot of cell phones, but not hers.

> got a voicemail from Justin that was actually quite mean about how he was mad that I had stopped talking to him.

> ended up at a bar and my friends were the people from Grey's Anatomy. Specifically, I was sitting between Patrick Dempsey and Chris O'Donnell.

Dreams are so weird. Sometimes they are really bizarre and funny. Sometimes they are really bizarre and not funny at all. Sometimes they make absolutely no sense (like my Ralph Fiennes dreams).

Oh My

JT is still as smoking as ever. I almost want to hate Cammie D. Almost.

Interesting...to say the least.

"BURIAL PLOTS 4 Sites, Value $2000/each, $1500 for all 4..."

That is the beginning of a classified ad in the weekly city paper. What do you think happened there?

It is 10:30 in the morning. I have already been up, had two cups of coffee, breakfast, gone to the gym and showered. I should get up early more often; I get so much done.

Off to Cincinnati in a few hours. Everyone have a great, long Labor Day weekend.

Funny Story

Yesterday I was in my office and there was a knock at the door. It was a guy who works down on the floor asking me if he hit me with a screw.

I thought I had heard him correctly, but I still said back, "Did you hit me with a screw?"

He said yes, that's what he wanted to know (or something along those lines) and I said, "No, not that I know of."

He said that he and this other guy will throw screws across the room at each other and the other guy had told him that he had hit me with one and he wanted to apologize.

At this point, I am just trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of my job and say, "I don't think you did, but if you did, I didn't feel it."

Then as he walks back downstairs he yells, "I didn't even hit her, asshole."

Well, at least he was going to apologize. That's something, I guess.

Update

My mom is doing fine. She's still in the hospital, but is out of coronary care unit and in a regular room. They are going to give her a stress test and let her go tomorrow.

What happened is that they didn't get all the fluid out after the surgery. They had wanted her to stay overnight on Wednesday, but they were taking so long to find her room, she asked if she could just go home and they let her.

So anyway, it's a combination of fluid from surgery and a touch of pneumonia. But the fluid is going away and her oxygen levels are almost normal.

And she's back to be cranky, which is always a good sign.

I am off to see her again in a little while.

Thanks for the great thoughts everyone! I really appreciate it.

Long Crazy Day

As I so eloquently stated the other day, my mother had gall bladder surgery. It's a pretty common surgery, but when you are 63 and have had diabetes for 20 years, nothing is really common, but she had got through it.

But today, around 1 pm, I saw that I had a voicemail. It was my dad saying:

• My mom couldn't breathe this morning
• They went to the hospital
• They found fluid on her lungs
• His cell phone didn't work in the hospital, he would call when he got a chance

And that is all I heard for three and a half hours.

So I spent three and a half hours doing research on lung fluid, thinking, "No news is good news" and crying at my desk thinking about how my mother might die and about her funeral arrangements (which she eerily told me her wishes about earlier this summer) and being selfish thinking, "I am only 28 years old and am too young to be without a mother.

But I finally got a phone call and my dad said the same thing he said before and that she would have to spend a few days in the hospital and that the doctors didn't seem too concerned...anything that was wrong could be fixed.

I went and saw her and it was comforting. She wasn't hooked up to a million machines and seemed in decent spirits considering.

It was an emotional day. It was a wake up call. Need to feel a change for your life? Go visit a coronary care unit in a hospital.

I just needed to get these things off my chest. Thanks for listening.

A Couple of Things Said Today That Might Be Misconstrued

"No one wants to see my holes"

-My mother who had her gall bladder removed today laborscopically.

"You just pulled that out of your trunk?"

-Some guy in the parking lot of the biking trail after I took my bike out of my car.

Weekend Roundup

I received a "Save the Date" card for my friend Laura's (in Seattle) wedding. It was the most beautiful piece of stationary regarding a wedding I have ever received. It was very simple and elegant and unique, much like Laura.

And even though I chose to open with that titillating piece of information, it was not the highlight of my weekend.

Go see Little Miss Sunshine.

It was one of the best films I've seen so far. It's funny. The ending had me laughing so hard I cried and almost peed a little. And I'm not joking about that. But it isn't like a riotously funny movie. It also had some very moving parts in it as well. I liked everyone in it, but Steve Carrell was really awesome, mainly because he played a character unlike any of his other characters and he does subtle very well.

I found out someone I used to know fell in love with a girl from Australia and is moving there. It's funny where love takes you. I wonder if his girlfriend would mind if I stayed with them if I wanted to visit? HA!

It was also sweet little Jack's birthday party this weekend. He was so sweet when I walked in…but I think it was because I was holding his present. "Hi Aunt Witnesssuzy! Is that for ME?!? Thank you, thank you!" I got him hula hoop and even funnier than watching him actually hula hoop is watching him swivel his little hips around to practice. And what's even funnier than that, is that he half unwrapped a box full of clothes, threw it on the ground and went straight to the next present. I love kid's birthdays. Not enough to have the actual kids, but enough to go to a party here and there.

A Good Survey

I came across this and thought, "Well, I like to read and my readers like to read." So here you go.

One Book I Found Out About By Reading Playboy Magazine:
Well, I’ll be honest here; if I am looking at Playboy I AM looking at the pictures and not the articles. I know that Playboy is actually a great magazine for awesome, insightful, smart articles. And really, the only recent memories of looking at Playboy was at Laura’s and it’s more fun to analyze the pictures or laugh at how Kirsten Dunst doesn’t realize a boob has popped out.

Book I Have Signed By the Author:
I have Barrel Fever signed by David Sedaris. It is actually a really good story that involved him shoving a whole croissant into his mouth and telling my friend Chandy that she had the most white trash name he had ever heard. He also drew a stadium buddy in my book and if you don’t what that is, you need to read some Sedaris.

Books For Which I Am A Sucker:
I am a huge sucker for “chick lit.” You know, stuff by Jennifer Weiner (which are really good…Laura turned me onto her…oh and Laura, she’s got a short story collection coming out this fall) or the Confessions of a Shopaholic series. I also read the really stupid stuff that borders on teen girl books, like Meg Cabot, who also actually writes teen girl books (The Princess Diaries). One book I read of hers, Every Boy’s Got One, was written through character’s emails and journals. And of course the characters write their conversations down as they are having them. Anyhoo, some “chick lit” is totally stupid, but they’re cheap and worth wasting a few hours on.

Books Of Which There Are More Than One Copy in My Home:
I don’t think I have more than one copy of anything in my home. And if I did have a second copy, I would give it away. I like to spread the love of books.

The First Book I Read In a Foreign Language:
Dora Bruder. It is a true story of a German girl in Paris during the Holocaust. I had to read it for a French class I had. I actually read much better in French than I do speak or write. But I also now own the book in English as well. I also have Interview with a Vampire in French, but have never read it.

Book That Most Recently Inspired Me:
Well, I haven’t really read anything that has inspired me. But I did recently read a book that has become one of my top five favorites. It is called Spilling Clarence by Anne Ursu. I think I might have written about it in an earlier post. But it was an amazing book and I mad that I got it from the library and don’t own it (I might’ve written that in the earlier post as well).

Book We Should All Pre-Order on Amazon:
Well, shoot, I don’t know. I don’t usually pre-order books from Amazon. I usually pre-order movie or tv shows. Like I have pre-ordered Arrested Development Season Three and am anxiously awaiting it. But I will tell you what book I would like to read next. It is called Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen. I am sucker for circus stories.

Funny, funny story

So, I was watching The DaVinci Code today and a couple of rows back are a group of people who would not stop talking. It was pretty bad, and what made it worse was that they were describing the movie, I mean talking about really obvious things. At one point I wondered if they had a brought a blind person.

The movie ends, the lights go up and we get up and leave and walk past the loud group. One guy was wearing sun glasses and gets out a cane.

Someone had a brought a blind person.

I started laughing hysterically. Who brings a blind person to a movie? What blind person wants to go to a movie?

I Flew in at the Perfect Time

Man, I am so glad that I traveled last week. I traveled with a lot of liquids. Besides my various liquid toiletries, I came back with four bottles of wine. I would’ve died if they had made me leave behind or pour out my Viognier, or my Cabernet Sauvignon, or my Chenin Blanc, or especially the Chocolate Port that I got for my dad, because if I hadn’t given him that, he would’ve gotten nothing. Terrorists suck. They not only want to kill people and inflict great harm, but they make it hard to travel.

Yum in the Tum

As many of you know I was really excited to go back to the LC because of all the great food. I was not disappointed. I had Mexican food every day, sometimes twice a day (I know I'm crazy). And even though I got some weird looks, I took some pictures of my favorite meals to share with you.

This is my Santa Fe Grill breakfast burrito with egg, potatoes, bacon, cheese and green chile. It was delicious and a little smaller than I remember.



This is the chicken fajita burrito from El Sombrero (The Hat). It had soft onions and green peppers. Oh my, that really brought back memories. I used to eat their all the time.


Here are my tacos from Chillitos. One had ground beef, one had shredded beef, and one had shredded chicken. They deep fry them for just a second. And they serve their salsa in a Coronita bottle. Aren't they clever?


Ok, this is the piece de le resistance. Chile rellenos from Chopes. And of course, my big Tequate. The rellenos were hot towards the top. But that was probably just because my tongue of steel is a little soft now.

Here's a funny little anecdote: my friend asked me if I was bullimic. I guess because I was in the bathroom for a while after every meal. I am not bullimic. My stomach is just not used to the Mexican food.

Ok, here's a little taste (haha) of my trip. Maybe next time I will tell you about my trip to some wineries and how I became a member of a wine club.

Post Vacation, Monday Blues

I had a lot of fun in New Mexico last week, but I was happy to get home. There is nothing like being in your own pleasant smelling home and sleeping in your own bed. Unless, your body is still on vacation time and you only get a couple hours of sleep before going back to work, which, as you've probably guessed, happened to me last night.

I would've taken an Ambien, but I didn't think it would be a problem. I was soooo tired yesterday, but I wouldn't let myself take a nap. I wish I could take a nap right now, because I just as tired. And although I am lucky I did not return to any catastrophes or anything, I wish I had so much to do that I didn't have to think about how tired I am.

Because I'm really tired. And this day is DRAGGING.

Anyhoo, I took lots of pictures and have some funny stories (none of which I can think of right now), and eventually I will share them with you.

YOGA...YOGA

I've decided why I love yoga so much. It is because it is really the only form of exercise that starts with five minutes of sitting and breathing deep with your eyes closed and then ends with five minutes of lying on your back with your eyes closed. I think all exercise should begin and end with some simple meditation and corpse pose.

Last night I finally was able to do boat pose. It's not really a hard pose (you balance on your ass, or "sit bones" and put your legs in the air, and then your arms and you kind of make a "V" with your body), but I've never been able to do it all at once.

I am also getting better at this pose…I forget what it is called, but ok, you bend over and then you keep foot and one hand on the ground and the opposite leg and foot go up into the air and you rotate your torso. So if you did it up against a wall, it would look like you were splattered there or something.

I did a terrible job of explaining that. Maybe when I see you all again I will do it for you. But not while I'm drunk like the last time I showed off my yoga moves. This one needs major, sober concentration.

Have a good weekend y'all.

Can You Feel the Heat?

Spent two hours converting word files into pdf's; my job is soooo glamorous. But did you know you can insert other pdf's documents together and make one big pdf file? How could I not think that Adobe Acrobat has the power to amaze?

It has been humid and gross for two days now. Yesterday was worse because it never really rained. At least today it has already rained. We're actually supposed to get some severe weather. Anyhoo, all this humidity is so not good for my hair. I get Big Texas Hair. In this weather I get Big Texas Hair regardless of the procedure I follow and product I use to avoid Big Texas Hair.

I am craving chips and a cigarette.

And everybody, let's give a hand to Lance Bass for coming out as a gay man. I think we all kind of knew, but it's still a much better idea to come out, then to have to live a secret. Congratulations Lance. Hope you and your boyfriend (who is like, a hundred times hotter than Lance) are happy forever. Or at least for a year or so.

Another Photo Essay (Photos by NephewJack, Essay by Witnesssuzy)

Let's see the world through a four year old's eyes.


First there is his foot on the kitchen floor. He's tan.


Here's his foot on carpet near a vacuum.


Then there is his brother, who is seven.


Then of course is "Daddy"


And wow, 80 degrees. What a pleasant day that was.


Finally, a self-portrait, with the self-portrait function. I don't know why he isn't smiling. He was happy taking pictures.


I would also like to add that later when his six month old cousin came over, NephewJack asked me why I would want to waste my camera on him.

This blog was hard to post...jeesh

Another Monday…sigh. This week is going to go by slow, I just know it. I just have to soldier through. You might be getting a lot of blog entries from me this week. It'll make the time go by faster.

So, I did go and see Strangers with Candy yesterday and it was pretty funny. Not as funny as the show and they left out some elements that I thought would be integral, like the theme song or the line that Jerri Blank said at the beginning of each show about being a boozer, a user and a loser. I think perhaps, they were trying to make a movie that might stand apart from the show. But it was still pretty good and Bilbo Baggins was in it and Sarah Jessica Parker has a nice trashy turn in it. Another cool part about the whole, Strangers with Candy-movie-going-experience was that I got to see a preview for Little Miss Sunshine, which looks awesome, and it uses Sufjan Stevens song, which would probably make any preview awesome.

Speaking of movies, I read a really interesting article. To summarize, it says that people with Netflix seem to watch comedies right away, yet keep really heavy dramas for months unwatched. While I do not keep Netflix dramas around for months (if I haven't watched it in a week, it's going back), I have experienced similar feelings. Take this weekend for example. I received my three movies; Mrs. Henderson Presents, Just Friends, and The Princess and the Warrior. The first two were comedies (although Just Friends wasn't really that funny…it actually kind of sucked) and I watched those almost immediately. The Princess and the Warrior is a German film and although I don't mind subtitles, I wasn't looking so forward to watching it because I would have to think and stay on my toes. So I can see where people who Netflix movies like, Saving Private Ryan and Schindler's List take forever to watch them. Those films might not require you to read throughout, but they do force you into using your heart, which connects to the brain. So you are thinking.

But I decided I was going to watch it. And in the end, I really liked The Princess and the Warrior. And I knew that I would, obviously I put it on my list). In fact, it was a hundred times better than Just Friends.

Too Good to be True...But it Is

Strangers with Candy, the movie version of the totally funny and completely horrible television show is now playing at a theater near me. I would go today, if I hadn't already made plans to go to the museum with a friend who would not like the movie anyway. I would go tomorrow if I wasn't already busy. I'll have to wait until Wednesday.

DAMN MY BUSY LIFE!

Yeah, yeah...bring on the funny.

Witnesssuzy's Book Corner

just got done reading the most amazing book, Spilling Clarence by Anne Urusu. It is about a small town, Clarence, where there is a psychopharmaceutical factory. One day there is an explosion and a drug lingers in the air. It makes everyone remember everything. All of these people's memories come back with complete details. For some, it is a great thing. One woman can remember how awesome her mother was before mental illness set in. For some people, it is horrible. One man goes into a coma after starting to remember all the terrible things in his life. But whether the memories are good or bad, the people in the town all start to deteriorate because everything is so overwhelming.

But that is what makes the book so great, the way the writer writes, you can feel the confusion of each person's memories and how crazy it must feel. I mean, can you imagine; every number, every song, every flower, every smell, EVERYTHING brings back some memory. And this happens all day long.

Anyhoo, this is going in the top five of my favorite books. And it makes me mad is that I don't own it. It was really hard to find. It wasn't sold in the bookstore and all the libraries had copies that were missing or damaged (now missing I understand, people want to keep the awesomeness, but damaged? That's just wrong). I finally got it from the main library downtown after looking for it for two months. I think I might have to just order it from Amazon or something. It's just too good to not have within my reach.