I'm a Bad Environmentalist

Well, I suppose I could be a lot worse. In fact, I am probably better than most people. But I have slipped up quite a bit.

Las Cruces doesn't recycle glass, so when I moved here I decided that in my own home where I have control, I wouldn't drink beer from a bottle or drink wine occasionally. I drink beer and wine from bottles a lot. If I was a super awesome person, I would drink beer only from the local brewery where I could take in my jugs to be refilled and drink wine from a box.

I still haven't set up a compost. How long have I been talking about this? For years now? This summer I even found one that didn't need worms, but I still haven't done it. And I continue to throw waste in the trash that could be used for something better.

I keep a resuable coffee mug on my desk, but lately, if I am close to the coffee place, I just go and get it in a cup, just because because I am too lazy to walk, in total, five minutes out of my way. (But I did just put a reusable mug in my car for when I get a coffee urge).

I've been buying my own books (the fun kind) and have stopped going to the library for them.

I've been reckless with sandwich bags. Mine are just filling the landfills.

I feel like there is so much more I can do - especially in terms of the little stuff that can be done on a daily basis, but I let my lazy nature get in the way. I mean, I don't want to change my whole life right now, but I am going to try and be more mindful - practice what I preach. It makes me feel better and less guilty.

But enough about that...everyone have a great Thanksgiving. Eat lots of food and don't let your leftovers go to waste.

In Light of my Last Post

I still have questions and fears...but I just got an email asking if the department could use my qualifying portfolio as an example for new graduate students who have to do a qualifying portfolio this year. This makes me feel good. It's like last year when one of the professors asked me to email a perspective student. They don't ask everyone.

Now if only my papers for the end of the semester would write themselves and be brilliant.

Being in graduate school is like having schizophrenia. Who will I be tomorrow? A confident student, or a fearful one? What will I think tomorrow? That I don't know if I can do it, or that I can totally rock the shit out of it?

I'm ready for Christmas break.

PhD Student

I have been thinking a lot about being a PhD student and how my future will be shaped by this. I wonder if I work as hard as other students. I work hard, but I wonder if I lack the passion that some of my fellow students seem to convey.

I wonder if I am thinking enough about my future. What I am doing here and now will effect the job I have someday. Conference presentations, check. Publications? Not so much. In a writing group I was a part of last semester they would always ask if I was going to try and publish what I was bringing in, because if I was, what I was bringing in wasn't cutting it. I am just getting my head around writing in a new voice...I read journal articles, but I don't know if I know how to write in a publishable way...can that be taught? Or will I someday just get it? It has to be someday soon, my job literally depends on it.

I don't wonder if my research interests are relevant, but I do wonder if I can pull it off. I think I am great at big ideas...execution, not so much.

I wonder if I don't take enough initiative.

I wonder if I am not seeing what other people see and if sometimes this is a problem.

I wonder if I am a good teacher when I get so annoyed with my students. Students don't change, they are always going to annoy me, and I wonder if I will ever find a way to get past that get them to learn. Basically, I'm wondering if it is their ability to learn or if it is my ability to teach.

I still have over a semester before coursework is over and I focus on my comprehensive exams. I feel like that is a turning point and I should be more aware of what I have to do, prove, accomplish.

I'm not questioning the decision I made in getting a PhD. I don't know what I am questioning, I just seem to have a lot of questions with some very unsure answers.

Getting Older

30 came and went, so did 31, and although I realized I was getting older, 32 hit me like a ton of bricks.

Perhaps it was because there were elderly reminders all day long. In one class we talked about how as we age, how we see color changes and how we taste changes (apparently old people over-salt and sugar their food because they can't taste as well). I saw a woman wearing an oxygen tank. I saw a woman using a walker. These hit close to home because I have a sweet tooth and a history of diabetes in my family. I also am a smoker. I also have parents that have had knees and hips replaced.

I'm scared.

Not of really getting older, obviously I've always known this is going to happen. And everything I mentioned above most likely won't affect too much for another 25-30 years. But I am definitely at an age where I have to take these issues into consideration. I need to start eating better (which I literally have been doing since Tuesday - lots of vegetables and non-processed foods). I should quit smoking (but I like to smoke...even when I didn't smoke that much, I enjoyed it. I think I will start cutting back). I should just overall take better care of my body. I do exercise regularly. I am not the worst eater in the world (I have bad days and moments where I overindulge). But I don't want to be a woman who is in bad health early in her aging process. My mother was/is like this and it sucks to see a relatively young, older woman have the issues of a much older woman.

I also don't want to turn gray, get wrinkles and sag, although this is all happening anyway. But I can help that...hair dye, Preparation H, weight training. Ahh!

Basically, I know the old adage is you're only as young as you feel, and on the inside, I feel young. But this is the year that it hit me; I'm not technically as young as I feel.

And it sucks.

Mid Semester Reflection

Here is the weird thing about this semester: I haven't felt the need to cry uncontrollably...yet. I teared up a couple of times...once was during a ridiculously bad day where EVERYTHING went wrong (but not school related) and once was last week when I felt overwhelmed by Modern Rhetorical Theory (the name alone is overwhelming). This time last year and even in the spring semester, I would sob at the drop of a hat.

Not that I don't feel overwhelmed; there is always work to be done. And not that I don't feel stupid; I still feel like a fraud occasionally.

Maybe it's because I feel like I finally get it. After a year, I am finally equipped with the language and ideas and the rules and these have helped me exist and float in this world. I also know that some people are assholes and that's ok too.

The semester's not over and there is still the bulk of work to be done, so there is still time for tears, but knock on wood...this hasn't been a bad semester.

PS. If you're in the Las Cruces area - the Recession Free Session is this Saturday. 4-12. Music, poetry. Free for the community. Corner of University and Espina. Come for fun!

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Welcome to the internet where everyone in the world (including those you know) think it's ok to criticize everything you are and say from the safety of their computer.

Recession Free Session

Laura asked to see the poster I recently designed so here it is:

If you're in Las Cruces then, stop by. Should be a good time!

Breaks and Moving Forward

I am currently taking a break from exercise. I probably shouldn't because I have gained weight and am having a hard time working it off...but I think that is why I am taking a break. It's frustrating to exercise a lot and maybe a have bad eating moments a week, but nothing seems to happen. I won't stop working out all together, I will go back, but this week, I just don't want to.

I am also trying to stay on top of homework because I have a very busy next four weekends or so.

This weekend is the Whole Enchilada Fiesta. They make the world's largest enchilada...it's gross and weird, but Los Lobos is playing. I hope they play "La Bamba."

Next weekend is the Southern New Mexico State Fair. It's supposedly weird and fascinating, so I have to go. Also, an old friend of mine is coming into town for a job interview.

Ok, so the next weekend, might not have anything going on, but that will allow me a break to get some homework done.

The weekend after the nothing to do weekend is the Recession Free Session. It's a free concert for the community that a friend of mine is putting together. I am designing the posters. It should be a good time.

(in the middle of all of this is my birthday)

The final weekend I have something planned is Homecoming, in which a large group of people I went to college with are coming back and having a reunion. I am so psyched about this - alot of these people I haven't seen in nearly 10 years. It'll be a busy weekend because school-wise, there is a also a speaker series going on in my department and I'll have to go and do that as well.

And of course do homework and grade and everything else that goes in a life.

I'm tired just thinking about it.

And excited!

Bad Teacher? Bad Day

I didn't really prepare as well as I should have for class today. It went ok; my students actually contributed to the conversation, but I felt it...I felt underprepared and like I let my students down.

I'm not a bad teacher though, right? Just had an off day...learn from my mistakes...

Or am I just trying to justify how much I suck?

You all have permission to be honest.

Big City Living

Went to Albuquerque yesterday to go see Ween. It was a very urban experience. I rode in a taxi, I had many choices of places to eat, I was able to walk from the venue to a really cool bar and I hung out with cool people...granted they are the people I would hang out with if I was in Las Cruces on a regular Saturday night, but they're my friends, I like them and think they are cool.

I drank too much, but I knew that I would.

Now my long weekend is almost over. I still have work to do tomorrow. And grocery shopping. And then the week begins all over again and I will be looking forward to the next weekend. But first, some pizza and Mad Men.

Summer is Done

Well summer isn't really done...not technically. But it feels like it when I can't have as much fun as I did during the summer. Homework and lesson planning takes up a lot of time.

I haven't made any snap judgements about my classes yet. Well, no snap judgements about Modern Rhetorical Theory and Cultural Criticism, but I know my Document Design class is going to rock the casbah.

The tech writing class I am teaching feels to be off to a slow start, but this week we get into actual activities and assignments so hopefully it will get better.

Good to see some people after a summer away. Emphasis on some...

Per Murph - pictures from my trip to Oklahoma:

Here's a few of me being a bad-ass.

Ok, so this is a blurry one of Murph and K - but just know that Yahtzee was happening.

This is a tombstone from the Showman's section of a cemetery in Hugo, OK. Lots of people who performed in the circus are buried there and have some really elaborate stones. It was cool to see and a little sad. But mostly cool.

Summer is Coming to An End

Today is my last day working in the Writing Center. Then I have a little me time. Next week I head to Oklahoma to swim and shoot some guns with Murph and K. I return next Thursday and immediately the next day I have to attend a meeting and move cubicles. Then some in-service the following Monday and then school starts that Thursday. Which is two weeks from today. Damn.

Where did the summer go?

I do have a pretty solid draft of a syllabus and schedule (for six weeks) for my tech writing class. I am excited and nervous. I know the suck rate rises when you teach a class for the first time, but hopefully it won't suck too much and at the end of the semester I'll have learned just as much as my students.

And hopefully they don't a pull a mutiny on me, which is my greatest fear in teaching.

I'm in Mad Men!

I imagine this is the beginning of my torrid affair with Don Draper.

Get Outta Here...

...that is what you are going to tell me when I describe the soup I made last night. It is called African Chickpea and Spinach Soup. Now, if you click on the link and see the ingredients, you might be a little weirded out. Peanut butter blended with vegetable broth? Gross, right? Wrong. That mixture makes this soup the best thing ever. Delicious, delicious, delicious.

Another thing that I felt was blog-worthy today was the Safari 4. I started using Firefox a few months ago because everyone said it was awesome and the only web browser worth using. I actually hated Firefox when I first started using it. I grew slightly more fond of it, but only slightly, and I think that is really because I just got used to it.

But the new Safari is SWEET. I will never turn my back on it again.

Oh and I watched The Pirates of Silicone Valley. It is about the early days of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. It was pretty interesting. They made Steve Jobs look like a real dick, but from everything I understand, he kind of is. They made Bill Gates seem exactly how I would imagine him. Anyhoo, all you computer fans might want to check it out if you haven't already.

I don't know about you all, but all this blogging is exhausting me.

Pictures!

As promised, pictures of the boys...

Here is Liam
















Logan













Liam, very close the camera





















Jack on the trampoline














Logan and Jack in the pool








Logan and Jack watching Weird Al videos

Wow, I Haven't Blogged This Much Since April

Back to the old grindstone, but it seems new too. I've been working my internship, which hasn't been very busy yet. I may work on a grant. I am working in the games lab helping participants navigate through games and help them with game concept ideas. It's cool. Yesterday I did DDR and Wii boxed. This morning I did a little Jillian Michael fitness. My arms are going to be sore from it. And I get lunch. So it is pretty awesome.

The grant I am writing isn't due until September, so I won't be following through with it. I am afraid they aren't going to like that, but I have to get back to school and teaching. That is my first priority.

The second job is in the Writing Center. It should be fairly laid-back.

It's hard to believe that I've only been home a few days, it already feels as though I have never left.

Next time I blog, I'll update with some pictures of my nephews. They are as awesome as ever.

Happy 5th of July

Wow, I am the suckiest blogger now. I am averaging a post per month. That's pretty weak. I should make an Independence Day resolution to be a better blogger. But then again, I think resolutions are problematic and actually make people less likely to do things. I'm at a loss as to what to do here.

California and Computers and Writing was awesome. It was fun to see old friends and hang out with new friends I haven't gotten to know as well outside of school. At first I was nervous that I wasn't going to be discussing anything new or cutting edge, but I quickly realized, everyone was talking about the same thing, just calling it something different. I saw people I actually read and cite in my papers. And then, when it was all said and done, I went to the Winchester Mystery House with Robin and Kaleb. It was awesome. San Jose was pretty awesome.

For the last two weeks I've been in MI. I actually leave today. It's been nice, a lot nicer than my trip at Christmas. I saw my nephews who were hilarious as always. I saw my friend Molly who is about to give birth to a boy in about 4 weeks. She asked me what I missed about MI and OH and I did manage to come up with a few things:
1. Panera. We don't have any in NM and I really miss the Mediterranean Veggie Sandwich
2. Good sushi. Well, I actually haven't had sushi in Las Cruces. There are sushi restaurants, but I don't know...it's the desert, where are they getting the fish? I did break down in Albuquerque and eat some, but it was the big city. Anyhoo, I had some sushi here and it was delicious.
3. My gym. I loved, loved, loved my gym. It was so clean and always had a machine open and everyone was friendly. My gym in Las Cruces gets the job done and it is fairly clean the people are friendly, it's just not the same.
4. My dr. She was very nice and the appointments were quick and she always was very encouraging about my weight loss.
5. Sunday Morning - the show, not the actual morning. It's on in Las Cruces, but at 7 am and I am never up at 7 on Sunday to watch it.

I may miss these things, but sunny, warm weather all year round and beauiful mountain scenery and a laid back atmosphere make up for this all.

Oh, and I read alot. I finished:
> Pigs in Heaven
> March

And I read from. start to finish:
> My Antonia
> Let the Northern Lights Erase Your Name

I have Then We Came to the End for the plane ride home.

Well, the next time you hear from me, I'll be back in the desert. Hopefully I'll remember to blog and it won't take too long. Until then...

Been a Long Time I Know

Yes, I've totally ignored this blog, but not on purpose. Life is some sort of busy right now. I only have time for 140 characters or so I guess...

I've been working 40 hours a week (or so, haha) and still trying to enjoy my summer and still try to exercise. And tomorrow I head to sunny CA for a conference that I am still only about half prepared for. I am not going to be able to go out and have any fun tomorrow night...I will have to stay in my motel room and finish my PowerPoint presentation. Oh well, it'll all get done...it has to.

On Monday I fly from Sacramento to Detroit to see mi familia. I am looking forward to that because I am not going to do anything for two weeks but read and watch television and movies and shop (because my mom will buy me clothes...YAY!) and I am going to exercise. Maybe this will be the vacation that I lose a little weight.

The books I am taking with me to read:
Pigs in Heaven
March
My Antonia

Anyhoo, just wanted to drop in and let you know I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. But you all probably guessed that anyway. Hope you all are having a great summer.

Ok, Now I Should Figure Out a Routine

I had an unexpectedly fun Memorial Day weekend. My friend Justin came into town and we went golfing and to the Wine Fest and to Chopes. It was a really good time. Just like old times; somethings don't change...even when you kind of want them to.

It's interesting how friends can be like family. People revert back to the roles they have in friendships, even if they haven't been in those roles in years. I find myself always in the role of the baby of my family and I fulfill a certain role with my oldest friends, although I don't know what the name of it is. And I don't really have that same role in my life now, so it is weird.

Anyhoo, today is the day I am going to start to get busy. I took a week off of exercise, so I gotta get back to that. I need to write some papers for Computers and Writing. I am not going anywhere for a month, so I have a month to get stuff done. Yay me.

Summer Job

So yeah, I have a summer job. Two actually. The bigger one has me working at the College of Agriculture working on a grant and whatever else needs writing. I've never written a grant before, so this is pretty exciting. I may also get some class credit for doing it. Or internship...whatever happens to work out. And if everything goes well, I could have this summer job, every summer.

The one downside is that it is full-time - 40 hours a week. I was kind of looking forward to some time off this summer. But now I am looking forward to an iPhone. I am going to get one in July when my current contract runs out and this job allows me to pay for that without worries. This job allows me to pay for everything without worries. Or eventually it will. University payroll systems suck. I have no idea when I will get paid.

It's been weird being out of school. I feel anxious over nothing. I probably feel anxious because I really have nothing to feel anxious about. A friend said that during the school year there is always so much drama that during the summer we probably have to create our own drama in our head. I hope I get over it.

Tomorrow I head to Phoenix to see Flight of the Conchords. Then when I get back, no effing around, I have to work on some conference papers. I also need to find flights to the conference and back to Michigan.

Ahh, summer time.