My Time in Alcatraz: A Photo Essay

A view of the island on the way in:

The third place new inmates are sent (after receiving and getting new clothes):

SOLITARY:

The Yard (kind of small, n'est pas?):

A view of San Francisco from Alcatraz:

The "Escape from Alcatraz" heads (pretty much the only reason I went to Alcatraz). If you look very close at the bottom left corner, under the sink, you'll see the hole this inmate dug with a spoon to escape:

An up close of a creepy head. It's made with real hair they stole from the prizon barbershop:

A view of the Golden Gate from Alcatraz:

Celebrating My 30 Years On Earth The Best Way I Could Think Of

My day in Napa Valley was awesome, not just because I enjoy wine, which I of course do. And not just because it was gorgeous, which it was. It was awesome because it was my birthday. I implore you all to visit Napa on a birthday or be with someone on their birthday. It provides a lot of bonuses, that much is for sure.

I had recently been in the mood for champagne, but you can't really just buy a bottle and leisurely sip out of it. But in Napa Valley, I was able to have some tastes of champagne (oh, excuse me, it has to be called sparkling wine in Napa because it isn't Champagne, France).
At the next winery, I tasted a delicious buttery chardonnay and totally got a bottle to bring home. I also got to have my tasting for free.

Then it was on to the Robert Mondavi winery for a tour. It was gorgeous there. Behind the vines were mountains. The tour was great. I learned that the wine country of Northern California began when Spanish missionaries grew grapes in order to make communion wine. I was also able to run out in the vineyard and eat the grapes. They were much, much sweeter than I thought they would be. I had a cabernet grape, a merlot grape, a pinot grape and a chardonnay grape. I saw the big vats and barrels the grapes and then eventual wine is put into.
Our tasting was of three of their reserve (i.e. super fancy wines) and when they heard it was my birthday, the tour guide opened another bottle for more tasting. And then everyone told me happy birthday. (Here's a fun fact; there were two couples in my group who were also named McGuire; one was spelled the correct way (McGuire) and one was spelled the wrong, Tom Cruise way (Maguire). And then we all ended up sitting in a row during the tasting).
By this time, I was pretty tipsy, but we stopped at another winery, where I not only received another free tasting, my friend's tasting fee was super cheap. This is where I got a bottle of red (Cabernet Sauvignion) to go with my white..

At this point, after a ton of wine and really, only lime tortilla chips to eat, I was starving. So we went to dinner. And shared a bottle of Chianti. I had never had Chianti before. After our large dinner, my friend kept saying we should get a dessert. When it came, it had a candle in it, and I guess, after so much wine, I wasn't really thinking much about it, and then I was told to listen and the singer in the corner was quietly singing, "Happy Birthday."
After dinner I felt sick from wine and food and pretty much spent the rest of the evening laying very still.

Happy Birthday to me.

My Uneventful Escape from Alcatraz and How I Lost $11 Worth of Salt Water Taffy

I have returned from SF/Napa Valley. It was honestly the coolest trip I have ever taken and the absolute best way to spend my 30th birthday.

The trip began slightly marred because my head got really plugged up and I could not get my right ear to pop, so while I thought I was shouting, everyone else heard it as slightly above a whisper.

Anyhoo, I made it to Alcatraz, which after all the carrying on I did, people probably thought it was the whole reason I went. It was a beautiful day for a ferry ride to prison. The Alcatraz tour was really cool. It was self-guided so you went at your own pace. I saw the heads that the famous escapees made to fool the guards. I saw solitary confinement. It made me really glad to never be in prison. Living day to day there was torture. They could hear freedom wafting across the bay from SF. Many people's families were told that they were dead. It made me feel a little sorry for them. Until I was riding the ferry back and I realized, they were criminals. They deserved to be in jail. But I liked hearing about it and thought it was interesting all the same.

Then I walked Pier 39. I saw seals. And I bought a clam that was cracked and had a pearl in it. I had the best crab cakes of my life and some clam chowder. And I ended buying a lot of salt water taffy to bring home to my nephews.

My friend, Jen and I found a tour that was on an old trolley car. It took us throughout the city. We saw all the different neighborhoods and the guy pointed out all the different architecture. We saw the Golden Gate up close (fortunately, no one jumped while I was there). We drove through Chinatown and their Little Mexico district. And when the tour was over, when it was dark and raining, the tour guide drove us back to our hotel so we didn't have to fight for a cab. While waiting for the concierge to bring us our bags, I used the restroom. And left my bag of salt water taffy on the back of the toilet. And remembered only when we were on the middle of the Bay Bridge on our way to Oakland. Needless to say, no one got any salt water taffy, not even me.

But honestly, I am not ruining the end of my tale by saying that was the worst thing that happened during my trip. And that wasn't that bad at all.

Return tomorrow (or in a couple of days) when I continue with my actual birthday in the Napa Valley.

Final Thoughts...for a week or so

Tomorrow I am off for my big 30th birthday celebration (I have decided that if I keep saying or writing 30, I might get used to it) and I am getting excited. I will feel better when I am sitting in the terminal. I will feel really good when I am in San Francisco with my bags.

So... a mindless tidbit to get you through:

Have any of you seen "Pushing Daisies?" CUTEST show ever. I just smile through the whole thing. Yeah, it's a little cheesy, but not annoying cheesy, sweet cheesy. And every week there is an interesting murder mystery.

And the lead character is a pie maker, so there are always delicious looking pies on the show. Tonight there was an apple and cheese pie. Even though I am stuffed to the gills with Italian food, the show makes me want an apple and cheese pie.

Ok, I am over and out. Have a good week y'all.

An Early Birthday Celebration

Today I celebrated my birthday with my family because I won't be in town for my actual birthday (a week from today if you're counting). I received some sweet cash for my big trip (see previous post for details), a grabber (which is a story all on it's own for perhaps a later post) and a couple of beautiful homeade cards from my nephews.

Of course when Jack and Logan are around, life is much funnier than normal. Like at one point, the boys, my mom and dad and I are in my mom's room. We don't hang out in the living room like, what I would gather normal families do. The boys wrestle and we wonder who's farting. Until one boy starts kneeing the other one in the head and then all the fun has to go and it gets serious.

And then towards the end of the evening, Logan asks if we can light the candles and enjoy some peace and serenity. I love that an eight year old wants to experience that. So they light a bunch of candle and we all end up (finally) in the living room, all the lights off, enjoying peace and serenity.

Until one boy starts kneeing the other one in the head and all peace and serenity flies out the window.

A City That Unifies

As most of you know, I am going to San Francisco and the Napa Valley next week (Weird! I can't believe I am going next week). San Francisco is a place that everyone loves. It is evident when everyone tells me something I need to do. Among the suggestions are:

>Alcatraz

>The Presidio

>Bike across the Golden Gate Bridge

>Take a bus tour to the four highest points in the city

>The seals

>The biggest Gap ever where clothes are cheaper than any other Gap (Gap was established there in 1969. Read the button of your Gap jeans people!).


I love all the suggestions. And if I had more time, I would still not do them all. But I am definitely going to Alcatraz. I'll probably see some seals (they run wild there, right?). I wouldn't mind going to the Gap, but I probably shouldn't buy a bunch of new clothes (unless I end up spilling some red wine all over the clothes I have and must replace them).


I am also going to eat some ever-lovin super fresh seafood.


And maybe try to score some drugs from the homeless kids the hippies want to kick out of Haight/Ashbury.

It's gonna be GREAT!

When Seredipity Strikes...

...you can't run and you can't hide.

Check this out:

This evening at the grocery store, I saw an aisle that was empty and decided to go down it so that I could get to the other side and it ended up being the light bulb aisle, which I never go down unless I need light bulbs, which I didn't need (or at least I didn't think I needed). But I saw those compact fluorescent light bulbs, those kind that are good for saving energy and money, so I thought, "What the hey" and I bought some to have some spare light bulbs.

After I get home and put away my groceries, I make my way to the living room and turn on my lamp, and boom, the bulb goes out.

ISN'T THAT INSANE?!?!!? I mean, I got the bulbs just in case and then I needed them.

You can't question serendipity, you just gotta go with it.

Oh God, How I Love Will Ferrell

Dreams....or NIGHTMARES?

Every once in a while, since I graduated with my Masters degree, I have a dream that I need to pass an Economics test to graduate and I haven't been to the class all semester.

It' a weird dream to have, after the fact. It's like I am afraid they are going to take my degree away from me.

If you also recall, I sometimes dream about Ralph Fiennes (it's not romantic, he's my friend in the dreams). I dreamt about him again the other night after a long time without dreaming of him. In this dream we went up to a snack bar at a pool and I ordered a beer and he was with me and said, "You'll like that one, it's like Miller Light."

Dreams are so weird.

Pens in Restaurants

I saw a super awesome movie last night. It was called Once, and it took place in Dublin and there was music and a sweet love story, but not like cheesy, and basically I recommend it to everyone.



After the movie, Jen A. and I went to the Brewhouse for some brews and loaded fries and at the end of the night, the bartender brings the receipts and some pens to sign said receipts. I don't know what happened, but I grabbed a pen and it flew through my fingers and back behind the bar and I think it might've landed behind something inconvenient. And I was embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as when the bartender comes over and says, "Was there another pen? Did I see it fall behind something back here?" Man, I was totally called out and totally apologized, but I don't think it mattered.



It reminded me of a time (and I think Laura was there) at Jeds and the waitress had a green pen that had green ink and I switched my similar looking green pen that had black ink with the green inked pen and the waitress was like, "Is that my pen?" What is it with me and pens and restaurants? It's a compulsion, a sickness perhaps. I don't know.

Should've Trusted My Gut

I said I wouldn't do it. But then I went out to dinner with my friend Molly and had a couple of margaritas and well, my good sense was down I guess.


I watched the Addison show (Private Practice).


And I know I am probably going to be in the minority, but this show sucks. I knew what was going to happen way before it happened.


And didn't another woman play her black best friend before?


And this Addison is not the Addison from Grey's Anatomy. She's too insecure and neurotic.


I am never going to drink margaritas on Wednesday again. It only leads to crappy television.

Tuesday Tidbits

The other day I was at a bar with Ashley and this guy starts talking to us. Him and Ashley talk and talk and talk about planes. And the first question he asks me is if I have kids. What is up with that? I mean, is it just me, or does that sound like a totally weird question to ask? He didn't even ask me if I was married or had a boyfriend first. That question came after the kids question. And it has actually bothered me a lot. And I think it has bothered probably more than it should, but let's face it, I am kind of neurotic. I mean, I can't be perfect all the time.

And here's a reminder (not that any of you faithful readers need one) The Office starts THIS Thursday at 9 pm Eastern time. Be there or be square. I watched some preview scenes on nbc.com and it looks pretty funny.

The Office coming back has made me realize that summer went by really fast. And it still feels like summer. It's been so warm I hadn't thought to even notice the leaves changing, but they are. I think today is the last war day though. But who knows, it could be super warm again in October and again November. Nature and weather are weird.

Jimmy Johns and Me: A Perfect Family

I had a beach club today for the first time in...well, I don't know. I can't even remember the last time I ate Jimmy John's, but it doesn't matter. Because it still tasted really good.

I am sad that it is Sunday evening already and the weekend is coming to an end. I hate Monday through Friday.

But I do have Clive Owen in Gosford Park to make the evening more bearable.

I love Clive Owen.

There's An Awards Show On...Yay

Ok, so we all know I love award shows and tonight is a good one. It's the Emmy's which are the tv award and we all love tv right?

Well good news so far...Locke won!!!! I thought that dude from The Sopranos was going to win, but it was Locke...hooray.

Izzie from Grey's Anatomy won. I was never a huge Izzie fan, but I like her with George. And I thought Knocked Up was super funny.

Yay, Conan O'Brien won. I like his show and I am excited for when he takes over for Jay Leno.

Anchorman is on! Not that that is
Emmy related, but I like having something fun to watch when the Emmy's get boring.

"LOUD NOISES"

"That's baby making music, that's what that is."

Ari from Entourage wins. Laura tells me that I am going to grow to like Ari, but I would've rather seen Drama win.

Ryan Seacrest is such s douchebag.

Alec Baldwin didn't win. What the...?!?!?!

30 Rock won! 30 Rock won!

Good night everyone, stay classy world.

The Baboon Knee

So my mom is now kind of like the bionic woman with her fake knee. She didn't seem bionic though, she just seemed really, really high. She starts her physical therapy tomorrow. They don't fuck around. They rip your leg in half and a day later they are like, "WALK!"

Anyhoo, I was in Atlanta for about 27 hours. I saw the CNN center. I also saw a Chinese guy smoking in the convention center. It was hot. Supposedly I was from Chattanooga, OK, but that's another story for another time, which is probably never.

Ah, it feels like fall. I was sad to see summer go, but apparently it is going to be back in the 80's next week. Hooray for global warming.

Let the Season of all Things Pumpkin Begin

Headstands and Bandstands

Yesterday I was at yoga and you want to know something? I am much closer to doing a handstand than I thought. I am going to practice and maybe in a few months I will be able to do it and totally impress everyone!



I thought I would shuffle through my iPod shuffle and bring you 10 songs again. I thought it would be funny if they were the same 10 songs from last week, but they're not.

1. Summer Time by Sublime.

2. One by U2.

3. Under Pressure by Queen and David Bowie.

4. Under the Blacklight by Rilo Kiley.

5. Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

6. Be Your Love by Rachel Yamamgata

7. Cos it Already Is by Pete Yorn

8. I've Seen it All by Feist

9. Hard Knock Like by the little girl who played Annie in the movie Annie

10. It Ain't Me Babe by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon as Johnny Cash and June Carter.



Have a good weekend y'all.

Tired Just Thinking About It

I am already looking forward to next weekend. No, not this coming weekend, the weekend after. I have a really crazy 10 days or so coming up. First of all, I have a bridal shower on Friday. I am really only going to know the bride at this one, so I'll be that awkward, odd-person out. But they are serving wine, so that's something.


On Saturday is the Black Swamp Festival. I might look more forward to this if I lived there and could walk, but I don't live there and I have to drive and well, I might back out this one.


Monday and Tuesday I will be in Atlanta for the National Glass Show. I am really not looking forward to this. It was sprung on me and I feel as though I was kind of guilted into going. And I have to be on a 6:30 am flight Monday morning. But I did get some new clothes, so at least I will look good.


And finally, on Wednesday, my mom has her knee replacement surgery. It should be no big deal, but the last time she had surgery that wasn't any big deal, she had complications and got seriously sick. So as you might've guessed, I am a little nervous.


I am already tired.

Let's Start the Weekend Off With a Bang

Here's a fun game that gets to know me a little better.

I turned on my iPod and the following are the ten songs that played.

1. "Let Go" by Frou Frou. Dumb band name, good song.
2. "I Try" by Macy Gray. This song makes me think of my Spring Break in New Orleans.
3. "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheaton. I always thought this song was sung by a girl, but then I actually listened to the words and I think it is sung by a guy with a high pitch voice.
4. "Breathe" by Sia. Very dramatic.
5. "Neon Bible" by Arcade Fire. This whole album is also very dramatic.
6. "Song 2" by Blur. Fast.
7. "Song for Karen" by Sonic Youth. A punk rock song about Karen Carpenter
8. "Sissyneck" by Beck. My most favorite Beck song. "I got a stolen wife and a rhinestone life and some good old boys."
9. "Where is my Mind" by The Pixies. Just plain good.
10. "Runnin Down a Dream" by Tom Petty. What list is complete without Tom Petty.

Have a good weekend y'all.

I am Glad This Fad Did Not Last

Just Try to Remember That You are Really, Really Good Looking, Hansel

This morning I read that Owen Wilson had been in an accident and was hospitalized. I clicked on the story thinking that he had been in a car accident. I was not prepared for the fact that it was supposedly a suicide attempt. I was really shocked. I mean, really shocked.

I guess it was weird because just last week I came across an article about this couple. She was a writer and had developed video games for girls in the 1990’s and he was an artist who had designed some album covers for Beck. In early July he had come home to find her dead. She had killed herself with Tylenol PM’s and Bourbon. A week later he drowned himself.

Suicide, in addition to being tragic and devastating, is really weird. I mean, all of these people were successful; how could their lives be so bad that they would want to end them. But how could anyone’s lives be so bad they would want to end them? How did killing oneself become an actual option?

Life is weird, I guess. But I am still living, and that’s apparently something.

The Reader I Am

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Literate Good Citizen You read to inform or entertain yourself, but you're not nerdy about it. You've read most major classics (in school) and you have a favorite genre or two.
Book Snob
Dedicated Reader
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

A Self-Portrait...

of Jack and me on the occasion of his sixth birthday party.

Priceless

Have you seen the Mastercard commercial where the little boys are wearing backpacks and dancing to "We've got the funk?"

I love it. It makes me giggle every time I see it.

Small Stuff

I've discovered that it is not just midget and dwarf people that weird me out a little, it is midget and dwarf grapes also. They are tart and gross, just like midget and dwarf people.

Just kidding. I actually don't know if midget and dwarf people are tart and gross. They might be sweet and clean for all I know.

I also don't like dwarf or midget cars because they make me think there is an open parking space and there isn't. It makes me want to kick them, just like midget and dwarf people.

Just kidding, I wouldn't kick a midget or dwarf person. To be honest, I probably wouldn't get close enough to kick them.

Suzy at One With Nature

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I discovered a really awesome bike train this summer. It's not just long and flat; it has some hills and dips and curves. It gets me really close to nature. On Sunday I rode my bike with a butterfly by my side for some of the ride. He was my friend.

I also see lots of deer. They are really skinny. I saw a really, really skinny one yesterday. I bet Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows was thicker than this deer. And after seeing all these deer, I don't understand why hunters actually have to hunt. I mean, come on, they're just running in front of me. I could totally shoot one if I had or gun, or really wanted to.

And this bike trail connects and interlaces with horse trails. Yesterday, I was just riding along, minding my own business and I perpendicularly passed a horse and it's rider. I guess I kind of spooked the horse because it looked as though the rider had to work to control it. What the heck? You would think these horses would be used to bike riders. Anyhoo, to make a long story short, I almost saw a horse kill a person yesterday.

This is why I don't like horses, they are killers.

Tidbits to Get You Through the Weekend

"To alcohol, the cause and solution of all life's problems." - Homer Simpson.

I just thought I would start my blog with one of my favorite Simpsons quotes because the Simpsons movie comes out today. Did you know that they turned some 7-11's into Kwik-E Marts. I totally would've gone to one but the closest one to this area is Chicago. And I don't like the Simpsons enough to travel to Chicago to go to a Kwik-E mart.

This weekend I am going to Ann Arbor to go to World Market. I love World Market. It's so exotic and international. I am going to get coffee beans! Hooray for beans.

In other news, I got a new phone. My old phone broke in half while I was trying to make a phone call. So I got one of those LG's that plays music. My niece says it looks like an iPod. Anyhoo, it has all of these features...music, television...and I probably won't use any of them. Well maybe I will. I should never say never. But it just seems complicated. Actually, it's probably not complicated, I am probably just lazy. And I tell you, I've been really lazy lately.

Oh, oh, oh, I have to tell you all this. Last night I was at the grocery store and you want to know what I saw...Alouette Light. So of course I had to buy it and try it out. And it tasted just like the regular. There really isn't much difference in calorie count; 50 vs. 80, but it's one of those things where if you are counting calories, every bit helps right?

Alright. I want everyone to have a nice weekend. And just think a week from this weekend, three of us will be seeing each again! Yay.

I am going to talk about Harry Potter...READ at YOUR own RISK!

I was really, really sad when I read the last page. It all of a sudden occured to me, there was nothing to look forward to now (in terms of Harry Potter, not my life).

I want to start with the few things I didn't like. And by no means did the following ruin the book for me; I was just like, whatever.

1. The scene at the end where Dumbledore explains everything to Harry. I guess we needed it, but it seemed sooo heavy handed.
2. Uh, why didn't Harry, Ron, Ginny, or Hermione name their kid Fred?
3. Speaking of Fred...I was not expecting all the death. Mad Eye, Lupin, Tonks, Dobie, Snape, Fred, and of course Voldemort. Well, I was kind of expecting Voldemort, but there was still a lot of death. I thought Rowling said two characters? LIAR!
4. And going back to number 2, speaking of the future, why didn't she tell us what they do? Who is the headmaster of Hogwarts?
5. Didn't you think that Harry's aunt had something more important to play in the overall story? I mean, I thought that was hinted at in an earlier book.
6. And lastly, I didn't not like this, but when Ron left, I was SOOO angry. I felt horrible for Hermione.

But to move on to what I loved...
1. That when Hermione and Ron finally had their moment (or at least the first one we knew about anyway) that it was kind of steamy. I always knew Hermione had it in her.
2. When Harry summoned his mom and dad and Sirius and Lupin to walk with him to what he thought was his death.
3. The final battle at Hogwarts. It rocked.

I thought it was a good ending overall. I liked how all the major characters from previous books made some sort of appearance.

Don't you think this will make a kick ass movie?

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter! Harry Potter!

So have ya'll caught Harry Potter fever yet? I am on the verge. I am picking up my book on Saturday. I thought for a second of going on Friday, but it sounds like way too much work. Anyhoo, I get my book on Saturday and I may not do anything else for the rest of the weekend. I may just read and read and read. I want to savor the last experience and yet I want to know what happens. I think my desire to know what happens will win out. I've also been avoiding anything on the internet that has to do with Harry Potter. I do not want any spoilers.

I think I am going to go see the new movie this week too. I want to feel caught up on everything.

I also tried to get my mother to buy me Harry, Hermione and Ron action figures. She said no.

Well, everyone if, I don't talk to you again this week, Happy Harry Potter-ing!

For most of my life, I have not liked tomatoes. I have liked tomato flavored things like ketchup or tomato sauce for spaghetti, but never actual tomatoes. I never liked the texture. It seemed weird.

I have gotten better with age. I discovered I liked them on my pizza. Someone told me to eat them with fresh mozzarella and balsamic vinegar. I learned to like BLT's.Over the weekend I was having dinner at my parents house and my mom put out a plate of tomato slices and I decided I was going to have one. And I liked it. I thought it was very tasty.

So tasty that I actually bought some tomatoes and have been slicing them up and having them with my dinner.

I still don't really like them in salads or sandwiches, and I don't really like them cut into wedges, but I feel like a whole new person here. First it was mushrooms, then onions, now tomatoes. I wonder what other vegetables I should try?

Jack Tale #276

Last year Jack liked to run around naked yelling, "Penis Man!"

As he's grown, he's become more modest.

Now he runs around in his underwear yelling, "Underware Man!"

My mother is convinced that he's going to grow up to be a flasher.

Post 4th of July

4th of July in the middle of the week is dumb. I drank too many beers in the hot sun. And then I was tired. So I went to bed at 9:30 pm. I read until 10 and fell into a deep sleep. Until 10:20 when I thought I heard noises that sounded like someone was trying to break into my apartment. But it was actually fireworks.

That is how I lame I am on the 4th of July. I thought fireworks were a burglar.

I Guess I Have a Case of the Mondays or Whatever

Yes, yes it was serendipitous that my power came on exactly as I got home on Friday. But this morning it did me no good. I forgot to reset all of my important alarms. So my alarm clock went off a good half an hour before I usually wake up and I was sleeping GOOD. And my coffee brewed at midnight instead of its time. That actually makes it two work days in a row that I have not had coffee at home. Friday, it went off, but I had forgotten to put the grounds in, so I had hot water.

And today, I forgot to brush my teeth. I am pretty sure I have never done that. I ate an apple because apples apparently help bad breath (another good reason to eat apples) and brushed them while I am at home for lunch.

I think it is the screwy work week. I have Wednesday off. So it's like two little mini-weeks or something.

Serendipitous

Earlier this evening, I was getting ready to go out and was in the shower and my power went out. Thankfully I had less than hour before I was to leave and was sure it would be back on before I got home. I mean, my neighbors are old ladies; I knew that they weren't going to let this go on all night.

But when I came back nearly 4 hours later, it still wasn't on when I pulled in. There was no lights on inside and none of the parking lot lights were on. But as I was walking up the stairs, struggling to find my apartment key, the lights went on. Perfect timing, huh?

But, my question is this: is the food in my fridge bad? It didn't feel hot inside and the beer I pulled out to drink wasn't warm at all. It wasn't freezing cold, but it was drinkable. I am not sure. I do know I have a lot of good food in my fridge. I hope it isn't bad.

Fish...Yay or Nay?

Did you know that some male fish are taking on female characteristics due to water pollution? Weird, and kind of gross. A couple of weeks ago I wanted to go swimming in a lake, but I think I am ok not doing that. In my head it goes like this: I go for a lovely afternoon swim and I come out and all of a sudden I care way too much about sports. And I can't pick up after myself (I admit here, I am stating stereotypes). Or worse, I come out of the lake with a penis.

You want to know what are awesome. Japanese bread crumbs. They are kind of like the breading used on coconut shrimp. You want to know what sounds awesome. Coconut shrimp. I wonder if I should place an order at Red Lobster.

Wait a minute…should I get shrimp? What if the males have female characteristics? Is it ok to eat hermaphrodite shrimp? Do shrimp have a sex?

Damn my inquisitive nature.

Who Knew?

Apparently every sport has its own dangers.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20043882,00.html

Weekend

I'm tired and my body hurts. I feel like I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. I think instead of going to the gym, I am going to go home straight away after work and lay around for the rest of the evening. I should probably go to the grocery store, but I don't want to do that either. A smoothie sounds good. Maybe I will get one of those on my way home.

I had a golf lesson yesterday, hence my body hurting. It was awesome though. The couple of tips he gave me helped immensely. I was hitting the ball straight AND far. Hooray.

I fell out of bed yesterday morning. I rolled over to get out of bed, but I was too close to the edge and just rolled out and onto the floor. I don't remember ever falling out of bed before. Although it is funny in hind site, it is kind of jarring first thing in the morning.

Saturday I was almost run over by a stroller while I was at an art fair. And the woman said, "Wow, I got really close." Not, "sorry" or "excuse me." "Wow, I got really close." Like she was trying to hit me; like I was two points or something. And the people I was with said it did look like she was aiming for me. I hate mothers and strollers. I want to yell, "You are not entitled; people should not bow down to you because you have given birth." I mean really, millions of women give birth every day. It's not that special. I have not given birth, I think that sounds more special.

Oh and speaking of kids and mothers and the art fair. I went to the bathroom and this little boy had pooped his pants. He asked his mother if he was going to have to go the shed. The mother looked mortified and said that he just shouldn't poop his pants. I mean, I know kids say the "darndest things," but you have to wonder about a little boy who is afraid he has to go to a shed for punishment.

See what I mean about needing a weekend for me weekend?

Post Cards

This is going to be a very good year for postcards for me. Norman has already sent me around 10 (I don't know the exact number off the top of my head) detailing her trip to the Bay Area of California. Laura is (or had better) send me one from Hawaii. And Jeannie said she would send me one from Ireland.

I should put together a coffee table book of all the postcards I have received. I have a lot.

Would you all buy a coffee table book of all the postcards I have ever received?

It's Father's Day

I got my dad a pumpkin plant. I figure, he plants lots of weird things, why not try a pumpkin. And because I love pumpkin flavored things and I thought he would think it is funny. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh and I making a blackberry cobbler. I've never made a blackberry cobbler before. I'll let you know how that goes too.

Speaking of dad's, my dad in particular, the other day I went over to my parent's house and my dad had got me a new golf bag. How sweet is that?

The same day I went to my parents house, I went back to a yoga class I went to religiously last summer. I don't know if you remember, but this was the class that I loved, but the woman sometimes had us do partner poses, which I really, really did not love. So after nearly nine months of not going, I go, and she has us do partner poses. Or at least the other people did. I high-tailed it out of there.

I went for my first bike ride of the year yesterday and my ass hurts today.

I am most certainly turning a golden brown. I attended the Jazz Fest yesterday and it was hot and sunny. And fun. And I am the perfect shade to show for it.

I have one last thought for you, and it comes courtesy of a Snapple cap:

"A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon."

Interesting, n'est pas?

Enjoy your Sunday's with your dads y'all.

In Eight Weeks...

I lost

• 4 lbs.
  
• 4.6% body fat
  
• 9 inches

He-yeah!

I did gain a half an inch in each of my arms, but I was told to think of it as gaining strength.

Seriously, check out how freakishly big my tricep looks while Laura and I try to shut this shark's mouth:

Bad News

I just heard on the news that farmers in Mexico are burning their blue agave fields so they can grow corn to meet the US's growing demand for ethanol. You all know what blue agave makes right? Tequila. So all you margarita lovers might want to stock up with a few extra bottles while you can so you can enjoy your favorite drinks when you want them.

My Parking Lot is Weird

Last night, there was a car in my parking lot. It was a white Thunderbird, but an older Thunderbird, from like, 1980's. All of a sudden it starts blaring, "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," but not the classic rendition by (I believe) The Righteous Brothers, but the cheesy 80's version by Hall and Oats. And this guy in the white Thunderbird had his door open and his leg propped up against it and all of a sudden starts singing along with it; really jamming out. I watched, first from inside my apartment, but then I needed to get closer, I needed to see this guy stuck in 1980's. He had frosted blond highlights.

You know how there was the movie, ET and then there was the cheaper, not as good alien movie, Mac and Me around the same time? I thought I was watching the Mac and Me version of Top Gun or something.

In other news, my tagline for the company I work for, "Bring Down the Curtain," was trademarked. I don't know if it is actually that important to be the author of a trademarked phrase, but it feels kind of exciting. Can I list it on my resume? How do I do that?

I Forget

Last week I told you how I forgot to set up my coffee. Well that was just the first in a line of forgetfulness. One day I forgot to set my coffee again, but I noticed in enough time to let it brew. One day I forgot to bring my bottle of water, which was really awful because I like to drink water and a lot of it, and our office is next to a waste management plant and I don't really like to drink the water there. It, for obvious reasons, tastes funny. I've also forgotten miscellaneous office things, which are too boring to list, so I've been leaving myself post-it notes everywhere and writing on my hand. Currently, my hand says "Rent" which is reminding me to pay it today. My kitchen has a note that says "Call Ashley and go to library." And my desk has a note telling me to print something, which reminded me that I needed to print something, so did that post-it note fail?

I saw "Knocked Up." It was hilarious, I highly recommend it. Tonight I am going to see a movie called "Waitress." Last Friday I saw the third "Pirates" movie. Three movies in one week; I'm getting a little movie crazy. Speaking of movies, I did not realize that the next Harry Potter movie is coming out this summer (July 11 to be exact). I didn't think it was coming out until the fall. July is definitely going to be Harry Potter month. I can't wait.

My mom has to get knee replacement surgery. Apparently she will not be getting a baboon's knee which I thought would've been cool, but some sort of porceline or something. And then pretty much right after my mom is healed, my dad has to get a hip replacement (maybe he'll get a baboon's hip). All of these replacements are due to arthritis. It appears to me that getting old sucks. I am going to enjoy being young for as long as I can. And you all should too.


Have a good, young weekend

Something for the Holiday

I completely remember taking off my glasses last night before I went to sleep. I remember because it was dark when I took them off and when I put them on my nightstand, they were half on a book and half on an actual nightstand. However, in the middle of the night, I woke up with my glasses on. This isn't the first time this has happened. It makes me wonder what I do in my sleep.

I also forgot to set up my coffee last night, which I hardly ever do. And by the time I went to get my cup, it was too late to make some. And the coffee I stopped and got left a weird taste in my mouth. I just hope this isn't a foreshadowing of the weekend to come.

Some of you know the little in and out mart down the street that I often go to. I like it. They have a nice selection of beer, they sell my current favorite drink, Cran-Razz Xyience, and they are pretty nice. It's kind of ghetto…ok, so it's really ghetto, but it doesn't bother me. Although maybe it should; I swear the other night I saw two super trashy girls buy crack pipes. It was bizarre. And it took forever, and all I wanted to do was buy a green tea.

I think I am going to go see the movie, Knocked Up at a special preview screening next week. A friend of mine got passes and asked if I wanted one. Hopefully it all works out because I really want to see that movie and to see it free would be even better.

A few other announcements:

I polled two thirds of my audience here and they loved the Lost season finale. I agree with them and I think I speak for all of us when I say we are sad we have to wait so long to see more.

Everyone congratulate Norman because she cut the ties and let her dissertation fly free into Ohio Link.

Also, have a wonderful holiday weekend ya'll. Enjoy the nice weather if you've got it.

Delish Dish

Ok, everyone, go and get an eggplant, two tomatoes, one cup of feta cheese and 4 tbsp of plain yogurt (it can even be low fat if you like). Go ahead, I'll wait while you do this.









Ok, now that you've got all of these things, take the eggplant, slice it, sprinkle olive oil over the slices and sprinkle with salt. And then wait 30 minutes. And you might as well pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees.



Now that you have waited 30 minutes, rinse off the eggplant and then put it in a shallow baking dish that has been coated with cooking spray. Then take your two tomatoes and slice and lay over the eggplant. Then take your cup of feta cheese and sprinkle over the eggplant and tomatoes. Then take your 4 tbsp of plain yogurt and spread on top, over the eggplant, tomatoes and feta, and salt and pepper to taste. Then pop it in the oven to cook for 30 minutes or until yogurt is bubbly and brown.

Do all of this and, trust me, your mouth will thank you. It is delicious. And low calorie too. It makes four servings and each serving is only 95 calories. I made it for the first time last night and almost died it was so good. I am going to make it again this weekend. And right now is a good time to make it: eggplant is in season.

Oh and Happy Last Lost Day Until 2008 Ya'll!

And That's What We Call Stealing the Spotlight

My brother was telling me about the program Jack's school put on. Jack's class sang a song. And Jack sang louder than everyone else, was ahead of everyone else in the song and swayed back and forth while the others stood still.

I still laugh just thinking about it.

If They Mated....

If I had a baby with the awesome Paul Rudd, this is what it would look like:

It's weird that my baby has sprouted a weird patch of hair from it's forehead. Maybe it's one of those placenta babies Norman told me about.

Ten Foods

There are 10 foods that hard to digest for various reasons to numerous to list here according to the food person on MSN.

Chicken Nuggets – Of course chicken nuggets are my favorite food on the menu at McDonalds.

Spicy Foods – Of course I love spicy foods. And the real spicy food, none of the Midwestern bullshit people think is spicy. I am talking about real flavor.

Chocolate Brownies – This just makes me think of the delicious Butterfinger Brownie my local Borders serves. I love it.

Citrus Juices – Finally, one I am safe from. Except when I drink margaritas with my spicy food.

Mashed Potatoes – I have pretty much given up eating potatoes for caloric reasons (of course, I do eat them from time to time). But mashed potatoes are good.

Raw Onion – AWESOME. I only like my onions cooked really soft!

Ice Cream – My goodness, this list is awful un-American. What next, apple pie?

Apple Pie – HA! Just kidding.

Raw Broccoli – I don't mind broccoli, it's not my favorite. I do like cooked with a little butter and lemon juice.

Beans – Another one that I feel pretty good about because I am not a big bean person. Unless they are smothered in something. Or refried. To go with my spicy foods and citrus juice based margaritas.

I thought for sure bagels were going to be on the list because bagels are notoriously hard to digest. I probably still have some of the bagel I ate in March in my stomach.

In other, non-food related news, one of my best friends from college and former roommate, Patti, had her baby. Ripley weighed 8 lbs, 8 oz. It still blows my mind that my friends are mothers and fathers.

Sunday Musings

Every time I hear a car alarm go off, I hope the car is being broken into. I cannot think of a more annoying invention.

I got an aloe plant yesterday so now I will be able to heal myself like Claire on Heroes.

"Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore? Quite possibly the third worst movie ever made. Number one: Marie Antoinette. Number two: Crazy/Beautiful. Interesting that those both star snaggle-toothed Kirsten Dunst. (I hate Kirsten Dunst)

It's a nice day out. Sunny. A little chillier than warm. I should probably ride my bike or go to the driving range, but I just want to read and eat chips and salsa. So that's what I am going to do.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, ya'll.

Eating Out

Friday, A and I watched 20/20. I wanted to watch it because the DC Madam was supposed to spill all her secrets. Well, she either has not secrets or wasn't really spilling because it wasn't as exciting as they made it out to be. But we did see a story about why you shouldn't eat out on a Monday. It's because they recycle leftovers from the weekend and this can be really problematic when it comes to fish. Oh, and they put new wait staff out on their own on Monday's, so you might not get as good of service.

So A and I went out to dinner last night and we laughed because we had just watched that 20/20. And sure enough, there was a fish entrée on special (and although normally it might have sounded good, I just couldn't order it last night.

But the waiter was HOT. His name was Pete. I think he was Australian. He wasn't so bad a waiter. He did wrap my dinner before A was even done with hers. I say he has what it takes and after a few weeks of practice, he'll be working on a Tuesday with no problem. And besides, he was hot and had a hot accent; that's all he really needs to make it.

And Jan, It's Not Me, It's You

This morning I tried a Taco Bell breakfast burrito. I got the sausage one and it was ok. I look forward to trying the guacamole breakfast burrito next time, whenever that may be. Then I stopped and got a Cran-Razz Xyience. Those really are so addictive. I think I am glad you can't buy them by the case because I would drink them constantly and go broke. It's better I only get a couple a week.

I was working and I picked up my arm and there was red ink near my wrist. I have absolutely no idea how it got there. I guess I brushed up against a red pen, but I look at the red pen on my desk and I look at my wrist and I can't figure out how they could make contact. But this sort of thing happens to me all the time. I have ink all over my hands and arms. Sometimes I find ink on my clothes. People must think I work for a newspaper, in the bowels of the building where they actually print the paper.

I can't believe I just wrote bowels as a term for basement. And actually, even though I have a degree in journalism, I am not sure if newspapers are printed in the basement. That's how I picture it though. I suppose some do.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.

Spring Fever

I love it when the weather is nice.

I spent much of Saturday outside reading. I broke out my lounge chair in a bag so I could get really comfortable. It was awesome. My goal this summer is to just spend more time outside, so hopefully I am off to a good start.

Before I could read outside however, I needed to get some books, so I went to the library downtown and had to parallel park, which I did perfectly because Norman taught me how when she was here a couple of weeks ago. Almost 14 years of driving and my eyes have been opened. I am going to start driving around just looking for places to parallel park.

I got some new pants; some khakis that actually fit.

Yesterday I got sun burnt sitting outside talking with my family. It's up towards the top of my arms and there is a perfect line from where my shirt sleeve was. And there is a stripe of burn on my leg. My face looks nicely colored. That's because I use moisturizer with SPF in it.

Another Monday.

Colons Just Seemed So Today

One piece of advice for you all: don't eat the Kashi Peanut Butter Granola Bars. They have 4g of fiber and 5g of protein and I think that is all I can taste.

I read something very disturbing on the Internet this morning. I read that Alec Baldwin wants to leave "30 Rock" so he can devote more time to his custody battle and that he doesn't want the show to be affected by his negative reputation. This is what I wanted to do out loud when I read it:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I didn't think any differently of AB when I read about his voicemail tirade to his daughter. He was probably frustrated and lost his temper. He's a parent; they lose their tempers. My parents used to get mad and yell pretty comparable things to what AB told his daughter. Do they feel bad when it's done? Yes, but whatever. The only difference between my parents and AB is that they didn't have their comments on tape and released to the public.

I don't want this to take away my favorite show. Apparently he's got a contract for next year and they won't release him, but I want more than just next year. I want years and years of Alec Baldwin and "30 Rock."

I am going to make a t-shirt that says:

I Support Alec Baldwin
(which is really supporting "30 Rock", but I still like Alec Baldwin)

And You Don't Think Politics and Chinese Food Could Mix

David Moyer's said Monday in an interview with Terri Gross on Fresh Air that, "…skepticism was suspended in that time of trauma." He was speaking of how the media was more trusting of our government following 9/11 and into the beginning of the war. I just thought that was an interesting way to put it. I never suspended my skepticism of our government. I probably never will. Not even when the complete idiot leading our country now is replaced with someone I might like. I think our government, no matter who's in charge, is dangerous.

Ok, that's enough about politics, I just thought the quote was interesting.

Today at the gym, I am going to do one of those routines…I can't think of the name but it is when you go slow for a few minutes, the medium, then fast, then medium, then slow, then fast. It makes you burn a lot of calories in a short amount of time, and you burn a lot more calories even after you are done. So I am going to give it a try. I like not having to be at the gym so much. Laura told me over the weekend that she actually likes working out. I may like the benefits and I may feel good after, but I never really like doing it.

Do you believe those rumors about Chinese food actually being made with cat? I don't think I do, but I like Chinese food and hate cats, so I don't really care. In fact, now I am totally in the mood for Chinese food.

Happy Lost Day Y'All.

36 Hours

What a crazy couple of days. Norman came back to Ohio for a whopping 36 hours. But it was an important 36 hours; you can now call her Dr. Norman. And if you have any questions about post 9/11 theory or trauma rhetoric, you should ask her. She can give you answers. Just don't ask her about risk management theory, because that's just a dumb question. Or about the show " Jericho," because she doesn't like that show as much as "Lost," Heroes," and "24."

It was weird to go back to BG because I saw a lot of people I knew, and a lot of pregnant women. I was afraid to get too close, I didn't want to catch it. And I drank bottled water in case it was catching through the water.

And then I sent Norman home this morning around 5. I thought, the earlier the better. No, actually the early part was all Norman's idea, and she may have regretted it a little when she woke up a little hung over and with only like, 2 hours of sleep. But she'll get home and hit the hay early tonight I am sure. And I think I might too, even though I got a little more sleep than she did.

I think I am going to start saying "hit the hay" more often. Much like I have been using some form of f*ck. I realized yesterday that I describe things as "f*cking" a lot. When did it become my favorite adjective? I mean, I swear, but it just seemed like that has been my favorite word lately.

Ok, so I am going to relax a little for the next day and a half or so and then it is round two of friends coming. Laura will be here for…well…probably only about 36 hours too.

My Day Thus Far

It's a good thing I don't really see many people during the day because I noticed I was wearing a dirty shirt.

I am feeling better (knock on wood). The cough is almost gone. My nose is still stuffy and alternately runny, but I would rather have that than a cough and a sore throat.

I got the most awesome pair of tennis shoes last night. They are gray and pink. I tried to find a picture of them, but I couldn't. Anyhoo, if the two of you who regularly read this want to know what they look like, I can show you both next week. That's awesome.

I am going to go wash my sink. It's dirty.

Psychology and Nutrition

Here's what I'm think: how can you actually diagnose a child with Tourette's Syndrome? I mean, all kids say weird, inapproriate stuff all the time. They look at people weird and make weird noises and don't really know how to control themselves. It seems to me as though they all have Tourette's Syndrome.

I bought a king size bag of M&M's today and I am 98% sure that you are really only getting about three more M&M's than a regular bag. What the frick, man? I am now officially peeved enough that I may never buy another bag of M&M's, neither regular or king sized, again. Now will some one be kind enough to remind me of that when I want M&M's again.

Currently obsessed with poached eggs. Love them.

And I tried cabbage rolls for the first time on Easter and I gotta say: loved them.

Now, I am off to see if my heat is turned up because I am hot.

Good day.

I said, good day.

Random Memory Day

When I was in college, I tripped out on some acid on the 4th of July. After the fireworks, my friend Ryan and I were still hanging out outside and this girl came up. I totally forget her name, but she lived up the street and was a little younger than the rest of us and had been sleeping with our friend Mark and she was trouble with a capital T. While she was sleeping with Mark, she was also sleeping with her ex-boyfriend, Clint (I don't know why I remember his name) and about a month before the 4 th of July, she told them both she was pregnant and wanted money for an abortion.

Anyhoo, she came up and she was wasted and mad at Clint, whom she had gotten back together with (and I think she might've been still pregnant…but later we all wondered if that was true at all). She saw her ex-boyfriend walking up the street and she ran into the house. Clint came up and he was wasted too and he looked sad and he asked if we could tell her that he was outside and he wanted to talk to her. Ryan went in to find the girl and I stayed outside with Clint and all of a sudden, Clint bursts into tears and starts telling me how much he loved her and how he just wanted to be with her and how he would forgive her for anything. And then the girl comes out and she starts yelling at him that she hates him and to leave her alone and he yells back that he loves her. Eventually he walks away and she runs after him and they go home.

And I can't even imagine what Ryan and I looked like, but I am sure our eyes were almost completely bugged out and our jaws were probably on the floor, because remember, we were TRIPPING OUT ON ACID.

The girl would eventually move away, but I would see Clint again and he would always be soooo nice to me. I feel kind of bad in hind-site, because there he was crying and pouring his heart out to me and I was totally tripping out. I told that story to Mark several years later. He of course, hated Clint for obvious reasons. But he would say, "Well, at least he was nice to you."

I don't know why I thought of that today.

Bleh

For the past few weeks I have been spelling female, femail. I usually notice and fix it, but I can't stop doing it.

I drank too much last night. I drank too much and then didn't drink any water or eat a snack or anything that I would usually do to make a work day more workable. And I am paying for it today. I wouldn't say it's a horrendous hangover, just a dull ache. And I had to go to the gym today to get my health assessment for the "Slim Down for Summer" program. Ironically enough, the person doing my health assessment is the friend I went out with last night.

Right now I am doing laundry and waiting for an appropriate time to go to bed. I mean, if I went now, I would wake up in the middle of the night, but I do need to go to bed early. And I have a new book to read...I can't wait to go to bed.

Drinking on a weekday makes me feel old.

The Departed

Before I get to the main point of this blog (see title), I have to ask a question. What is up with Sanjaya? So, I don't watch American Idol, but I watch a lot of other tv, so I know who Sanjaya is and what I don't know, is that if people hate him so much, why is he there? His hair scares me.

Ok so back to The Departed. It rocked and I thought I would bullet point why I liked it.

• Mark Wahlberg rocks. He is really funny. And he's a bad ass. And I am pretty sure he knows it.
  
  
• Alec Baldwin. Enough said.
  
  
• I kept saying, "Poor Leo," because Leonardo DiCaprio really gets fucked in this movie. But he's tough and deals and while I have always like Leonardo DiCaprio, I really, really liked him in this.
  
  
• Jack Nicholson looked super old.
  
  
• Did I mention Alec Baldwin?
  
  Today was also my nephew Logan's 8th birthday party. I made him his vanilla on vanilla cake and put Star Wars action figures on it. And I got him Happy Feet. He loved them both. And it was the most heartwarming moment. I love him and his brother. They are the best kids and I hope the kids I might have are half as awesome as them.
  
  It gave me a good layer of love to watch The Departed with.
  
  Alec Baldwin.

And a Belly Full of Pasta

When you guys were just starting out in elementary school, were you graded on handwriting? I was and I got C's. And I was told I held my pen/pencil wrong. Looking back it seems like such a silly ability to grade, because I went on to have nice handwriting. In fact, I have actually been complimented on it. It also seems silly because I don't really judge people on they're writing. I mean, sometimes I have come across people whose writing I can't read, but I just think, "Jeesh, I wish I could read what they were writing."

I wonder if they even grade handwriting anymore. Especially since people use computers and such for everything. I hand-write very little…a check here and there, a card once in a while, a grocery list. If they do still grade handwriting, and if I have a child and he/she brings home a C in handwriting, or even an A for that matter, I am going to tell them it doesn't really matter, it doesn't form their personality and that every other skill is more important. And then I am going to tell them to tell their teacher I said that. And then I will tell the teacher myself at a parent-teacher conference.

I have a new crush at the gym and if you guys saw him, you would be really surprised because he's pretty clean-cut and HUGE. My god, he's got some big guns. He's probably like, 21 and a complete asshole, but he sure is pretty to look at when he runs on the treadmill.

One last thing – I can't even tell you how excited I am to see Blades of Glory. I don't really like Napolean Dynamite, but the one-two punch of Will Ferrell AND Gob from Arrested Development is enough to make me laugh without even seeing it. But I will see it.

Spring Fever

I had a green teani this weekend that was very delicious. It tasted just like green tea. And it was a perfect compliment to my sushi dinner.

I bought some new shirts this weekend. It was kind of weird to try on clothes since I've lost about 16 pounds. I try things on thinking they won't really fit or might not look right, but they do. And then I tried on a pair of old pants last night, a pair of pants that two and half years ago did not fit at all, that a year and a half ago, I could wear, but would have to wear them with a loose shirt to cover how tight they were, but last night, they were a little loose. Anyhoo, I guess the point of this little paragraph is that if you're looking for an esteem booster, lose some weight and go clothes shopping.

It's supposed to be close to 80 degrees today. I started my morning with my freshly ground Costa Rican coffee and it was delicious. Thanks for the grinder Norman, it's awesome. I will never be able to drink pre-ground coffee again.

And I met a sexy, sexy man today; the photographer taking pictures of our showers. I like to picture him in a shower.

Movie Recommendation

I know I give a lot of recommendations here, but I think you all should see "Gates of Heaven." It is a documentary made in 1980 about pet cemetaries. It is hard to explain; maybe bizarre is a good word. But bizarre in an awesome way.

It's a really moving film. It was sad to hear stories about people and their pets and how much they miss them, but it was also sweet to see them honor them.

It's also really funny...unintentionally funny. But it never mocked these people. It's just funny, what some people say. Like to guy who names "the pill" as the main contribution to the rise in pet ownership. Apparently, even though women work and don't have children, they still need to come home and fondle something.

It sounds like a weird movie, and it is. But it is SO worth it.

Do Not Tag Along with Tag-Along Ice Cream

You guys know about those peanut butter girl scout cookies? The ones that are peanut butter covered in chocolate? The ones apparently called Tag-Alongs? Well, the lovely people with the Girl Scouts and the lovely people at Edy's Ice Cream got together to make Tag-Along Ice Cream. If you ever see it, I beg you to run the other way. Do not look that evil carton in the eye.

I made that mistake.

I bought some and I couldn't stop. Well, ok I did. I had enough brains to stop myself around a third of the way in. And when I told myself to stop, I told myself to throw it away immediately.

So now I have a around 2/3 a carton of ice cream melting into my garbage. But I am ok with it. Even with all the starving people everywhere. Let Brangelina help them.

OH weird

It is only 35 degrees outside right now. 24 hours ago it was 70 degrees. Weather is so weird. There was snow on the ground this morning…not much, but enough to piss me off after nearly a week of experiencing nice weather.

So, I like to reflect over things…sometimes, I reflect over what happened a week ago. Yesterday I was reflecting over OKC a little more and I remembered a moment when Norman and I were driving and we saw a homeless guy. A really cute homeless guy and because she knows I like dirty, smelly guys, she mentioned that he probably did smell bad. And at first I said, probably too smelly for me. But then I thought about how much stank I could withstand and thought that maybe the homeless guy wouldn't be too smelly for me. And this made Norman LAUGH.

But Norman, I've thought about it more…and I was reminded of a student I had, who was not homeless, but smelled REALLY bad, and if the hot homeless guy smelled like the student, I wouldn't be able to do it.

Tata for now.

Back in OH

Well, I am back home, back at work, back at boring again.

I had a really good time in OKC, OK. Actually, it was Norman, OK, just outside of OKC, OK. I stayed well-hydrated with Sonic drinks. I slept REALLY good. I had a nice summer day and a nice spring day with thunder and lightning storms. It was also educational. I learned that James Garner and Mickey Mantle are from OK. And that contemporary dance can be boring, strange and cool, sometimes all at the same time. And I learned that I might be getting to airports a tad too early.

It was good to see Norman and Kayz. We laughed a lot. And I will get to see Norman again in about a month. And I am getting ready to write cover letters to jobs in OK, so maybe we'll see each other always soon.

Today it is supposed to be 70 degrees, so it's almost like I didn't really leave OKC, OK weather-wise.

Sad Day

Someone near and dear to our academic hearts died yesterday in Paris.

RIP Jean Baudrillard

He introduced me to what was hyperreal. But his death just seems real.

Several Things...

First of all, I saw Katie Holmes' mom at the mall. I think that I may now officially be six degrees from Kevin Bacon.

I was sick today, not so sick, but I decided not to go to work so I could get lots of rest and hopefully better before my trip OKC, OK. And I do feel better. Knock on wood, it lasts and only gets better.

Lastly, I got an email from a friend from college and it contained a link to her wedding pictures. She looked beautiful and it looked like a lot of fun, but what struck me was that this was at one time, one of my best friends, someone I have still managed to keep in regular touch with in the past six years, and she got married surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. It was weird, it was almost like looking at a stranger's wedding pictures.

Being sick, but not being too sick, has made me eat a lot today and I actually feel kind of sick. I am going to continue to lie still.

Choose or Spank

I have not made any decisions about who I am voting for in the 2008 presidential election. I mean, it's only early 2007 and a lot can happen in the next 20 months. I mean, I am still holding out a little bit of hope for Bill Richardson from New Mexico. Let the little guy rise to the ranks!

Ok, so obviously, I have thought a little bit about it. And I do have opinions, but I have no idea who I will vote for.

This morning, NPR interviewed Barack Obama and they were talking about someone who defeated him in previous race and Barack said, "He didn't defeat me, he spanked me." And you want to know what? I like that Barack said "spank."

But I hardly think that's a reason to vote for him.

Unless he says "spank" a lot more in the next 20 months.

Have A Weekend as Good as Mine Might Be

I have big, big plans for the weekend. Well, I guess not big, big, but I am looking forward to them. Like tomorrow night I am going to this fundraiser for a friend from work's boyfriend's softball team. It might sound silly or whatever, but I paid $35 and I can drink and eat all night long. Or from the hours of 6 to 12, which is when the fundraiser is. That's cheaper than dinner and drinks.

I also finally get the chance to see the film adaptation of Little Children. I really, really hope it is good. I loved the book so much I would be really disappointed if the movie sucked, but I have not read or heard a bad review so I think it might be ok and that I shouldn't worry.

On Sunday I am finally getting my Christmas massage. I am really excited about that because I love massages. Also on Sunday is my version of the Super Bowl, the Oscars. I don't think it will be as interesting because I think I know who is going to win and there won't be any surprises. But I would like to see the grandpa from Little Miss Sunshine win best supporting actor over Eddie Murphy. Not that Eddie Murphy wasn't good in Dreamgirls, but I like the grandpa better. AND, as Laura I learned a few weeks ago, the grandpa wrote "The Banana Boat" song. Anyhoo, I think the Oscars will be fun to watch because Ellen Degeneres is hosting and I like her. And as I told Laura the other night, I trust her, whereas I don't trust Juliette from Lost and Laura doesn't know who to trust.

I hope my weekend meets or even exceeds my expectations. And I hope all of your's does to.

I Hate The Kid at Best Buy (But Love 2 Week Winters)

Just yesterday I was thinking that while it was not awesome at the time, in hindsight, it was awesome that I literally only experienced two weeks of hardcore winter. Scientists weren't exaggerating about how global warming was making winter shorter. Anyhoo, I definitely think I spoke too soon because we are supposed to have snow next Monday. As of now I don't think it is supposed to be anything major, but if I've learned anything from these hard two weeks of winter, it is that weather can change in a second.

Last night I had to go to Best Buy to get a new charger for my iPod and the kid who was helping me made some lame joke about me wanting to strangle my kids. I'll tell you what kid I did want to strangle…THAT KID! Excuse me, but do I look like somebody's mother? Do I look like two somebody's mother? Do I have a mom haircut? I definitely wasn't wearing mom jeans. Why would buying an iPod charger make me somebody's mother? Thinking about it now is depressing. I am not even 30. Uh, I am never going to Best Buy again. And I am going to wish that kid ill will.

Weekends

My beautiful graduation watch is dead and not even a battery will bring it back to life. Oh, I can have it fixed...for $70, but I think it would probably cost just as much to get a new watch. RIP watch.

I had some fun with my boys this weekend. Jack is so tough, but has the cutest little face and voice. And Logan is way too smart for his own good. Well, I guess they both are really. I spent almost five dollars on two miniature bottles of grape and orange Crush that was actually filled with grape and orange Crush flavored jelly beans. It's a good thing I am just an aunt and only see them every couple of weeks or so. I would go broke keeping them in the lifestyle of which they have become accustomed to.

I saw a pretty good movie on Friday. It's called Half Nelson and it's about a junior high history teacher, who's a really good teacher, but does cocaine and smokes crack at night. The story really begins when one of his students catches him high in the bathroom. Sounds weird, but I thought about it for a long time after it was done. The guy who plays the teacher is really good, but the young girl is really, really good. Check it out one day if you get the chance.

I am excited to hear that the weather is going to get warmer, but that means there won't be snow days and I won't be able to use the cold weather as an excuse to be lazy.

Death Becomes Denny

I did some flipping last night. I flipped between Scrubs and 30 Rock and Grey's Anatomy. Let me recap what I saw on Grey's Anatomy (because that is what I saw the least of): Yang mad at Meredith because she wasn't there; Izzie drilling holes in the guy's head (and perhaps a glimmer of admiration/attraction in McSteamy's eyes when he was listening to her over the phone); Addison wondering if anyone would miss her if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; Izzie saying she was a rock star; McDreamy emerging from the water with a very blue Meredith; Alex saying he would miss Addison if she was almost crushed to death by a pole; the attendings working to bring Meredith back from the dead and Meredith waking up and finding out she was dead.

I might go to television hell for saying this, but I was kind of glad that 30 Rock ends a few minutes before Grey's Anatomy because I liked being surprised by the exploded guy and Denny Duquette in heaven. And is it just me, or does Denny look really good dead? I mean, I always thought he was hot, but there was something in the 20 seconds he was onscreen last night that made me mad they killed him off.

I think that I am going to have to watch it again tonight. Sounds like a lame way to start the weekend, and it probably is, but it's cold and I am getting up early tomorrow to go to the gym, so there.

Have a good weekend, y'all.

You Can't Say I Am Not Determined

The weather is pretty bad. It's cold and snowing and the wind is blowing, causing big drifts. It is so bad that we were actually sent home from work. And you want to know what I did when I got off? I went to the gym! I thought, what the heck, I'll do it now before the roads get really, really bad.

So now I am home and I think there is a 50 percent chance I won't see my car tomorrow. There is so much snow coming down and blowing about, I think it will be completely covered. I figure in the mean time, I'll just do some laundry and drink some wine.

Yay for snow days. They rock even more when you're 29.

UPDATE: There is a blizzard warning. The last time there was a blizzard warning was 1978. We are under a level 2 alert, which means, don't go out if you don't have to. Wow, the weather is baaaad. Laura's got ice; so pretty much, Ohio sucks right now. BGSU actually closed for the first time in four years.
I can barely see Reynolds Road. It's crazy.







UPDATE 2:














This is out my front door.





This is out my back door. Usually you can see the Toys R Us sign.

Wow.

I Love 30 Rock...Do You?

Last night was another four-star episode of 30 Rock. People, really, you need to give it a shot. Quit saying things like, “Oh it sounds funny.” Or, “It’s awesome that you like it.” WATCH IT.

I listen to a lot of NPR. I learn a lot from NPR. I learn about history. I learn about books (one of my favorite books from last year, Triangle, I heard about on NPR). I learn about music ( I was able to download a live Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins show from their website) and I learn about movies (especially documentaries…just this morning I added a film to my Netflix list. It’s called Gates of Heaven and it is a documentary about pet cemeteries). I also learn a little about television.

Now before I give my parenthetical example of the television show I learned about on NPR, let me tell you that I have never liked Sarah Silverman. She always plays the same characters in movies…a serious bitch. I’ve seen her in some other comedy shows and she was always too in-your-face for me. But I heard a story on NPR about her and her new show on Comedy Central. And it sounded so different. So I checked it out last night and well…it was pretty funny. Not funny enough that I am going to plead with you to watch it like 30 Rock (see above AGAIN), but funny enough to say it was funny enough.

And before I check out for the weekend, can I get a R.I.P for Anna Nicole Smith. Good lord, what a bad end to a bad year.

30 ROCK – THURSDAYS at 9:30 on NBC – Skip Grey’s until Friday night and watch 30 ROCK. God will let you into heaven if you do.

IT'S F****** COLD

I am a firm believer in returning your grocery cart to the cart coral. It's the easiest, nicest thing you can do. Unless it's 15 below zero. Then I put it wherever is closest to my car door.

It's too cold to recycle or even take my trash to the dumpster. So as you can tell, my kitchen looks disgusting.

It's so cold, schools are already posting delays and closing for tomorrow. In certain moments today, I would've given up all the sex, drugs and rock and roll I ever experienced to be a kid and stay home.

And there is nothing colder than putting on gym clothes that you have kept in your car all day. Nothing, I say.

It's cold. I am running out of sweaters.

I Think I Woke Up With Restless Leg Syndrome Last Night

Yeah, at like 1 in the morning, my legs were twitchy and I couldn't get comfortable, but then I just fell back asleep. I hope I don't have Restless Leg Syndrome because it sounds so silly. It would be kind of embarrassing to admit. The only disease more embarrassing to admit that you have is Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And my apologies go out to you if you have IBS, but if I had it, I wouldn't admit it. In fact, I might have it now, but none of you will ever know.

It is getting cold here…really cold. Yesterday when the weatherman said it could possibly get to 30 below zero with the wind chill, I didn't think I heard him right. But it was confirmed this morning…30 BELOW ZERO. That is like scary cold. That is like, going outside and having limbs immediately snap off because it is so cold, cold. That is like, not really want to do anything, kind of cold, which is hard when you have to go and work and to the gym and stuff. Although I bet just standing outside for a minute would burn a lot of calories because my body would have to work so hard to stay warm.

Also, while we're all here, I would like some opinions. If you had a job, but interviewed for a new, perhaps cooler job, and they asked you why you wanted to leave your old job, what would you say? You don't want to make your last job sound as bad as it may have been. You also don't want to look like a crazy person who is going to switch jobs every few years. So what do you say?

I Thought Yes, and Then I Thought, NO NO NO

Last night I came home from the grocery store and I was in my parking lot and I had my big Columbia jacket on, and my big ugly boots that keep my feet really warm on and it was really quiet and the snow made the air look like it was glowing and I thought, this is why people like winter; even right in the middle of it, it can be really pretty.

Then I woke up and it had snowed an additional inch and I had to hurry and get ready so I could clean off my car and the news traffic guy said it was really messy on the roads and the weather guy said that we could get another inch to two inches more of snow today and I thought, this is why I hate winter; it just makes life that much harder.

I wish it was spring already.

And this might not make any sense to anyone but Norman, but I think that Nathan Petrelli is Claire's father. It looked like his hairy arm and watch holding the phone on the scene from next week.

Over and out.

Sunday

I am currently living in a winter wonderland. It's nice when I don't have to go out anywhere. Although I did make it to the gym and to the grocery store to buy some lettuce. But before you say, wow, how dedicated this woman is, you should know I also bought a bottle of wine that I am currently really enjoying.

I also made it out to a yoga class. It was really awesome to have a full length class. Yoga's nice because you can practice it on your own, but having someone to tell you what poses to do, and correcting you if you do something wrong can make for a better workout. I am proud to say that I was not necessarily corrected, but helped to go deeper, which can be quite painful. But as John Couger Mellancamp has said, "It hurts so good." It was an interesting class because I went with a girl I work with and we found out about it from the chairman of the board at work. So we were downward dogging it with our 67 year old co-worker/kind-of boss. It is nice to know that if I want to take a yoga class, I can just go up the street and pay a few bucks to do it.

I am just enjoying my Sunday. Looking forward to some weekend trips...one to Laura's in a couple of weeks, and one to Norman's in OK in about six weeks. I hope time goes by fast.

Now...back to wine and cigarettes.

Hey Y'all, It's Wednesday

I know, I know, I have not written in a while. I apologize. Winter makes me lazier than usual. Most of my time is spent staying warm and I am sure stories of me huddling under a blanket for hours at a time would be really exciting for you.

I have been going to my new gym. I am not an official member yet. I have been taking advantage of my trial pass. But I will be an official member on Thursday…hurrah! I have even found a guy to subtly stare at longingly. He goes in around the same time I do. He has a little bald spot.

I also think I may have found a cheap yoga studio. I am going to go and try out a class on Sunday.

You know what I just realized? That it costs a lot of money to lose weight. It seems as though it would cost more money to gain weight, but there is the cost to join a gym or buy exercise equipment, healthier food costs more, if someone has never worked out, they have to buy workout clothes and then they have to buy clothes when they start losing weight. I think I went into the wrong business.

One last tidbit to tide you all over: I went and saw Dreamgirls. It was good. And I bet that girl from American Idol is glad she lost. She is either proof that American Idol was a good idea for a television show because it gets anyone good exposure or it really sucks because people don't need to win it get an Oscar nomination.

And FYI, Jim from The Office had a tiny part in it. He has had a tiny part in a lot of movies I have seen recently. He had a tiny part in For Your Consideration. Then he had a tiny part in The Holiday. When is he going to have a BIG part in a movie? Because I like Jim. He's sexy in Dreamgirls too, because he is kind of dirty and scruffy…just they way I like 'em.

Friday Eve

I know that it is only January and that we've really only had about five days of cold weather, but I am ready for winter to be over. And I am sure all of those who are covered in ice would agree.

Here's an update on the new gym situation: while I am still in the middle of my trial membership, I am pretty sure I am going to join. It's so nice and quiet. And there are some hot guys to look at. And, the other day, I got on a machine that had a television and I was able to watch Ellen. It was awesome.

Hey, did you guys know it was Girl Scout Cookie time? I am dying to get some. I like the chocolate peanut butter ones best. Now I just have to find a Girl Scout and get some. They don't really go door to door anymore. This is definitely the one time of year that I kind of wish Jack or Logan was a girl. Girl Scout cookies are so much better than Boy Scout popcorn.

Good Funny Weekend Stuff

I've always thought that Jake Gyllenhaal was kind of cute, but the clip below proves that he is also very, very funny.

Go, Jake Go!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmG2gBAcN-8&eurl

I Want to Get Wireless to Let Down My Firewall on Purpose...ok, Not Really, but...

I had a moment this morning; I started listening to a story on NPR on my way to work and I had to stay in my car and listen to the end before I went inside. And I am so glad I did. It stayed with me all day. I felt so bad for David...and Anna ended up sounding like a total bitch.

I am including the link to the story. Give it a listen and tell me what you think. Would you have responded to David's email?

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=6809099

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I Am Thinking of Making a Big Change in My Life

As many of you know, I go to Lifestyles, an all women's gym. I started going there in grad school because it had an awesome deal for students. It's also one of those gyms that once you sign in, you get sucked in because it gets cheaper and cheaper.

But cheaper doesn't mean better.

I am starting to hate Lifestyles. The one close to my house moved and now I have to drive at least 15 minutes to get to the two closest to my house. Second, it's always packed. At one Saturday morning class, I counted 46 people. Third, the people who work there aren't really that nice; and I mean both the people who work the counter and the people who teach the class. And once, I saw an instructor take a break in class to put a new piece of gum in her mouth. That's disgusting…no one wants to hear gum chewing through a microphone. Fourth, the hours suck. It's only open a few hours during the weekend, and it closes early on Friday. I personally wouldn't mind going to the gym on a Friday night. And finally, although the idea of a women's gym sounds great, you know how women can be. There are actual cliques at my gym and if you are an odd person out like me, you stand very alone.

So, a girl I work with is an instructor at another gym. It is coed, and it is considerably more expensive, but it is 3 minutes from my house. And it has a wide variety of classes, a juice bar, a spa and the machines that you can put your headphones into and watch television. The girl I work I with says that there is never more than 25 people in a class and that it's never so busy that you can't get on a machine. And I don't know what their hours are, but if they are open even a little more than Lifestyles, I would consider this a plus.

So, I am going to try a class at the new gym on Saturday and I can get a seven day trial pass and then, well, I might make the switch. What do you all think? Am I being crazy?

What a Day, What a Day

Hey, have any of you ever burned a hard-boiled egg? I did. I fell asleep when I was boiling some eggs and an hour and half later there was not a lot of water left in the pot. And they tasted just as you would imagine...burnt.

So, I have a mild case of the flu. I should be back to good shape by tomorrow. I actually feel much better now. I felt very bad yesterday and I went and bought a thermometer to take my temperature and now I am obsessed with taking my temperature. I've taken it a half a dozen times today...and it is always a little different. It's fascinating.

And finally, it is winter here in Ohio. It is really cold and the flakes are swirling in the air. It is winter...until Thursday...when it goes back to the upper 40's. Anyhoo, cold weather always makes me want ice cream. Perhaps I shall get some.

The Stories That Passed in Front of My Eyes Today

This was the first Sunday in a long time that I was able to kind of lay around and watch tv. I didn't have to hurry up and get ready and go somewhere in the morning. It was nice. But I ended up watching a lot of Lifetime movies.

The first one was about a divorcee who fell in love with her supervisor, who was a woman. Finding out you're a lesbian at the most inopportune time makes for really compelling television.

I took a break from Lifetime to go and jump on the Borat train. That is a really funny movie. Disgusting and so, so wrong on so many levels, but really funny, nonetheless. See it. And then tell me if you saw the fat guy's penis. Even though I saw his balls, I never saw the penis.

Then I came back, armed with a Subway turkey and bacon sandwich with extra banana peppers (my new food obsession) and watched a heartwarming Lifetime movie about a woman who autistic twins and because she never gave up on them, they became an awesome musician and a really fast cross-country runner.

Then I ended my Lifetime streak with the very powerful, She's Too Young. This was about 14 year old girls giving blow jobs and getting syphilis. It reminded me of my own high school experience...just kidding. But seriously, if I ever have kids, I am going to make sure they are the biggest dorks. No one wants to suck a dork's dick or have a dork suck their dick. Pretty much dork and dick don't really belong in the same sentence except for fun adult alliteration.

And that was my Sunday. Now I am just hanging out waiting to go to bed.

Where My Head Has Been

It seems like it has been a long time since I have written here, but it hasn't really. There is something strange about the recovery after a holiday. It feels like I am recovering from a major event or something. And then I never really seem recovered until halfway through January because I have my dad's birthday and now Liam's birthday and then it always seems as though a friend is getting married or having a baby. So I go from buying gifts for Christmas to buying gifts right away for random things.

But the good thing is that I got a raise so I can afford all of these extra things I have to buy.

I got my haircut and I really like it. I actually went out and bought a straightener so my hair can look like how it did when I left the salon. It is the first time in long time that I have an actual hair style. The woman who cut my hair was very enthusiastic about the cut and said that when my hair grows out long (which I am trying to do), it will be beautiful. I really liked her. I would've only just liked her, but she asked me if I was just out of high school, so now I really like her.

I had a really fun New Year. Pretty low key, but lots of laughing and drinking and drinking. I had like, three shots that night. But I don't think they really count because they were fruity, girly shots and I like tough, manly shots. However, after I did the first two, back to back, I was a little more lightheaded than I had been. So maybe girly shots are just as good as manly shots.

I don't know…I might have to test that theory further at a later date.