Post 4th of July

4th of July in the middle of the week is dumb. I drank too many beers in the hot sun. And then I was tired. So I went to bed at 9:30 pm. I read until 10 and fell into a deep sleep. Until 10:20 when I thought I heard noises that sounded like someone was trying to break into my apartment. But it was actually fireworks.

That is how I lame I am on the 4th of July. I thought fireworks were a burglar.

I Guess I Have a Case of the Mondays or Whatever

Yes, yes it was serendipitous that my power came on exactly as I got home on Friday. But this morning it did me no good. I forgot to reset all of my important alarms. So my alarm clock went off a good half an hour before I usually wake up and I was sleeping GOOD. And my coffee brewed at midnight instead of its time. That actually makes it two work days in a row that I have not had coffee at home. Friday, it went off, but I had forgotten to put the grounds in, so I had hot water.

And today, I forgot to brush my teeth. I am pretty sure I have never done that. I ate an apple because apples apparently help bad breath (another good reason to eat apples) and brushed them while I am at home for lunch.

I think it is the screwy work week. I have Wednesday off. So it's like two little mini-weeks or something.

Serendipitous

Earlier this evening, I was getting ready to go out and was in the shower and my power went out. Thankfully I had less than hour before I was to leave and was sure it would be back on before I got home. I mean, my neighbors are old ladies; I knew that they weren't going to let this go on all night.

But when I came back nearly 4 hours later, it still wasn't on when I pulled in. There was no lights on inside and none of the parking lot lights were on. But as I was walking up the stairs, struggling to find my apartment key, the lights went on. Perfect timing, huh?

But, my question is this: is the food in my fridge bad? It didn't feel hot inside and the beer I pulled out to drink wasn't warm at all. It wasn't freezing cold, but it was drinkable. I am not sure. I do know I have a lot of good food in my fridge. I hope it isn't bad.

Fish...Yay or Nay?

Did you know that some male fish are taking on female characteristics due to water pollution? Weird, and kind of gross. A couple of weeks ago I wanted to go swimming in a lake, but I think I am ok not doing that. In my head it goes like this: I go for a lovely afternoon swim and I come out and all of a sudden I care way too much about sports. And I can't pick up after myself (I admit here, I am stating stereotypes). Or worse, I come out of the lake with a penis.

You want to know what are awesome. Japanese bread crumbs. They are kind of like the breading used on coconut shrimp. You want to know what sounds awesome. Coconut shrimp. I wonder if I should place an order at Red Lobster.

Wait a minute…should I get shrimp? What if the males have female characteristics? Is it ok to eat hermaphrodite shrimp? Do shrimp have a sex?

Damn my inquisitive nature.

Who Knew?

Apparently every sport has its own dangers.

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20043882,00.html

Weekend

I'm tired and my body hurts. I feel like I need a weekend to recover from my weekend. I think instead of going to the gym, I am going to go home straight away after work and lay around for the rest of the evening. I should probably go to the grocery store, but I don't want to do that either. A smoothie sounds good. Maybe I will get one of those on my way home.

I had a golf lesson yesterday, hence my body hurting. It was awesome though. The couple of tips he gave me helped immensely. I was hitting the ball straight AND far. Hooray.

I fell out of bed yesterday morning. I rolled over to get out of bed, but I was too close to the edge and just rolled out and onto the floor. I don't remember ever falling out of bed before. Although it is funny in hind site, it is kind of jarring first thing in the morning.

Saturday I was almost run over by a stroller while I was at an art fair. And the woman said, "Wow, I got really close." Not, "sorry" or "excuse me." "Wow, I got really close." Like she was trying to hit me; like I was two points or something. And the people I was with said it did look like she was aiming for me. I hate mothers and strollers. I want to yell, "You are not entitled; people should not bow down to you because you have given birth." I mean really, millions of women give birth every day. It's not that special. I have not given birth, I think that sounds more special.

Oh and speaking of kids and mothers and the art fair. I went to the bathroom and this little boy had pooped his pants. He asked his mother if he was going to have to go the shed. The mother looked mortified and said that he just shouldn't poop his pants. I mean, I know kids say the "darndest things," but you have to wonder about a little boy who is afraid he has to go to a shed for punishment.

See what I mean about needing a weekend for me weekend?

Post Cards

This is going to be a very good year for postcards for me. Norman has already sent me around 10 (I don't know the exact number off the top of my head) detailing her trip to the Bay Area of California. Laura is (or had better) send me one from Hawaii. And Jeannie said she would send me one from Ireland.

I should put together a coffee table book of all the postcards I have received. I have a lot.

Would you all buy a coffee table book of all the postcards I have ever received?

It's Father's Day

I got my dad a pumpkin plant. I figure, he plants lots of weird things, why not try a pumpkin. And because I love pumpkin flavored things and I thought he would think it is funny. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh and I making a blackberry cobbler. I've never made a blackberry cobbler before. I'll let you know how that goes too.

Speaking of dad's, my dad in particular, the other day I went over to my parent's house and my dad had got me a new golf bag. How sweet is that?

The same day I went to my parents house, I went back to a yoga class I went to religiously last summer. I don't know if you remember, but this was the class that I loved, but the woman sometimes had us do partner poses, which I really, really did not love. So after nearly nine months of not going, I go, and she has us do partner poses. Or at least the other people did. I high-tailed it out of there.

I went for my first bike ride of the year yesterday and my ass hurts today.

I am most certainly turning a golden brown. I attended the Jazz Fest yesterday and it was hot and sunny. And fun. And I am the perfect shade to show for it.

I have one last thought for you, and it comes courtesy of a Snapple cap:

"A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or late afternoon."

Interesting, n'est pas?

Enjoy your Sunday's with your dads y'all.

In Eight Weeks...

I lost

• 4 lbs.
  
• 4.6% body fat
  
• 9 inches

He-yeah!

I did gain a half an inch in each of my arms, but I was told to think of it as gaining strength.

Seriously, check out how freakishly big my tricep looks while Laura and I try to shut this shark's mouth:

Bad News

I just heard on the news that farmers in Mexico are burning their blue agave fields so they can grow corn to meet the US's growing demand for ethanol. You all know what blue agave makes right? Tequila. So all you margarita lovers might want to stock up with a few extra bottles while you can so you can enjoy your favorite drinks when you want them.

My Parking Lot is Weird

Last night, there was a car in my parking lot. It was a white Thunderbird, but an older Thunderbird, from like, 1980's. All of a sudden it starts blaring, "You've Lost That Loving Feeling," but not the classic rendition by (I believe) The Righteous Brothers, but the cheesy 80's version by Hall and Oats. And this guy in the white Thunderbird had his door open and his leg propped up against it and all of a sudden starts singing along with it; really jamming out. I watched, first from inside my apartment, but then I needed to get closer, I needed to see this guy stuck in 1980's. He had frosted blond highlights.

You know how there was the movie, ET and then there was the cheaper, not as good alien movie, Mac and Me around the same time? I thought I was watching the Mac and Me version of Top Gun or something.

In other news, my tagline for the company I work for, "Bring Down the Curtain," was trademarked. I don't know if it is actually that important to be the author of a trademarked phrase, but it feels kind of exciting. Can I list it on my resume? How do I do that?

I Forget

Last week I told you how I forgot to set up my coffee. Well that was just the first in a line of forgetfulness. One day I forgot to set my coffee again, but I noticed in enough time to let it brew. One day I forgot to bring my bottle of water, which was really awful because I like to drink water and a lot of it, and our office is next to a waste management plant and I don't really like to drink the water there. It, for obvious reasons, tastes funny. I've also forgotten miscellaneous office things, which are too boring to list, so I've been leaving myself post-it notes everywhere and writing on my hand. Currently, my hand says "Rent" which is reminding me to pay it today. My kitchen has a note that says "Call Ashley and go to library." And my desk has a note telling me to print something, which reminded me that I needed to print something, so did that post-it note fail?

I saw "Knocked Up." It was hilarious, I highly recommend it. Tonight I am going to see a movie called "Waitress." Last Friday I saw the third "Pirates" movie. Three movies in one week; I'm getting a little movie crazy. Speaking of movies, I did not realize that the next Harry Potter movie is coming out this summer (July 11 to be exact). I didn't think it was coming out until the fall. July is definitely going to be Harry Potter month. I can't wait.

My mom has to get knee replacement surgery. Apparently she will not be getting a baboon's knee which I thought would've been cool, but some sort of porceline or something. And then pretty much right after my mom is healed, my dad has to get a hip replacement (maybe he'll get a baboon's hip). All of these replacements are due to arthritis. It appears to me that getting old sucks. I am going to enjoy being young for as long as I can. And you all should too.


Have a good, young weekend

Something for the Holiday

I completely remember taking off my glasses last night before I went to sleep. I remember because it was dark when I took them off and when I put them on my nightstand, they were half on a book and half on an actual nightstand. However, in the middle of the night, I woke up with my glasses on. This isn't the first time this has happened. It makes me wonder what I do in my sleep.

I also forgot to set up my coffee last night, which I hardly ever do. And by the time I went to get my cup, it was too late to make some. And the coffee I stopped and got left a weird taste in my mouth. I just hope this isn't a foreshadowing of the weekend to come.

Some of you know the little in and out mart down the street that I often go to. I like it. They have a nice selection of beer, they sell my current favorite drink, Cran-Razz Xyience, and they are pretty nice. It's kind of ghetto…ok, so it's really ghetto, but it doesn't bother me. Although maybe it should; I swear the other night I saw two super trashy girls buy crack pipes. It was bizarre. And it took forever, and all I wanted to do was buy a green tea.

I think I am going to go see the movie, Knocked Up at a special preview screening next week. A friend of mine got passes and asked if I wanted one. Hopefully it all works out because I really want to see that movie and to see it free would be even better.

A few other announcements:

I polled two thirds of my audience here and they loved the Lost season finale. I agree with them and I think I speak for all of us when I say we are sad we have to wait so long to see more.

Everyone congratulate Norman because she cut the ties and let her dissertation fly free into Ohio Link.

Also, have a wonderful holiday weekend ya'll. Enjoy the nice weather if you've got it.

Delish Dish

Ok, everyone, go and get an eggplant, two tomatoes, one cup of feta cheese and 4 tbsp of plain yogurt (it can even be low fat if you like). Go ahead, I'll wait while you do this.









Ok, now that you've got all of these things, take the eggplant, slice it, sprinkle olive oil over the slices and sprinkle with salt. And then wait 30 minutes. And you might as well pre-heat your oven to 400 degrees.



Now that you have waited 30 minutes, rinse off the eggplant and then put it in a shallow baking dish that has been coated with cooking spray. Then take your two tomatoes and slice and lay over the eggplant. Then take your cup of feta cheese and sprinkle over the eggplant and tomatoes. Then take your 4 tbsp of plain yogurt and spread on top, over the eggplant, tomatoes and feta, and salt and pepper to taste. Then pop it in the oven to cook for 30 minutes or until yogurt is bubbly and brown.

Do all of this and, trust me, your mouth will thank you. It is delicious. And low calorie too. It makes four servings and each serving is only 95 calories. I made it for the first time last night and almost died it was so good. I am going to make it again this weekend. And right now is a good time to make it: eggplant is in season.

Oh and Happy Last Lost Day Until 2008 Ya'll!

And That's What We Call Stealing the Spotlight

My brother was telling me about the program Jack's school put on. Jack's class sang a song. And Jack sang louder than everyone else, was ahead of everyone else in the song and swayed back and forth while the others stood still.

I still laugh just thinking about it.

If They Mated....

If I had a baby with the awesome Paul Rudd, this is what it would look like:

It's weird that my baby has sprouted a weird patch of hair from it's forehead. Maybe it's one of those placenta babies Norman told me about.

Ten Foods

There are 10 foods that hard to digest for various reasons to numerous to list here according to the food person on MSN.

Chicken Nuggets – Of course chicken nuggets are my favorite food on the menu at McDonalds.

Spicy Foods – Of course I love spicy foods. And the real spicy food, none of the Midwestern bullshit people think is spicy. I am talking about real flavor.

Chocolate Brownies – This just makes me think of the delicious Butterfinger Brownie my local Borders serves. I love it.

Citrus Juices – Finally, one I am safe from. Except when I drink margaritas with my spicy food.

Mashed Potatoes – I have pretty much given up eating potatoes for caloric reasons (of course, I do eat them from time to time). But mashed potatoes are good.

Raw Onion – AWESOME. I only like my onions cooked really soft!

Ice Cream – My goodness, this list is awful un-American. What next, apple pie?

Apple Pie – HA! Just kidding.

Raw Broccoli – I don't mind broccoli, it's not my favorite. I do like cooked with a little butter and lemon juice.

Beans – Another one that I feel pretty good about because I am not a big bean person. Unless they are smothered in something. Or refried. To go with my spicy foods and citrus juice based margaritas.

I thought for sure bagels were going to be on the list because bagels are notoriously hard to digest. I probably still have some of the bagel I ate in March in my stomach.

In other, non-food related news, one of my best friends from college and former roommate, Patti, had her baby. Ripley weighed 8 lbs, 8 oz. It still blows my mind that my friends are mothers and fathers.

Sunday Musings

Every time I hear a car alarm go off, I hope the car is being broken into. I cannot think of a more annoying invention.

I got an aloe plant yesterday so now I will be able to heal myself like Claire on Heroes.

"Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore? Quite possibly the third worst movie ever made. Number one: Marie Antoinette. Number two: Crazy/Beautiful. Interesting that those both star snaggle-toothed Kirsten Dunst. (I hate Kirsten Dunst)

It's a nice day out. Sunny. A little chillier than warm. I should probably ride my bike or go to the driving range, but I just want to read and eat chips and salsa. So that's what I am going to do.

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, ya'll.

Eating Out

Friday, A and I watched 20/20. I wanted to watch it because the DC Madam was supposed to spill all her secrets. Well, she either has not secrets or wasn't really spilling because it wasn't as exciting as they made it out to be. But we did see a story about why you shouldn't eat out on a Monday. It's because they recycle leftovers from the weekend and this can be really problematic when it comes to fish. Oh, and they put new wait staff out on their own on Monday's, so you might not get as good of service.

So A and I went out to dinner last night and we laughed because we had just watched that 20/20. And sure enough, there was a fish entrée on special (and although normally it might have sounded good, I just couldn't order it last night.

But the waiter was HOT. His name was Pete. I think he was Australian. He wasn't so bad a waiter. He did wrap my dinner before A was even done with hers. I say he has what it takes and after a few weeks of practice, he'll be working on a Tuesday with no problem. And besides, he was hot and had a hot accent; that's all he really needs to make it.

And Jan, It's Not Me, It's You

This morning I tried a Taco Bell breakfast burrito. I got the sausage one and it was ok. I look forward to trying the guacamole breakfast burrito next time, whenever that may be. Then I stopped and got a Cran-Razz Xyience. Those really are so addictive. I think I am glad you can't buy them by the case because I would drink them constantly and go broke. It's better I only get a couple a week.

I was working and I picked up my arm and there was red ink near my wrist. I have absolutely no idea how it got there. I guess I brushed up against a red pen, but I look at the red pen on my desk and I look at my wrist and I can't figure out how they could make contact. But this sort of thing happens to me all the time. I have ink all over my hands and arms. Sometimes I find ink on my clothes. People must think I work for a newspaper, in the bowels of the building where they actually print the paper.

I can't believe I just wrote bowels as a term for basement. And actually, even though I have a degree in journalism, I am not sure if newspapers are printed in the basement. That's how I picture it though. I suppose some do.

I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend.